Keeping a promise...  

JoeC93 44M
19 posts
9/20/2005 12:36 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 12:25 pm

Keeping a promise...

When I first started this blog (which wasn’t very long ago), I made a post about the bitter women I’ve noticed on this site. In that post, I mentioned that I would get to the guys later. Honestly, I’ve been feeling pretty good about this site and haven’t really had much of a desire to vent. At least not that much…

But now that has changed. Once again, I am getting pissed off with the advice line. Not the Advice Line in general, but rather the posts and the posters. Some of the comments and attitudes have been getting under my skin lately, and it is now time to vent.

I’ve got some crap I want to get off my chest. And fellas ‒ it’s your turn.

The more I read responses from men on this site and the more stories I hear about men on this site, one question springs to mind… “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!”

I tip my hat to the women of AdultFriendFinder. You are saints and (most of) you display a tremendous amount of patience. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you put up with some of the men on this site. The rude come-ons, the obnoxious “Let’s fuck!” emails, the misogynistic attitudes, the overall stupidity, and the total narcissists.

Now, let me clarify things by making it perfectly clear that I do not believe that ALL men on this site are idiots. Far from it. I am against broad generalizations (as my post history in the Advice Line will show), and I am not attempting to make broad generalizations against men in this entry. Heaven knows I’ve actually attempted to defend men on this site in the past and show that men can still act like men and be “decent” people. Why? Well let’s see…

PART I: The Sycophants

First of all, men need to stop being such sycophants. I am sick of it. As a man, and as a human being, it disgusts me. I know men want to get laid and I can appreciate that desire as much as the next guy, but is selling out your dignity worth it? I don’t think so. Check the boards. For every “men are pigs” type post, you’re bound to see several men that respond along the lines of “You’re absolutely right. We men just don’t understand you the way you need to be understood. A beautiful lady like you deserves better. I promise I would never treat you bad…” UGH!! Honestly, has that approach ever worked?


“My man won’t go down on me…” is followed by “Oh, baby…. You deserve better. I would never neglect you like that. I would treat you like a princess and give you anything you want…”

Do you actually think that women will respect you more for kissing their asses? Do you honestly feel that if you prove to them how willing you are to say whatever they want to hear that they will hold you in high regard? Do you honestly think that they will desperately reach out to contact you because you falsely flattered them on a message board? Get real!

Such actions are a disgrace, and women can see right through it. Those that behave in such a manner are weakening the gender and giving the rest of us men a bad reputation.

PART II: The Obnoxiously Rude

I understand this is a sex and swingers site. And I understand that people are on this site to have sex. Plain and simple. However, this does not mean that the women on this site are merely hunks of meat do put your dick in. The women to not have “Fuck Me” written across their forehead. They are not glory holes, either. They are living, breathing, human beings. They are people, they are mothers, they are sisters, and they are daughters.

I’ve read a lot and heard a lot about the obnoxious, rude, crass, and often vulgar responses that men send women. Again, my question is “What the fuck are you thinking?” I’d actually like to keep a little journal of all the crude responses and cheesy come-on lines that men have used. Hmm… an interesting thought.

I know that men significantly outnumber women on this site (like a 15:1 ratio or something… and I know the response rate is approximately 2%. That’s roughly two responses (real or fake) for each 100 mails sent.

But guys… honestly, you’ve gotta come up with better material. Seriously. “Hey, Baby! Wanna fuck?” Has that ever worked? Honestly??

And don’t beg. Don’t beg a woman to give you a chance to “eat her ass” (actual quote!), and don’t beg for her to allow you to orally please her all night long.

Do you have that little respect for women? Do you think they’re merely walking receptacles for you do dump you load in/on? Do you think they’re here to service you? That they are play things for your amusement? Guess again!

As I said before, the women on this site are mothers, daughters, and/or sisters. Would you like it if someone talked to your mother the way you talk to women? Would you want some guy begging your sister to let him bang the shit out of her? Would you want some guy telling your daughter how he’d like to “eat her ass” or how he’d like to fuck her until she begs for him to stop? I thought not.

Part III. The Misogynists

The misogynists are pretty easy to pick out, and are very closely related to the obnoxiously rude. The misogynists are basically those who harbor a deep-seeded resentment towards women in general.

These are the ones who essentially believe that the women on this site are here for their amusement. They are the ones who complain that women won’t give them bj’s. They are the ones who complain that their wives/girlfriends won’t let them “put my cock in her ass” (another actual quote!). They are the ones who lash out at women and send harsh and derogatory emails to those who politely turn them down. These are the ones who feel that women are here solely to satisfy them and their carnal desires ‒ as if they have some sort of entitlement. In short, they are the ones who neither respect nor treat women as human beings. They do not respect their wishes, feelings, desires, or needs.

They are the ones who come to this site and feel that the women are here for the sole purpose of serving them. They treat this site like a harem, where they have some sort of entitlement that allows them to walk freely amongst the “concubines” and choose whomever they desire. The “concubine” will then be so thrilled that she was chosen and go out of her way to please their mighty sultan.

NEWSFLASH!!! It doesn’t work that way. No room for misogynists here!

PART IV: The Narcissists

Anyone who features a picture of himself grabbing, stroking, rubbing, or otherwise displaying his “little best friend” fits into this category. The narcissists are so self-absorbed and in love with not only themselves, but their own “equipment”, that they feel the need to constantly show it off and brag about it.

They are the ones who you will see on the advice lines constantly talking about how magnificent their huge, wonderful, penis is. I don’t want to call anyone in particular out, but those who have been participants on the Advice Lines for a while know at least two members (no pun intended!) who fit this bill.

Guys, I’m glad you love your cock and I think it’s great you’re comfortable in your own skin, but please… keep it to yourself. Others really don’t care how much you love your tool. And guess what? The women are not amused. Every woman I’ve corresponded with on this site is pretty much on the same wavelength ‒ they’re sick of all the penis shots. They are especially sick of them in an introductory email.

Is this really an acceptable social greeting? I know this is a sex site, but how is this an really an acceptable form of salutation? If you see a woman in an adult book store, is it appropriate to whip it out right there? Do you expect her to say ‘hello’ to it and shake it instead of your hand?

Get over yourselves!

I’d also like to add that the Narcissists are not only limited to those who like to display pictures of their members, but those who love to talk about it as well ‒ especially those uncircumcised or “uncut” (man, I really loathe that term!) men who make it a point to brag about how wonderful and better suited their equipment is than everyone else -- how that little flap of skin makes them better lovers and makes the sex that much more enjoyable.


Guess what guys? You’re also very narcissistic.
I think it’s a simple thing to request… “Stop talking about your penis!!”

Man, I’m really running out of steam here….

I’d like to wrap up (I’ll bet you’re glad!!) by adding on thing. Please speak and type in complete sentences. Spell properly. Use punctuation. Use paragraph breaks. Communicate clearly.

This request really applies to both men and women. I’m mentioning it here because it makes men look even THAT much worse. If the rudeness, insensitivity, misogyny, narcissism, and sycophancy aren’t enough, do you really need to add poor grammar to the mix?

Guys, the odds are definitely not in our favor on AdultFriendFinder. Some of the real poor attitudes on AdultFriendFinder are really not helping, either. No wonder there are several posts each day stating, “Why are men so…” Guys, when will you realize you’re just adding fuel to the fire?

That’s really all I have to say on the matter… for now.

For those of you who made it through this essay, thanks for reading.

rm_Lisbonslady 42F

9/21/2005 12:01 pm

Well I could not agree with you more. The site could really be much more positive in general and for me a big part of what turns me off is the attitudes by *some* of the men here. Truly a shame.

Thank you for posting. I would say more but I wouldn't want to be considered a sycophant.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
10/26/2005 12:18 pm

You know, you pretty much summed up why I'm rarely found in the advice forum anymore. People are there to ask for advice. Not to be picked up. Not to be talked down to. Not to be insulted. Not to mention, I really got sick of the questions about penis size. Way too many here have never learned social skills. And the last I looked, they were all in the advice forum.

Hippink 36F  
4498 posts
12/4/2005 3:04 pm

Couldn't have said it any better myself. I got tired of repeating myself, so haven't been able to attend to the advice columns lately. I have been thinking about doing what you've started to do here... have blogs referring to the FAQ's, then direct the questioners to the appropriate blog. hahaha

The only thing I have to add... the circumcision thing. (Warning you now, seems we have a disagreement here...). I think that the un-circumsized guys are trying to get acceptance for their being different, not trying to say they are better. It's all about justifying being natural, in a world where penises are being unnecessarily mutilated for completely out-dated, non-factual, absolutely ludicrous reasons. (please see Header1979's article about circumcision). They feel a need to prove that they're not dirty or disease-spreading, and I certainly can't blame them.

It just happens to be the norm in the States. It used to be the norm here in Canada as well. In fact, other than my brothers', the only natural penis I'd ever seen was Square's (until we started swinging together). I had heard all the nonsense about them being unclean, prone to disease, etc... until I spoke to my doctor about circumcising my son, and did a LOT of reasearch on the subject. I was absolutely horrified to find out what I did. It makes me want to cry helplessly to think of all the baby boys for thousands of years, even to TODAY, that have been mutilated in this way WITHOUT anesthesia. And to think it is all due to fear-mongering and trying to control the sexuality of men.

In the advice lines, I noticed two NURSES (from the US) stating that un-cut penises are not clean. I can't believe that such things are taught to professionals who should KNOW better. How hard is it for a guy to stick his penis in the sink and wash it before sex? Square is always perfectly clean when he comes to see me, and I never hesitate to drop to my knees before him when he walks in my door. My cut husband, however,lives with me, so isn't always prepared for sex. Square comes to see me specifically for sex. Hubby, if not "prepared"
can smell pretty rank if he's not clean. So can a vagina if not recently cleaned. I don't get the double-standard.

And, how, pray tell (general question not aimed at you), can the natural way ALL men are born, be WRONG?

Anyway, this has turned into a rant. My apologies.

Anyway.... COCK = GOOD. Circumcised or not.
-Hippie XXX

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