To Scratch or Not to Scratch?  

Juliet610 52F
802 posts
3/5/2006 9:25 pm

Last Read:
6/4/2006 2:54 am

To Scratch or Not to Scratch?

No, I'm not playing Hamlet, but he once posed a question, and I need some help sorting out one of my own.

About a year and a half ago, I began dating again for the first time in about five years. Prior to "El Perdedor" (Spanish for The Loser; more on him in another Blog), on the rare occasions when I had an itch, I relied on BOB to scratch it. For the guys reading this, BOB is an acronym for Battery Operated Boyfriend--only mine isn't battery operated because they generally don't have sufficient power to do a decent scratch job. Having just scratched that itch, since I am no longer seeing El Perdedor, prompted this whole thought process. And now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, let me move on.

After a while I felt I was ready for the intimacy I had so sorely missed, so we did what every healthy couple does. El Perdedor was more than competent in bed–he was actually very good. But having been with BOB for so long, it was an adjustment. The orgasms weren’t as intense, and it took much longer to get there. But BOB sure couldn’t offer what El Perdedor could in the emotional intimacy department, at least at first.

So what does that old memory have to do with my life now, and Mr. Potential, 2006? Well, since I stopped seeing El Perdedor, I started “seeing” BOB again. Am I going to have to go through the same adjustment with Mr. Potential? Doesn’t the difference in the emotional connection more than make up for the difference in the physical sensations? I always sleep well after a session with BOB, but I wake up more satisfied when I’ve fallen asleep in the arms of my man.

So Ladies, am I the only woman to face this dilemma? I can't be! Tell me, how do you handle the transition from BOB to man? What are the pros and cons of each in your experience? Oh, okay, guys can respond, too, if they want!

As always, I welcome your thoughts.

innerouter 52M

3/5/2006 10:55 pm

My thoughts: The transition from one person to another always falls under severe scrutiny based on what you experienced sexually and mentally from your last real relationship. Real relationship, being the one that had the ideal ingredients or so you thought at the time
but none the less it is the one one you compare all others to.
As for weather the emotional connection more than makes for the physical sentations depends on you. Some days it may and others it may not. I my opinion you need to have the best of both to be happy
for the lifetime haul.

keithcancook 61M
17979 posts
3/6/2006 5:07 pm

As you become more accustomed to your man your orgasms will intensify. Familiarity will enhance the pleasure for both of you.

PS: I came here after I read a comment of yours over at papyrina's place. I agree with you. You are incredibly sexy. (sublimely so)

Juliet610 52F

3/6/2006 5:48 pm

Handsum, Great idea to incorporate BOB--I'm just not sure of the whole timing issue.

Inner, My pattern in transitioning from one person to another has had LONG gaps in between. I feel lucky to remember what sex is, let alone what the last guy was like. This is a rather unusual circumstance for me--it's been less than a year since I broke it off with El Perdedor, so I actually do remember him. But in many ways, BOB was/is superior!

Sexy, Thanks for seconding the opinion. When would you suggest asking if BOB could join us? See Foto's comment below yours...

Foto, Interesting idea on introducing BOB right from the start, although Sexy suggests waiting. Are you representative of most guys in being so open to including BOB, or are you an outlier?

Keith, Thanks for the encouragement regarding intensifying orgasms. Do you have any idea of how intense will they get, because I had NO complaints before?! And thank you also for the very kind words! I wrote that after one too many Cosmos, which wasn't very smart. But seeing that I was the host, at least I didn't have to drive home!

One last thought, or more of a question for the guys: Are you comfortable including BOB in play? IF so, when and how do you go about suggesting it? Thanks for your comments!

muffnut 53M

3/6/2006 9:05 pm

You’re opening up! You must have blushed after reading what you wrote later!

BOBs are great! So are oils for massages, feathers, soft sheepskin and furs, and flavoured lubes...and now there are programmable BOB things that you can change the strength, frequency, and "music" it works to. Perhaps someday, hevn forbid, you can even try remote controlled BOB in a public place, but WARNING many units don't have unique frequencies as I found out at the Seattle Opera house and other venues with my friends (yes, we laughed later every time we remember the looks and shades of red on those other ladies faces)

Now that BOB(s) has(have) become such an important part of your happiness, share it! You should introduce BOB(s) in the early part of your relationship before you get emotionally deep with some one and if they can't Live with and share the happiness that BOB(s) bring you drop them like a cold turd because that is all they may ever be!

I bring my "toy bag" on dates and my dates bring their toys to my place. We have a great time practicing our Kama Sutra, using BOBs, replacing batteries, massages and oils, lubes, feathers...drinking wine... and having a great time for hours and hours, 4 to 8 hours is the range, 6 hours is typical. Glory Be! I was fixed years ago so things are different for me now, but it sure is fun for us to go time and time again, stronger and longer,...for hours... and I know things get better as the hours go on and on... so the longer the better.

When I make new friends we eventually ask the inevitable, my toys or yours? Only a few have ventured forth with one of my remotes active in public, WO that is fun!

Remember a classic and true thing about woman, timeless. After a woman has truly climaxed they are totally defenseless (physically, mentally, and emotionally) if you rest, hug, stroke, and speak softly and sensually to them as you slowly stoke them up for their next one they are yours forever... eventually they fall asleep in your arms and well... and that's when they never forget you? Remember BOB can’t do this, nor will they ever feel those ways about BOB, so never, never, be jealous of BOB.

I predict that someday in your future you too will ask the inevitable question, my toys or yours?

Yourmuffnut, very soon to disappear from this virtual venue forever into the Loving warm arms, soft words and breath, and slumber of a dear friend making time with me.

candlesman1 57M
7 posts
3/6/2006 11:40 pm

BOB doesn't scare me at all, I would gladly share you with a BOB even on a first date.....Hell, who am I kidding.....I would gladly just watch you and BOB on the first date without being allowed to touch.........But on a more serious note, it has been said that what usually defines your last relationship is your next which came first BOB, or a relationship.......okay maybe that wasn't really a more serious note, but I would rather follow BOB than the other way much to think about here, or not, because maybe BOB can't hurt you unless you do the hurtin yourself

keithcancook 61M
17979 posts
3/7/2006 6:39 am

"One last thought, or more of a question for the guys: Are you comfortable including BOB in play? IF so, when and how do you go about suggesting it?"

For me it is all about the sensuality of the moment. If BOB were to appear new pleasures would follow.

PS: A gal with your wit and communications skills will have no problem working BOB into the mix. Use your imagination. If your partner has none you will quickly become aware of it.

newladyfriend 61M/61F
4 posts
3/7/2006 7:06 am

Hi Juliet

It seems to me that most of the thoughts and comments expressed here are right on the mark. I have been married for 16 wonderful years and it was my husband the turned me on to BOB and many other things. LOL He has become a master and just by watching and listing to me can make BOB do things I believe most women will never experience. In the hands of someone who is willing to take the time and learn your ever nuance, you get BOB and don’t even have to think about it. It’s the best of both worlds. You will feel his hands touching you, his mouth kissing you, and BOB working his magic for you. WOW. Don’t settle for anything less. It’s my feeling that you should introduce BOB gently on the first date along with a large dose of exploring to find out what will please him. Men generally are very visual and as several of the guys have already indicated “would love to just watch you use BOB” me too

It sounds to me like you are willing to give pleasure make sure that that is a priority for him.


MillsShipsGayly 53M

3/7/2006 8:54 am

Julz - I think a lot of women have faced this issue and can provide great input.

My humble wood nickle .. $0.05:
The 'easy' first penny: Long run happiness comes from emotional attachment and not just the buzz factor
Your orgasms are behavioural - trainable
A man cannot humm fast enough to focus on your clit like BOB
You need to ween yourself off BOB (to retrain the neural-orgasm path)
You can/should incorporate BOB but if you always come with BOB, you will make it tough for Mr Potential and more importantly you might hinder your ability to fully enjoy the WE Potential

Juliet610 52F

3/7/2006 6:12 pm

Muffn--Yes, I blushed crimson when I went back and read what I had written, and yet I stand by every word. I like the idea of "My toys or yours?" And Congratualtions on making the connection we all are looking for! But why does that mean you have to leave?

Handsum--I'm sure my instincts will guide me about when to introduce BOB to Mr. Potential. In the interim, I'm waiting for my instincts to tell me when to introduce Mr. Potential to my bedroom.... One step at a time!

Candles--I hope no one ends up hurting anyone--that's why I'm taking it a step at a time. I've been down that road before and can live the rest of my life not revisiting it!

Keith--Mr. Potential has plenty of imagination, so when it all comes together, I'm sure it will be fine. The sensuality will definitely dictate the moment!

Nan--Thanks for the female perspective! I thought the majority of responses would be from women, due to the nature of the question, but since the site is dominated by men, I should have known the responses would be as well... I want to experience your "WOW!" I believe I could do that with Mr. Potential. I'll keep you posted.

Michael--I think that was the crux of my question: Would I be dependent on BOB for satisfaction, because the sensations are quite different. However, I think if I take all the comments into considertion that I can, as Nan said, have the best of both worlds. Sounds mighty fine to me!

Once again, thank you all for your thoughts. I do appreciate them as I once more I try to catch the wind...

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
3/8/2006 10:10 am

I'm not sure whether or not I have anything of substance to contribute but my goodness...I love your writing style! I tend to agree with my friend Keithcancook on this one. Fun is fun and it seems as tho most men would be delighted for anything we'd ever want to do, sexually. And if not, then, well, maybe it's reconsideration time.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

ForPlay2000 56M

3/10/2006 8:40 pm

Sighhhh… I read your “BOB” blog, then walked to the window and looked out on a beautiful pre-spring day here in Alaska. My windows are open and the fresh air is circulating around me as a couple of Raven’s are Hell bent upon scrapping with each other over a tasty bit of trash. The air is crisp but the Sun’s rays are radiant and warming. It snowed yesterday so everything is pristine. I hear a dog barking far off in the distance and very little else. I am reminded of day, much like today and a friend named BOB.

Some years back I was opening a fledgling business that required the services of an interior designer. One was recommended and a meeting arranged. As you may have already guessed walking into that meeting was like being hit by a ton of bricks… It was like finally meeting your long lost soul mate you’d not seen in many life times. My ears hung on her every word. But, I comprehended nothing. My eyes undressed her completely until I knew every curve of her body. Her perfume was intoxicating, yet she was wearing none. Before one assumes I am a brain-numbing idiot, let me say the same impact I was feeling was reciprocal.

I left the meeting having no idea how the offices would be arranged or decorated but having committed to a design plan. And, we had agreed to have dinner but not as a date as she was, for reasons unknown to me, reluctant to characterize any meeting with a man as a date at that point in her life. However you characterize it we had dinner together almost every night over the next week or so. We cooked most of those dinners in her little apartment. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other on an emotional, spiritual or intellectual level. We hadn’t broached the physical level so it wasn’t a matter of sex although the chemistry was dead on. And impending.

Finally, one evening after dinner, we found ourselves in an embrace that led to the bedroom and with each piece of clothing discarded I came to truly know every curve of her body. She was slender and petite but a voracious lover. Being the contentious person I am I was keenly aware that while she readily seemed to know the music she wasn’t familiar with the orchestra. I was exhausted, walking upon rubbery legs and giddy when we searched naked through out a darkened kitchen for something (anything) that would provide the lubricant to continue what was now becoming a quest. Successful in our mission we returned to the bedroom but to no effect. That is when I was first introduced to BOB.

BOB weighed about five pounds and caused the lights to dim in Anchorage every time he began to idle. He only had three speeds. Fast, faster and fastest. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he was the most effective. When it came time for BOB to be introduced to the equation we generally took the “doggie” position and she would stimulate her clit with BOBs help while I did what a man does in the position I was in. BOB never offended me and in fact added an element of stimulation I hadn’t conceived of.

BOB became incorporated into our lives and I didn’t give it a lot of thought. We were both very comfortable and happy. I can’t speak for BOB. We even joked at BOB’s expense but he was always ready willing and able… Until that fateful day.

A friend of mine offered me the use of his remote cabin and a snow machine. We leapt at the opportunity and left work early on a Friday afternoon and began the trip of a lifetime. We had to snow machine 65 miles into a remote wilderness area with no road access and was only accessible by bush plane during the summer. The nearest cabin was twenty miles away. It took awhile to get organized but we were finally on our way with a cargo sled in tow behind us.

Because of the distance to trailer the sled to the drop off point and the time required to travel 65 miles by snow machine, we knew it would be dusk by the time we arrived at the cabin, if we didn’t get lost. And, we knew the cabin hadn’t been occupied for months so it would be soundly cold when we got there and it would take hours to heat the cabin by the only means available. A wood stove.

Despite a couple moments of concern we found the cabin and began shuttling firewood into position to light the stove. As we did so, a full moon was breaching the backdrop of the mountains and gave everything a long shadowy appearance with a moon glow intensified by the reflective qualities of the snow as is so common in the north country. With the fire lit and everything transferred from the cargo sled we waited for the cabin to warm and set about boiling water for a warming cup of tea followed by the sound of a cork exiting a bottle of wine.

It took a while for the cabin to thaw and as we were cold we stripped naked and jumped under the covers to keep each other warm, and occupied. The glow from the fire and all the oil candles we’d lit gave an ambience to the setting that burns an impression into one’s brain forever. The windows were fogged over with ice and yet the moonlight filtered through the windows. The occasional howl of a lonely wolf added to the crackle of the fire and the sound of two young lovers exploring each other’s bodies kiss by kiss. We took turns stoking the fire but her turn was always my favorite. She would slip naked from under the covers, bend gracefully and lady-like in front of the stove to add fuel to the fire. Then gracefully arise and turn abruptly, her breasts sultry and inviting shadowed by flickering light and scurry back to me. She was a princess in daylight, but a goddess in moonlight combined by firelight.

We had been engaged in fore play for about an hour when we began to feel a compelling warming sensation that overcame us. We threw off the covers and made love in many ways, positions and places in that small one room cabin. And then… she disengaged, her hair in ringlets from sweat and reached into her travel bag and pulled out BOB! As she rolled right shoulder over left our gaze met. It was immediate. I didn’t see the expression on my face except to say it was reflected in hers. BOB has a tail and he was a good 80 miles from the electrical grid. I don’t know what she was thinking or if she was really thinking at all when she packed up BOB and took him on this adventure. We both laughed but it didn’t cover up my sense of performance anxiety. For the first time in three months BOB laid idle and flaccid. Yet, we tried to no avail.

The next morning we heated a kettle of water on the stove and began washing each other’s bodies with wet wash clothes. First her. And, then after her it was my turn. It was very arousing as you might suspect. And, as lovers do when aroused we made love on the porch, in the bed and on the floor. I could hear the music trembling inside her but it never reached that crescendo.

After our bath we made breakfast and ate heartily. Then, we made a travel lunch of cheeses, breads, fruits and filled a boda bag of wine. Then, we set off on a travel excursion to explore the wilderness by snow machine. It was a sunny day and we had to keep stopping to remove layers of clothing until we finally kept only our outer gear on. We finally found a plateau where you could see forever and the air was still. Yet, it was previously wind swept and the snow had been removed to the point you could build a fire and walk around with out falling five feet or more into the snow pack. We laughed, talked and indulged. I would say we were deeply connected.

A funny thing happened as we were packing up to leave for the cabin. She sat down on the long black vinyl seat cushion of the snow machine and commented on how warm it was due to the Sun. I did also and felt its warmth too. Long story short, we removed all of our clothes except our boots and made love on that plateau and she came in a way that was previously unheard of by both of us. It caused her some embarrassment because we both thought she had peed herself. Yet, it was undeniable, BOB was miles away and she experienced an orgasm that may have been different, better or possibly in kind to BOB.

Upon returning to the cabin we re-lit the fire that had gone out in the stove and began making a gourmet dinner. We were HUNGRY! You’d be surprised how much energy it takes to drive a snow machine let alone hold onto the one driving. And, the act of making dinner together was a huge turn on for both of us. But, we didn’t talk about the experience of earlier in the day.

We remained soul mates for a few months after that and BOB was very rarely apart of our daily routine. She didn’t always come so effortlessly, in fact it was a challenge to keep up with BOB. Yet, he was always there in a pinch. I never minded it. Truth be known, I enjoyed what BOB offered in multiple ways.

She eventually met a well defined man with a great deal of security to offer her. We ended up taking different paths. It’s ironic that we would end up in the same class later in life. And, then the same study group. I was eventually sitting next to her during class and went to her house (mansion) for one of those study groups. I was married way back then so I was interested, but restricted. I arrived early as requested so she could show me around the house and see all the art work she’d completed in this environment. The artwork was impressive. I was touched by it. But, then as we walked past their bed on the way out of their bedroom, which contained her masterpiece, I saw what looked like BOB’s tail. I stopped and pondered my next statement and being as direct as I am I asked if it was in fact BOB’s tail. Indeed it was!

Her response was… “I have a maid and a cook. I have a butler and a chauffeur. But, most of the housework around here is done by BOB!”

Juliet, I’m not sure what that means but if I were to venture a guess I’d suppose it means she relied solely on BOB just a tad too much. I feel compelled to advise you to integrate BOB into your “potential 2006” until you can eliminate BOB as much as possible. There is no Worldly connection more important than that of flesh to flesh and mind to spirit. It takes time and patience to get the moves right. But, if all you rely on is what you already know, how will you ever grow beyond what you already know? I’m sure that can be debated and here are ten other view points that “beg” to be heard:

1 . My new vibrator will not start begging me for a blow job before I even get him out of the box.
2. My new vibrator will not ask me to "snuggle."
3. I will not have to make awkward post-coital conversation with my new vibrator. I won't even have to look at him. He'll be stashed neatly away in my nightstand drawer.
4. My new vibrator will not tell all the other household appliances that I like to do it doggy-style and be smacked on the ass with a wire hanger.
5. My new vibrator will not shut down just when I'm about to have an orgasm, and if he does, it's nothing that three fresh AA batteries can't fix.
6. There is no chance that my vibrator will give me an STD or impregnate me with a screaming, snot-tipped baby vibrator.
7. When I'm done, I can turn my new vibrator off and he won't grumble or try to lay a guilt trip on me. I won't have to endure ten more minutes of monotonous pounding while I stare at the ceiling and make up my daily to-do list in my head.
8. My vibrator will not steal the covers in the middle of the night or fart in bed.
9. My vibrator will not beg me to get a Brazilian bikini wax or any other costly procedure involving the ripping out of my taint hairs by a complete stranger.

And finally,

10. Anytime I want to I can upgrade to the larger, more powerful Synergy model with oscillating action, six speeds, and five interchangeable attachments. My old vibrator will not threaten me, speed by my house at night with his stereo blaring, tell his friends I was a "psycho bitch," or call me up at 3 a.m. drunk and remind me of all the great times we had.

newladyfriend 61M/61F
4 posts
3/12/2006 7:11 pm

Hi ForPlay200: Life is funny don’t you think. I greatly enjoyed your writing. I have only one comment to add/ask. In all that you described what about the tongue. I do not wish to be crude but there is NOTHING BOB can do that a skilled man or as I have found out a skilled women and his/her tongue can’t do as well or better. I love BOB and would not want to live with out it (110 is my friend) but as good as BOB is I have to agree flesh on flesh always wins out. I hope you and your bride have a great marriage where BOB is a part of however small.

In any great relationship there is always a need for balance. Whatever that means to those involved.


ForPlay2000 56M

3/18/2006 8:44 pm


Yes, life is funny. And, thank you for the compliment. In writing the above regarding BOB I wasn't suggesting that BOB be eliminated all together. The tongue when properly choreographed is an excellent alternative to BOB. We discovered that it took a little bit of practice but it was well worth the dance. And, while the dance ended, the music continues... I still remember the steps!

rm_unlistedone 67M
2718 posts
3/24/2006 11:11 am

Juliet610, I just read your post here, and on my post I've written an apology. I do hope you will take the time to read it. Again, I'm sorry for the "crossing of the BOBS."
a friend, hopefully, unlisted one

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