Beyond the Profile part 1 - who do you think you are?  

KC_JJ 55M
5219 posts
3/14/2006 12:47 am

Last Read:
10/27/2006 4:52 am

Beyond the Profile part 1 - who do you think you are?

The title there is somewhat taken from the VH1 "Behind the Music" series.

Since I started this blog as a living extension of my profile here I've decided to now attempt to more overtly use it as such.

One of the things I've found about even people who think they know me well is that often they really don't have the greatest clue as to what really motivates me to get up every day and continue to feel that life is really worth living. Or how I concieved what my life might become when I was younger.

Ans essentially how I idealize myself or how I see myself in my own minds eye.

Likewisely one of the my strongest curiousities about potential mates and about other people searching for potential mates is how they view themselves in this way.

Some people seem very protective of this sort of thing too and getting it out of them can prove to be quite a trick.

This is no atttempt at comment whoring either. Not in the least. It really is my attmept to extend my own profile and the profiles of others whom I might have an interest in. I will also be answering my own three qustions here.

1. Out of all of the things you though you wanted to do with your life as a kid which things were most predominant?

From a very young age I was always struck with a notion that at some point I must choose something to thoroughly dedicate my life to. I knew that this was to be some discipline and not any one individual or group of people. No one ever told me to do that it was just something that was always there. That I could not deny.

I had always been an artist , from my mother who was an art instructor, and a musician, from my father but I had sort of just taken those activities for granted and not in a serious way.

In Jr. High I shifted to an interetst in the sciences. It was an equal toss up between astronomy and marine biology. My problem with scientific disciplines was mainly my fear of the math. I could do math and could excell at it but I hated it becuae it had zero application to my everyday life so thusly I resisted it.

Then I met who became my clsoest friend for the duration of my adolescence into young adulthood life. He was a professional level musician at the age of 13. My first encounter with what I'll call "a real artist" who was my own age. My close friendship with him changed absolutely everything.

It's what turned my entire vision of what my life was to be about around and focused it. It didn't happen immediately overninght but by the time I was 17 I was absolutely committed to a life of developing myself in both as a musician and an a visual artist for the rest of my days. And essentially at that point I was married to that ideal and my resulting works were my children. Still am and still are. And I have no regrets about having done so or having lived my life that way.

2. Despite whatever you did regrarding that how would you describe yourself now?

I have followed my ideals and my heart without falter and this has predominated over any sense of having a real wife or familiy (I like how that somehow almost implies a fake wife). At times I felt that maybe I was spreaing myslef too thin by not choosing visual design over music or vice versa but I could never let go of either. And if a woman ever tried to get me to choose her over my "work" I've chosen the work. I guess my feelng has been that the right girl will enhance and integrate with "the work" rather than view it as some sort of "opponent".

I've also taken the ending of certain jobs I had as bad or worse than my worst relationship breakups. I do see that as a problem but am not sure if I have what it takes to not feel that way or repeat another event of that nature.

3. If you could still make efforts to change what you've become would you?

I can only now change what I still might become and have no regrets about my past actions despite some of the unwanted results that followed.

I don't want to have to choose between what I've dedicated myself to and a partner again or be put in a situation where the whole of my sense of self worth is represented by either a job or a partner.

I know that I do need to work on making certain mental adjustments so that I do not again repeat those sorts of mistakes.

OK. that's my first installment of Beyond the Profile but don't be scared to answer these these qustions for me or for yourselves.

I'll actually be surprised of anyone really does.


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rm_SusieQ27 47F
2093 posts
3/14/2006 2:18 am

Aa.answers to your 3 questions, dear...

No1 I came.
No2 I saw
No3 I'll conquer too.

Luv n stuff {=} Susie {=}


rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
3/14/2006 10:47 am

when i was 7 years old, if i got bored i would write stories. at that age i decided i would be a writer and have pursued that dream ever since. i am a published writer, but i still haven't accomplished the whole vision, still going for it tho. altho, for some reason in the last week or so i have had a total loss of faith and feeling so disconnected from everything as a result.

to be honest, i am not afraid i won't succeed. i am afraid that i will.



[blog freelove999]


KC_JJ 55M

3/14/2006 12:50 pm

Hey Ms. HunnyHole

Some phychologists call that the snow white syndrome.

I have a touch of it myself but it's not as strong as my Alexander the Great complex which SuzieQ27's obviously got.

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jadedbabe78 107F

3/14/2006 10:18 pm

I've wanted to be a published author since I was 5. I've published a few things in the years..nothing on the scope that I want to be at...yet.

I am a work in progress.

I'm still morphing into who I want to be and who I need to be.


Transblucency 45M

3/15/2006 1:59 pm

<i>
1. Out of all of the things you though you wanted to do with your life as a kid which things were most predominant? </i>

Interestingly, you and I are very similar here. I too wanted to be a marine biologist and I was actually very interested in the science. Although, I suspect in my mind's eye I saw myself tanned and scubadiving someplace tropical or piloting a submersible, rather than walking across muddy flats with a grid, counting mussels. Like you, my maths sucked and although I was very interested in the concepts of biology, I had to throw up my hands at biochemistry.

Oddly enough, I discovered what the problem was in my mid 20s - I only learnt then (and no one at my school told me) that mathematics is the true language of nature. Through math, we can approximate almost anything, whether a shell's spiral,s a photorealistic render of light behavior through glass to two or more galaxies condensing out of the primordial hydrogen.

Since that realization, I have started to dabble again in maths and understand it better now than I did when I was a teenager. It was vaguely comforting to realize that, although now I really wanted to excel in it, I really don't have a natural aptitude. I would have been bummed to discover I actually could have been a good mathematician, as it would be a bit late to start catching up now. Instead, I'm comfortable as a dilettante.

Next, I wanted to be a journalist, but it wasn't at all what I wanted to do, once I actually started doing it. When you have to do something you love for a living, is can sometimes start to feel like a chore.

2. Despite whatever you did regrarding that how would you describe yourself now?

Very content. I am comfortable in my own skin, I know who I am, I do not (I trust, at least) fear death and I have a reasonably good idea of my place in the universe. At the same time, I'm OK with the idea of having any of these things upset.

3. If you could still make efforts to change what you've become would you?

I generally try not to spend much time looking backwards. Had I known about it earlier, I would liked to have started my prefered sport in my early 20s. But if you changed one variable in the past, how could you know what other affects it could have on you and your personality. I am quite happy right here and right now. Maybe I wouldn't have that if things had gone differently.


Whispersoftly5 53F
15176 posts
3/18/2006 3:10 pm

1. Out of all of the things you thought you wanted to do with your life as a kid which things were most predominant?

I wanted to be a vet an archilogist and a writer. Those were my big dreams. The writing has stayed with me and I enjoy it very much. I've always made sure to be in jobs that allow me to write no matter if it's techinical or otherwise, so long as I get to write I'm happy.

2. Despite whatever you did regrarding that how would you describe yourself now?

I would say I'm a care-taker to a great extent. I'm very supportive of others in words and action. I'm reliable and overall responsible. Some of the things that influenced this is tending to my developmentally disabled brother growing up and even now - caring and living in with the elderly (the most gratifying thing I've done in my life) - caring for friends and family - working hard to develope staff at work, etc. I don't do this at the expense of being walked on though. But, it's a huge part of my personality. I still love to write and do that a lot. Also, this may be age more than anything, but I am finally enjoying who I am and living my life the way I'm most comfortable with. So even though I'm a care-taker I don't live or die over people accepting me. I just am who I am and I enjoy the fact that I'm in a constant state of evolution.

3. If you could still make efforts to change what you've become would you?

I think we can and should make efforts to change who we've become if there are aspects of our personality we find disagreeable. To me life is about learning and personal growth - so there's always room for change.

Whisper...


KC_JJ 55M

3/23/2006 10:02 am

    Quoting rm_SusieQ27:
    Aa.answers to your 3 questions, dear...

    No1 I came.
    No2 I saw
    No3 I'll conquer too.

    Luv n stuff {=} Susie {=}
Hi SusieQ27,

I told MzHunyhole she had a touch of Snow White Syndrome and I'm not certain if it's yet a named thing yet but I also mentioned that I thought you had an Alexander the Great complex. But I think they call it the Atilla the Hun psychosis in Asia or something along those lines.

I just wonder if anyone yet makes an Atilla Vanilla ice cream.

MMM [ MMM


KC_JJ 55M

3/23/2006 10:14 am

    Quoting rm_FreeLove999:
    when i was 7 years old, if i got bored i would write stories. at that age i decided i would be a writer and have pursued that dream ever since. i am a published writer, but i still haven't accomplished the whole vision, still going for it tho. altho, for some reason in the last week or so i have had a total loss of faith and feeling so disconnected from everything as a result.

    to be honest, i am not afraid i won't succeed. i am afraid that i will.
Yes fear of success is something I've seen a lot of in artist types of people that I've known. Myself included.

And a big part of it once success does occur is having to again live up to that last great thing you did.

This also makes me think of that young world class ski jumper from Finland who was on the lucky steak of his life at the last winter Olympics. He did so absolutely phenomenal back then that the whole world and himself were completely awestruck by his unbroken streak of amazing medal winning jumps. And then this Olympics his performances were somewhat lackluster in comparison. But still by anything but the absolute highest standards in the world he did great. But not the same big, big awe inspiring jumps he continually pulled off last Olympics.

He kept apologizing for his still great but not as good jumps.

A lot times huge success can be hard to live up to.

MMM [ MMM


KC_JJ 55M

3/23/2006 10:24 am

    Quoting jadedbabe78:
    I've wanted to be a published author since I was 5. I've published a few things in the years..nothing on the scope that I want to be at...yet.

    I am a work in progress.

    I'm still morphing into who I want to be and who I need to be.
Hi Jade,

I now recall that your early blog posts mentioned you actually joining up here to do research for writing a book. Are you still doing that? I hope you've not yet cast as too dark of a sexual villain in it. Wait a minute maybe I hope you have!

AdultFriendFinder
The Novel

Even you don't do one exactly like that I hope to someday see that you've written a bestseller. And I think Benicio Del Toro would be the best casting choice to play me if the A_FF novel even makes it to the big screen.

MMM [ MMM


KC_JJ 55M

3/23/2006 2:31 pm

Transblucency wrote...

I too wanted to be a marine biologist and I was actually very interested in the science. Although, I suspect in my mind's eye I saw myself tanned and scubadiving someplace tropical or piloting a submersible, rather than walking across muddy flats with a grid, counting mussels. Like you, my maths sucked and although I was very interested in the concepts of biology, I had to throw up my hands at biochemistry.

I think it was a combination of the movie Jaws and of watching The Undersea World of Jacques (oe should that be Jock?) Cousteau that initially sparked my interest. But after I actually visited some colleges campuses and spoke with some actual students of it it dawned on me that I may glamorized the field to a much higher degree than was actually the case in the real world.

Also I must ask if United Statesian style English is not your mother tongue. Your pluralization of the word 'math' and usage of the term 'submersible' lead me suspect that you've at least spent some decent time somewhere which might fly some form of the old "Onion Jack". (not Garlic Jack)


Oddly enough, I discovered what the problem was in my mid 20s - I only learnt then (and no one at my school told me) that mathematics is the true language of nature. Through math, we can approximate almost anything, whether a shell's spiral,s a photorealistic render of light behavior through glass to two or more galaxies condensing out of the primordial hydrogen.

I had a similar experience when I somewhat recently took up a short lived hobby of dabbling into pharmaceutical chemistry. The hobby did not last long due to the highly explosive, highly corrosive and highly toxic natures (did I forget to include illegal in there?) of many of the reagents necessary to conduct this form of research and experimentation. In other words it's got way more hazards inherent in it than is worth messing with (for the average Joe at least). But I learned more things about rock solid practical science and the true nature of physical matter itself in that brief but thoroughly fascinating endeavor than I ever had from anything else.

But coming as close as you'd ever want to come to burning down a house (but not quite) was my symbolic hint that maybe it was quite possibly a hobby which had worn out it's welcome. What I learned from that set of experiences though will stay with me for life.

And what is that preferred sport that you discovered a bit too late in life?


MMM [ MMM


KC_JJ 55M

3/23/2006 3:23 pm

Hi whisper,

So do you now ever just go to an empty field and start digging randomly to compensate for that Archaeology that you never ended up doing?

I now remember you mentioning taking care of your brother way back in one of the first posts I ever made which concerned my father considering moving to an old folks home.

He doesn't seem to have moved at all towards actually doing that at this point BTW.

And even though you also did not end up being a vet I bet you still are pretty damn skilled at helping an injured critter to heal, aren't you?

What you do is quite honorable and I'm not sure if you are actually a nurse per-se', but when I was hospitalized once ( for a great clue as to why read my last response - burn ward ) for three weeks I saw how damn hard nurses work and how much they really do care about people. Personally I think their pay should be brought more in line with doctors. As far as I ever saw they work harder and really care more about patients true well being than actual doctors. Well most of them. I would not want to have to pay what the doctors do for malpractice insurance though.


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