Married People Sex  

87 posts
10/21/2005 7:51 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Married People Sex

What is it about marriage that ruins the sex life? Now quite obviously not everyone experiences these phenomena. But, I have shared quite a few conversations via; email, IM and telephone where people describe what I will refer to as “Married People Sex”. The sex that you have with your partner after you have been together for a few years where you get in the bed, do enough to get your partner hard/slightly wet, plug away for a few minutes and knock off to sleep. YUCK!!! Who doesn’t hate this!

Before I got married one of my younger co-workers suggested that I was in the best possible situation. He beamed “man, you’ve got live-in pussy, don’t have to worry about her getting pregnant.” “What more could you want?” What this co-worker didn’t understand is that the “routine” had already begun; and, that the excitement of sex that is so often experienced when you first meet a new partner was becoming an all too distant memory.

I personally think that there are several factors that when combined equal “Married People Sex”. The first of these I think is familiarity. For Example, I know that if I kiss and nibble on my wife’s lower earlobe that within a very short time she will be hot as the sun and ready to go.

The second good sex killer is compatibility. How many times is the person you marry that ultra sexy, ultra freaky willing to try/do anything person who you can honestly say was the best lover you ever had. Most often, the person you ultimately married has a much different set of attributes: good provider, mother/father of the kids, good planner, etc. If I had married the lover that I describe above, the marriage would have lasted about 5 mins. But, damn would we have had some fun.

Number three I call the “other” group. Other is kids, bills, housework etc. Some of you may at this point be saying to yourselves; “JSNG, I had all of that before I got married. And!?!” Yes, but, after you say I do all that other stuff cums first (pun intended). Dating induces a period of temporary insanity where you put the other person ahead of things sometimes just for the sake of that experience together. But, after you are locked in together, solitary responsibilities become mutual responsibilities.

These are just my thoughts on “Married People Sex”. Please feel free to ring in with your thoughts on the issue.


DesiresMoreOften 61F  
168 posts
10/21/2005 10:26 am

I think married ppl no longer do all those "little extras" that they once did for each other....the calls "just because" the "touching" without sex,"hugs" for no reason. You might not even tell each other "I love you" as much as you once did. Both can be guilty of this and be afraid to said it first because the other might not say it back. Sex should only get better will all those years together instead of becoming "boring". No,kids,bills,etc are no excuse.

SibylBatchAxile 44M
384 posts
10/21/2005 2:51 pm

Yeah, unfotunately it seems as if human nature routinely follows the following maxim: Familiarity often breeds contempt..

While the attributes that you mentioned concerning a good spouse are extremely important in any relationship, too often the thing people miss the most (and this concerns the sex as well), is the excitement and anticipation of new people and fresh experiences.. I think very few people are satisfied with having a boring and uneventful life (not that I am saying that is always bad...)

People in long term relationships often lose passion.. And it's not that passion should be the most important part of a marriage, but it's something that people seem to need (or at least strongly desire.) People want to feel desired...people want to feel the draw and the danger of getting close to someone while not knowing how things are going to turn out..

I think people want that mystery in life back...they want to take a journey down that road again.. And when you have been with someone for years (or decades), that mystery is all but don't have to try to understand your know that tomorrow you will still be together...

So why try anymore? Where's the payoff? Where's the excitement?

It's not that I'm knocking marriage. But I would really like to know how to keep that passion and excitement going, or even growing, throughout the years that you spend with someone.. I am sure that some people out there have just such a relationship (and very lucky people they must be!)

But it's in my opinion that those situations are very rare..

And that is truly unfortunate..


10/21/2005 10:19 pm


I agree sex should get better in a perfect world it would.


10/21/2005 10:21 pm


How could I forget the excitement of passion. That is another truism that rings throughout the many married friends I have and the womwn who I have met on this site. You are so right about everyone wanting to be desired.

_CoffeeNoCream_ 54F

10/22/2005 1:29 pm

I totally agree with you...

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