the hard way  

Kaliedascope61 42M
3157 posts
7/26/2006 7:42 am

Last Read:
8/5/2006 11:45 am

the hard way

The hard way

I look to the sun until my eyes catch fire. Until I am blinded and can only see what I feel and in what I touch. A voyage to the center of my mind is a dangerous road to travel. I have been thinking a lot lately on my own self control and just exactly what my limit is.

I have heard the roar of the lion only a few times. The animal inspired to existence by frustration, and anger, and the inability to reason with a brick wall. I lash out when cornered when all else fails and the words crumble and fall like dead leaves to the ground. I wonder when will be the next time I am provoked and cannot hold back. If I know one thing about me, it is that I can be baited into places where I do not want to go.

Even though I can be lured, and the hook can snag deeply into my cheek, I have a lot of resolve. Not just anyone can trigger responses. It takes someone willing to push and press those buttons over and over.

When my eyes see red, and the person in front of me has become a target I am relentless. I will hurt with words, and more often than not that person will hear my voice raised for the first time. I am not the person you expect to hit back. I am the one that will not let you know my limit until it is to late. The hard way it seems, is my way.

The only control I need is over me, over my anger. Everything else I will feel shamelessly, love and pain and everything in-between, but I just do not trust myself when my fists clinch and my voice raises.

I have explored pain, sadness, and guilt with out the taint of anger. In the end I feel pure because of it. That is the source of my control, because I have no fear of being hurt or being let down, this is what keeps me moving in the face of rejection.

I wonder if this makes sense, my stream of consciousness, and thoughts turning into a typed word falling one after another. No destination and no guideline to follow, just one piece of the puzzle after the next, each one changing depending on who is looking, who is listening.



_Safira 54F
11260 posts
7/26/2006 8:25 am

It doesn't matter if it makes sense ... It is what it is, and isn't what it isn't. Understanding takes time and effort. Acceptance is everything. Creation is the key, Baby. *gentle hugs*

Safira {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:11 pm:
I'm beginning to learn just that.

TabithaElectra 39F

7/26/2006 8:33 am

The way it is written pulls you in, and good writing can always be interpreted to your own situations ~ if that makes sense!


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:12 pm:
makes perfect sense to me

HBowt2 60F

7/26/2006 8:42 am

i used to be like you.....held it until it was hard and cold....clear and sharp....i'm getting better at taking it out earlier when its less dangerous


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:13 pm:
I'm not sure if that is ever going to be my way.

Phuc_Buddy 47M

7/26/2006 9:22 am

Makes a great deal of sense and from reading the other posts it looks as if what you have written speaks on a number of levels. Great stuff btw.


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:13 pm:
thanks pb, I appreciate that.

rm_gerson42 53M
2419 posts
7/26/2006 9:34 am

Same as what Tabitha mentioned. That last paragraph which includes each one changing depending on who is looking, who is listening. That is a perfect sentence to me.
ger - (Commenting freely and without expectation.)


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:14 pm:
I'm glad you think so.

2daycowboywanted 46F

7/26/2006 10:15 am

One should be aware of ShayneDK


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:14 pm:
I'll keep my eyeball peeled

p33c3y0 43M

7/26/2006 10:21 am

sometimes that's the best way to do it ... let it flow ...


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:15 pm:
it's really the only way i know how.

rm_iwannatellu 46F
933 posts
7/26/2006 10:26 am

"this is what keeps me moving in the face of rejection"

You may never realise how much of an inspiration you are, and to whom...

Keep going!

xxx


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:15 pm:
I have no idea unless people tell me so!

Sorceror07 55M

7/26/2006 10:32 am

you've inspired my next "obsure lyrical quote" of the day lol! ...if i can find it that is

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:17 pm:
I want to hear this song, but I can't find it, you might have to send it to me.

akron42   
2375 posts
7/26/2006 1:49 pm

Anger can be crippling and it poisons our minds if we don't get it out somehow. The lion can be all-consuming at times and you're brave to face it head on. We all have to vent sooner or later, and you can always do it here. Your blogs are definitely inspirational!


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:17 pm:
inspirational how?

champagnechaser 42F
1639 posts
7/26/2006 3:40 pm

Wow, I am speechless


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:18 pm:
hehe...no you wasn't!

EroticaXTC 51F

7/26/2006 4:31 pm

"I am not the person you expect to hit back. I am the one that will not let you know my limit until it is to late. The hard way it seems, is my way."

I believe you have described me as well...I mentioned it in my blog the other day, people don't like to see me angry, they aren't prepared for it when it truly happens. I used to say that I don't say things I don't mean when I'm angry, I say the brutal truth.


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:18 pm:
The brutal truth, is simply the truth.

clitalicious67 50F

7/26/2006 5:13 pm

Very intense....hugs C~


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:19 pm:
is it?

docdirk 48M

7/26/2006 5:56 pm

Have you tried slamming your head with the car door 8 or 9 times? Usually does the trick for me.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:20 pm:
No, I just rub my dick up and down the rose bush, that seems to make me feel better.

_RoSe_ 48F
994 posts
7/26/2006 9:27 pm

I can relate to much of what you said..thank you for sharing.

"A life without passion is not a life; it is merely an existence."
~Rose~


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:21 pm:
Your very welcome. Thats why I blog, to share.

4biddenlove4us 50F

7/26/2006 11:24 pm

Sounds like Frank Sinatra " I did It My Way"
I agree with you tho, " still waters, run deep" suits you too a tee! take care sweety {=}


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:21 pm:
You just never know how deep.

MOfunNOWWOW 56F

7/27/2006 8:15 am

This is exceptional. {=}


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:21 pm:
I'm happy you thinks so, thanks

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
7/27/2006 4:05 pm

Anger can be crippling, or it can be cleansing. It's how you deal with it that makes the difference.


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 5:22 pm:
Its all in the perception.

clitalicious67 50F

7/27/2006 7:51 pm

Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 7:19 pm:
is it?

Yes I think it is. It is multi-faceted in the way it touches on different emotions...C~


EroticaXTC 51F

7/27/2006 10:54 pm

Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/27/2006 8:18 pm:
The brutal truth, is simply the truth.


absolutely, yet some people find it painful to hear.


duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
7/28/2006 10:34 am

You are an excellent writer. I felt your every word. Your words were pulling me into your feelings, not many writers can do that. Great post. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

DustStormDiva


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/28/2006 6:36 pm:
I hope you come back for more, even though I don't write as much as I used to on here.

akron42   
2375 posts
7/28/2006 7:09 pm

    Quoting akron42:
    Anger can be crippling and it poisons our minds if we don't get it out somehow. The lion can be all-consuming at times and you're brave to face it head on. We all have to vent sooner or later, and you can always do it here. Your blogs are definitely inspirational!
Are you kidding? You make me think about what is important in life, how I express myself to others, what I value, need I go on? You underestimate the power of your words. You have such a creative, yet logical mind if that makes sense. You convey your pain in a way that makes me want to fix it for you, and then you seem to work through it and come out new on the other side of it. You don't need fixing. Your words seem to heal. I'm probably rambling, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/29/2006 6:48 am:
When I was a kid and first starting to keep a journal, I began to find out that if I wrote down my problems, I could figure a way to relieve my stress about them and in doing so by the time I was done writing the solution was right there in front of me.

ButteryDelight 59F

7/29/2006 2:47 pm

Sometimes the hard way is the only way. The only way that is needed and therefore is expressed.

Buttery Delight


Kaliedascope61 replies on 7/30/2006 10:05 am:
Very true, and thanks for saying so.

DIVISION77 40M
8337 posts
7/31/2006 5:13 pm

I've never been one to let my anger built unnecessarily.

It's expressed at the moment it happens, which can be both a blessing and a curse.

One thing that helps is my understanding of the human mind, the essence of human behaviour and that more than anything has served as my coping mechanism.

If I understand why people do what they do, I can rationalize and control my anger.

People who try to push my buttons only get angry because I won't play their game.

That in itself means I have won beforehand.

Self-regulation is a priority in life.

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


Kaliedascope61 replies on 8/1/2006 8:44 am:
I think what sets me off the most is dealing with the unreasonable.

__Huntress__ 56M/58F

8/3/2006 4:22 am

Makes absolute sense to me !


Kaliedascope61 replies on 8/3/2006 5:23 am:
Good, im glad you understand!

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