I feel terrible...  

Ijustwannablog 42F
12 posts
8/28/2006 10:35 am

Last Read:
8/28/2006 11:45 pm

I feel terrible...

About a month ago I met a wonderful man in person, and decided to give a real man a chance... My heart still being with the man I love, Teodor who lives overseas and who wants me to visit. (hey, we all have physical needs to you know...) Anyway, this man, I will call him Alex, is a wonderful man, and there is little more that I could ask from him. He treats me with kindness and affection, and yet lately as I lie next to him my mind wanders to my love, the man i have never met in person, but yet feel like i know a lifetime about.

Last night was the worst, and as he left this morning I felt terrible. Throughout the entire night I was thinking of my Love. In fact nothing Alex could do seemed right, I was thinking of Teodor's hands on me and his body on mine. Almost repulsed by Alex, and yet he was as affectionate and courteous a lover as he always is! Needless to say that I felt terrible that I had not controlled my emotions better. I did not say anything to Alex, and I am not sure he sensed my internal distress. To tell you the truth I am not sure how too say anything to him. We have only been seeing each other a month, and i know he is growing fonder of me.

Where I always feel honesty is the best policy, I am afraid of hurting Alex, like i said he has been the perfect gentleman and has done nothing wrong, so i know he will be confused. But for my own sanity and for what is right, I do need to end this with him.



rm_dimples565 69F
24436 posts
8/28/2006 12:28 pm

Thats a well point made. Once you actually meet Teodor he may not be the perfect gentleman, may not treat you with the affectionate and courtesy that Alex does. Then what? Why can't Teodor make the first move and come here and see you?

Teodor may only be a fantasy that is blinding you from something that is real and before you.

I hope it all works out for you. Best of luck with who ever you choose.

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woofff 42F

8/28/2006 3:06 pm

, so i know he will be confused. But for my own sanity and for what is right, I do need to end this with him.

So end it. You cannot live with a theory....if you really believe that honesty is the best policy,end it. And if not, stay on.

What is the problem? The reason I think I'm giving you a hard time is because I feel that you are just lookign for the easy way out of Alex's life. But honestly its either Guilt or Regret that you must choose, not lust nor love.

Take care. Woofff

Woofff


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