Little White Lies  

Juliet610 52F
802 posts
2/23/2006 10:26 pm

Last Read:
5/29/2006 4:29 am

Little White Lies

I’ve been reading a lot of profiles lately. Last count I had over 100 emails in my Inbox, and nearly 200 in my Filtered box. Yes, several of them are from “Old Friends,” or “Repeat Offenders,” but any you look at it, that’s a lot of people promoting themselves. And while everyone wants to be unique and stand out, after a while they all start to sound alike.

“I enjoy hiking, camping and fishing.” “Very oral, love to please my partner.” Then there’s the famous, “Totally honest, ask me anything.”

How much of what is in your profile is 100% true? How much is a slight embellishment of the truth, commonly called a Little White Lie? I read an article recently that said people tell little white lies in order to avoid hurting another person’s feelings. I have to admit, I fell into that trap before. The problem is that one lie leads to another to cover it, which leads to another, and so on, and pretty soon your credibility is gone.

When you begin corresponding with “a potential,” how much of your past do you tell? Sure, most people say their life is an open book, go ahead and ask them anything. But how do you know if their answer is really honest? It’s pretty tough to verify an answer when you may not even know the person’s real name.

The reason this is an issue to me is because of a conversation I had with a guy I met recently. He seems like a great guy and I’m really enjoying getting to know him. We’ve chatted late into the night on more than one occasion, and had some pretty steamy sessions. We’ve also had some more serious discussions about everything from soup to nuts. His life has been so similar to mine in certain areas, but so different in others. I wanted to know about some of the differences so I asked. At anytime he could have said he was uncomfortable answering my question at this point in our relationship, but he never did. In fact, he kept saying I could ask him anything, so I did.

Well, in the way only fate could orchestrate, I ran into a mutual friend shortly after I met him. It took a while for my female friend and I to put it together that we had a mutual acquaintance, but once we did, we noticed some discrepancies in their memories. Sort of a “He said, she said” situation. To her credit, my new friend said she may have been seeing more in the relationship than was really there because this guy was damn near everything she had ever wanted. But it seemed the timing was just off and he slipped out of her life.

Well, to make a long story short (I know, too late!) some of the things he told me conflicted with my female friend’s memory. Was he telling me a little white lie to spare my feelings? Or was his neglect in mentioning her something more? I’ve considered that maybe my female friend just remembered wrong, but she showed me evidence to back her words. So is this guy’s lie a sign that maybe he’s not so wonderful after all? I welcome your thought.

muffnut 53M

2/24/2006 12:48 am

The worst thing about posting your "wish list" online is that potential offenders can "match" it. That is they either are actually a match (good!), or "become" a match (bad), or more exactly what you profess you need or wish to share? In reality this can only go on so long it they chose to "match" you (or be a "player" as some call them). Then either they permanently change, partially change, or even worse just change around you and are themselves elsewhere or with "others" (ouch). Cons, as played so well in "Wedding Crashers" and many times in our real Lives are both sexes and are aptly called "players."

I found the best way to get the real picture of a person is how are their relationships with their family, children, and friends? If they are "bad" relationships or have "issues" then that is what will probably happen with your relationship with them (bad habits?)... Friends, do they have old ones for years? Old friends tell you where they came from, where they have been, and how well they "keep" relationships over time (through thick and thin?), new friends are where they are today and that could be transient... Thus, show me your friends and you show me “you” at points in time.

Anyways I feel it is best not to put your wish list online, or throw in some "ringers" (things that you don't like that you say you do like) if you post a “wish list.” I know it is nasty to do ringers, but it works and people do it! Talk/chat with them a couple of different times and see how act and how they help you with little issues or what their solutions would be.

Remember, have confidence, have fun, and don't be afraid to bail out if you discover you just can not have a relationship with someone. Unproductive relationships are just that, unproductive, and no-one should have non-productive relationships for any reason. You can easily build more relationships, productive relationships, and someday the ultimate relationship will be there to Live and immerse each other in. But remember commitment doesn’t come from “promises” it is a natural product of the quantity and quality of the relationship you share.

Live and be happy today. If tomorrow comes be happy and Live that too, but don't wait for tomorrow to be happy because it may never come

gussax 52M

2/25/2006 9:19 pm

I'm kind of funny when it comes to lies. I think all lies are wrong, however I also realize telling the truth all the time is difficult. It is easy to be open with people you don't know, and with people you are real close to but the rest of the world is difficult to not lie too. Generally I find that people don't lie to spare peoples feelings but rather to protect themselves. We know we are not going to lose our real close friends regardless of what we tell them, and those people we don't know real well we generally don't care what they think. You and your friend are in the area in between where if he reveals something to you that you find questionable he is threatened that he might push you away. For some reason we believe that intimacy in conversation (revealing stuff) is good, I disagree. I think that intimacy too soon can ruin any possibility of a close relationship. The trust that needs to be there can only come with time, and along with that trust then follows the intimacy in conversation. But then again I have always been a private person, so take what I say with a grain of salt. It's funny that the one person (female) who I reveal the most too, has told me that if I were more like I am around her when I am around other women, I would be getting laid every night. So it is also my belief that with the revealing of information there is also a sexual attraction, why I don't know.

Billy4utoo 57M
3 posts
3/5/2006 12:21 pm

As always... once a liar always a liar... Most guys think that you would never find out. Just the truth, sorry if it hurts.

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
3/6/2006 5:43 pm

It is only natural for humans to be less than forthcoming when it concerns their shortcomings. I do not see fault in this.

Still, if one promises to answer "any question" one should answer it truthfully.

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