wtf... my life is not my own....  

Iwakura16Eyes 38F
603 posts
7/3/2006 6:30 am

Last Read:
7/10/2006 11:47 am

wtf... my life is not my own....

I am 26 years old and I am basically grounded.

"You had yer fun... now you have a child... you shouldn't be doing anything that yer not supposed to be doing...."

I do it 24/7.... is it too much to ask that someone watch my daughter while I try to live a little? I cannot talk to my parents--never have been able to. (I never fit in with my whole family... I am always the oddball...) It's not that I dun appreciate them, but yanno...? I want to move on with my life.... I want to be happy for once... when is that going to happen...?

does anyone know how hampered I am...? they want to kick me out---and yanno what's funny? if it were MY idea to get the eff out--they wouldn't allow me to go. wanna know why I dun leave--besides not being able to afford anything---? my mother has threatened to take my daughter away from me....

do you realize I have no one but my daughter (prolly by my own doing).....?

I am getting desperate--I need contact... I need something besides the alienation I feel in my own home--so I wait until my sunshine is down for sleepies--and then, I go out. But apparently, that is too much to ask and that is bullshit.

if I had to move out--I'd have to drop out of school..... Then my daughter would have NOTHING, because her father is a damn idiot.... I am trying... I really am... but sometimes I wish a resolution would fall out of the sky....

I need a release.... I want to be held, but not just by anyone.... and can I go out n see him? no....

.....and now you know too much....

(Orgy) - Stitches

spacecadet561 61M

7/3/2006 9:23 am

It sounds like you need more help than you're likely to get in this place. Finishing your education is a good step. Getting at least financial support from the father of your child would be another good step.

What I've learned of mzhunyhole's life tells me that you should go study her blogs. She's been through hell thirty eight ways to next Sunday but has come out in pretty good shape.


ProtonicMan 49M

7/3/2006 10:40 am

Hugs, girl.

I wish I could offer you more support than that right now. I know that you are doing what you can, and that you are really frustrated. It will get better, but probably in a way that you least expect it to. Let go of the how, and focus on the essence of what you want. Let the universe surprise you.

Hey, it could happen!


chasingfun27 39M
1108 posts
7/4/2006 3:02 am

Too big a situation for me to comment on with one of my trite answers.

Good work staying in school while trying the best for your daughter.

Hope it all works out.

vrec_dawn 41M

7/5/2006 3:58 pm

It sucks. But it's also pretty typical of the life of a single parent. Actually, you're in a better position than most. On the one hand, I actually kind of appreciate your parent's point of view. On the other hand, someone should kick their ____s. Yeah. Helpful, aren't I?

Seriously though, in an ideal world, grandpa and grandma would love to take the little 'un for the day to give you a break whenever you need one and watch her sleep while you go out and unwind, and do it with no strings attached, because that's just what the perfect family does. And bluebirds land on your shoulder to sing, and the sun always shines... Yeah. Life ain't ever that easy.

But, they should help out every once in a while at least. I've even done that for my aunt and uncle when I saw them getting stressed, and I have like no experience whatsoever with kids. Parents, especially with little kids, desperately need unwinding time every now and then. Because stressed parents start to make bad decisions around their kids, and no one wants that. Story goes that my mom literally came near to killing my sister one time after she ran through the halls with poop on her hands. Shit happens. You know? And some days you just don't have the grace to deal with it and you need support from your family before you do something rash. Ideally you should even be getting that support before you need it because sometimes after is too late. And it sounds like you're not getting that support, or if you are, you're getting it with strings attached.

But at the same time, there's also always more than one side to any story, and it's quite possible that they are being fairly good while also trying to do that annoying parent thing of instill responsibility. I don't know. At least you do have a place to stay, even if it's uncomfortable. And you are still able to go to school instead of being forced to work for shit all while barely scraping together enough to put your daughter into daycare so that you can live on ramen noodles in the world's worst appartment in the bad side of town where every day you'd fear for your life if you weren't so beaten down by having to live it.

Yeah, life sucks. Yeah, you have more responsibility than you'd like. But yeah, you went and had a kid. So now you've got to deal with it. And in that respect you're already much better off than many out there. Hell, your kid wasn't taken away from you by the state. So yeah, it sucks, but it also could be much worse.

I know it's hard, but I think after you get through screaming into your pillow you should take a moment to be thankful for how lucky you actually do have it compared to many out there. And then scream some more into the pillow again.

That's my two cents anyway. I'll understand if they're thrown back at me at a dangerous speed.

Iwakura16Eyes 38F

7/10/2006 11:47 am

meh... I thought of all that, too....

I have GREAT responsibility... I am just asking to go out once in awhile, yanno? they dun think I should go out at all.....

I didn't just decide that I was going to have a kid.... she was a very welcome accident with a person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with....

...AND... my parents have no idea I am on this site or what I do in this aspect.... they dun even know about my sexuality--other that I had to have obviously had sex at least ONCE to have my daughter...

either way... I understand... I always look at both sides of it.... believe me... I just needed a vent....

I prolly sound like a spoiled brat to you...

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