Found a REALLY Fun Church  

Juliet610 52F
802 posts
3/26/2006 10:08 pm

Last Read:
9/15/2007 9:10 pm

Found a REALLY Fun Church

I have a friend who was raised Catholic, got married in the church against her better judgment, and then quit the church. She has tried a number of different churches, but has found nothing to her liking. Something called Catholic Guilt tells her she has to go to church or she’ll go to hell. Therefore, she is starting her own church:

Madame Angel's First Church of Hedonism and Carnal Enlightenment.

She strongly believes that most people are educated far beyond their level of obedience to the church tenets, so with every sermon she preaches, she will give an assignment, and leave sufficient time in the service to practice what she has preached. Coming from a Catholic background, she is well aware that most of their services last just about an hour. Nevertheless, she insists that is not enough time to both preach on a subject and practice the finer points, so plan on spending at least two hours in church each week.

In anticipation of a positive reaction once the word gets out, she has begun preparing sermons so that when she has at least 50 people commit to join her church, she will be ready. Her first sermon is on How to give the Perfect Blow Job, obviously more directed to the females in the congregation, as well as gay and bi guys. However, she encourages everyone to apply what they have learned, regardless of sexual preference, because it never hurts to try something new.

Her next several topics are The Challenge of Cunnilingus; 69: Good, Better or Best; Discipline is Good for the Sub; and Bonding Though Bondage. These topics sound infinitely more interesting and useful than any sermon I’ve sat through before. And I must say, the practical application portion of the service is the clincher for me. I’ve heard that takes 21 days to master a new skill, or establish a new habit, and the hardest part is simply getting started. Having the time set aside is a huge help. The next biggest problem is lack of support. Well, with the entire congregation involved, there would be plenty of people to encourage and support you. Heck, I bet there would even be enough volunteers to let you test your new skill, to see if you have mastered the technique. OH—I forgot to mention, she won’t pass the collection plate, so you don’t even have to pay! So are you ready to join?

Another thought to stick to the roof of your mind.

livemachts 42M

3/26/2006 11:40 pm

Darf ich mich dazusetzen ???

reverend21 50M
1913 posts
3/27/2006 1:10 am

Where is this place again?

tillerbabe 57F

3/27/2006 1:16 am

Probably the FIRST church service I would enjoy!

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
3/27/2006 7:46 am

I will join with this congregation. As a former Catholic boy myself I hope that you will have some cool rituals with deep historical roots placed into the service. That shit comforts me somehow.

The Liturgy seems promising, so count me in...

ForPlay2000 56M

3/27/2006 10:10 am

Having been raised Chatholic and attended a Jesuit school I can understand your friends feelings called "Chatholic Guilt".

Will there be daily services? Or, is it just a weekend service?

I may be interested in joining the steering committee!

Juliet610 52F

3/27/2006 10:05 pm

Thank you for your interest in our church! Angel may be the head Madame (preacher), but I get to be the Mistress and lead practical application portion of the program.

Reverend, We're located in the great Pacific Northwest (specifically the Tacoma area), which happens to be the least churched area of the country. They ought to love us, helping to find lost souls, don’t you think? And your handle alone grants you special guest speaker privileges, if you would like, Rev!

Tillerbabe, Guaranteed you’ll enjoy the services, or your money back. Oh wait–we don’t take a collection, so they’re be no money to give back…

Keith, I’ll put you in charge of inventing our ancient rituals, which will have a long and distinguished history. I’m sure the Druids have a few we could borrow, or maybe the Babylonians–didn’t they have shrine prostitutes? Just make sure none of the rituals involve blood or sacrifice–it would probably be bad for our image.

ForPlay, We’ll start with just weekend services a for the congregation. However, one of our tenets stresses the importance of personal devotion, as well as corporate celebration. So we will definitely encourage practicing at home, or at the office, or on the subway, or behind the stacks in the library, or wherever the desire takes you. As the congregation grows and there is sufficient interest, we definitely plan to add daily services. But until that time, please, by all means, feel free to practice on your own!

Handsum, I’ll put you in charge of judging the improvement among our parishioners, okay?

Keep recruiting more members–we need to reach 50 to hold our first service. Oh, a few more sermon titles: Good Vibrations; All Night Long; Please Please Me; What’s Love Got to do With It?; and of course, Satisfaction!

OpenSeeker 58M
2 posts
3/27/2006 11:27 pm

I need an address for this church

frogger1995 40F

3/28/2006 5:30 am

A "frieng" huh? I've heard that before.

I say tell your "friend" to move cunnilingus to the top of the list...heaven knows men could use it!

lund0069 48M

3/29/2006 1:05 am how will you baptise me when i join????

and where is it my travel agent NOW !!!!

rm_ohbboy 55M
2 posts
3/29/2006 7:43 am

wow. i am new to this. found this serendipitously and all your comments are interesting. jules, looks like you're going through a healing heart and soul. Aren't we all at one time or another. You have quite introspective thoughts. this will be interesting to follow and read.

candlesman1 57M
7 posts
4/2/2006 1:23 pm

Sign me up as well.......Would love some pointers on that whole cunnilingis thing.....I'm so terrible I thinnk I should go first...
Hope all is well Julz

rm_Mrnonooky 58M

4/8/2006 1:04 pm

Now that's MY kind of church. Especially since I lost my last girlfriend BECAUSE of a new church.

The preacher addresses sinful immoral sex in every sermon, and after a few weeks of that, my girlfriend broke it off.

Yet she is still asking ME Bible questions. Now go figure.

jsmd2006 58M

5/6/2006 10:54 pm

I've been experiencing a religious void in my current existence; damn, I'm just drawn here like a moth to the flame. Where exactly do I sign?


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