Frigid wives vs. heated mistresses  

rm_I_NV_Satiety 48F
206 posts
8/3/2006 7:33 am

Last Read:
8/1/2011 11:35 pm

Frigid wives vs. heated mistresses

I was talking last night with a friend of mine about his non-existent sex life. He has a "special day" coming up, and I told him he should be least he'd get some.

He laughed.

His SO won't even have sex with him when EVERY OTHER FRIGID WOMAN IN AMERICA would give it up. I am shocked and appalled.

This, of course, causes him to question his prowess in bed. Because of the insecurity this brings, he has flipped the switch in his head so that sex is no longer important to him. Occasionally, he feels the urge and satisfies it with another woman, but not often.

He said she used to be great in bed and loved to try all kinds of kinky things, but now, if they have sex, she sounds as if she is truly disgusted by it.

Maybe it's me, maybe I am too sexual, but I find this disturbing on so many levels.

1) They've been together less than 5 years
2) He's GREAT in bed and doesn't believe it
3) This obviously causes him emotional shut down
4) I wonder if men in this situation are ever happy...truly happy with a woman who can so easily shut them down
5) Because this is not the only man that I know that is in this situation, I wonder if this is how it usually works in a relationship?
6) All the men I know that are in this situation (and there are more than a few) have stay at home wives.

I could go on and on. I suppose in the big scheme of things, it shouldn't matter to me, but does.

Cozy_Red 51F

8/3/2006 7:50 am

From a former stay-at-home treat ya differently when they have access to ya 24/7, perhaps they are both at fault.

XJackinyourBoxX 43M

8/3/2006 8:57 am

I wouldn't say my wife was frigid. According to her, she wasn't attracted to me anymore. Now that we're separated, she's said on more than one occasion she sees us in the future dating and having sex.
Statements like that from her piss me off and make me laugh at the same time. It's the "a day late and a dollar short" syndrome. She could have had it when we were under the same roof. Now I'm more likely to give it to a complete

horrnyhousewife 54F

8/3/2006 9:07 am

specifically what do you mean when you say men treat you differently when they have access to you 24/7?

boulderlooking 41M/41F

8/3/2006 9:13 am

it's possible there's more than meets the eye. I'm in a similar situation... trying to work through it

rm_live2learn4 52M
5 posts
8/3/2006 9:17 am

It is nice to see someone with some insight into the male mind. It would seem I’m another victim of this situation. For years I was very self critical of myself and questioning everything. I think of myself as semi-intelligent and thought sure I could figure it all out. I’ve tried talking, rationalizing, romacing, I’ve asked her to discuss her extremely low libido with her OB or some other specialist. She really made me feel like a real loser because every attempt I made fix our relationship failed. As a last ditch effort to make life bearable I deceived her in going to see a marriage counselor with me. After only 4 visits she refused to go after the psychologist pointed out some obsessive behaviors. She told me that she was perfect except for the bedroom and that anything wrong with our marriage is my fault. After years of this emotional rollercoaster ride, I learned enough to know that she is a hypochondriac, perfectionist and an obsessive compulsive woman with little or no sex drive. I kept hoping things would get better, but they never did, their getting worse. I truly can not see myself finding any emotional comfort, support, affection or true love from this woman. Time and time again I have opened my heart to her just to see her shatter it again. I could say a lot of sad stuff she has done and said to me, but I’m not in pity. Plus thinking about it makes me feel a little cold and bitter toward her. I refuse to let that sink into my heart and it would only serve to worsen the situation. I guess I would have been long gone if I did not love my kids so much. Hmmm… sacrifice the time I have with my kids or give some or all of it up and start over. And for what, so I could possibly have someone to love me, cherish me, be understanding, show me some affection, desire me. It all seems a bit selfish on my part not to make this sacrifice for my kids. Maybe I could get joint custody; then again the cards seem to be stacked against me. A fear I put off facing yet another day.

rm_penguins15 59M

8/3/2006 9:22 am

Yes, it is easy to get complacent in a relationship but men do need sex. My wife stopped wanting to have sex after our second child was born. She had a real tough pregnancy and said she wasn't going to risk another unless I had a vasectomy. I had one but she always refuses. It has been 5 years now since we made love and I am going crazy. After a while, you think 'well, she will let me know when it is the right time' but it just doesn't happen. She has also become a born-again christian and just thinks of religion now. I just feel stuck as I still like her and my children so don't want to split up.

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F

8/3/2006 9:43 am

I believe that "most" people in longtime relationships and in marriages begin to lost touch in the bedroom because they let other outside factors into their bedroom. Work etc...

People need to remember what brought them together in the first place and not subsitute sex for other things. If couples take each other for granted then the writing is on the wall....and the grass always looks greener on the other side.

SGTturtle 52M

8/3/2006 9:47 am

My wife claims that she's still atracted to me, but she only wants sex once a month, gotta be done in 5min, and when I cum she looks as though she's disconnected... and so I ended up here! LOL

buddhamike 107M
7006 posts
8/3/2006 10:41 am

It's about human nature. Not for everyone, but for most, familiarity breeds contempt. An example.....As a child my father, a construction worker, was fanatic about having steak for dinner. 6 or 7 days a week we would have high quality steak for our evening meal. Now, as an adult, steak has no appeal for me. I don't even remember the last time I had one. Even great sex, when you have it all of the time, becomes very ordinary, even boring. Thus the proverb, "variety is the spice of life." For many "the lfiestyle" is the answer as proven by the number of couples registered here at AdultFriendFinder.

Christinegirl126 55F

8/3/2006 10:44 am

Maybe he needs to find a different partner...After is short..

rm_Eroticgryl 48M/50F

8/3/2006 10:45 am

Just maybe his wife is bored with the way things are too. It happens in life, she might be needing things, so maybe ,just maybe, they try to talk , you know communication is the root of all evil, lol, it might help things

bustybettyboop 51F  
59326 posts
8/3/2006 10:47 am

i would have to say at least 70% of all marriages go through that at some point..unfortunately...but if there is love and understanding sometimes it can work out and be fixed but w/some unfotrunately it doesn't work out. hugz,busty

..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one?

SecretEarNoTears 48F  
767 posts
8/3/2006 10:54 am

I too have often wondered about people like that. I wrote a post to those that are in sexless marriages a while back called "Wake up!!!"!

I guess I could say that I was one of those 'frigid wives'. I never meant to be but, between realizing that I married someone that I did not love, his controlling behavior and the hormones that I was on (even standard birth control pills can cause a decreased libdio) I guess I was. It took me a bit to realize all of this but, once I did I started planning my 'escape'. After a few lampshades, cuts etc. later I went running.

To me it's all about control. People know that sex is a vital human function...research has found that sex is necessary for balance life. I wonder why people stay in such marriages when they are obviously being control in such a convoluted way.

pleasurechasers 46M/41F

8/3/2006 11:00 am

Who knows what is really going on behind closed doors? I used to be her, now my hubby and I have reached an agreement, either I work on being more sexual, or he finds it elsewhere. Not an ultimatum, but something we will work on together. I know he loves me no matter what, and that in part allowed me to shut him down time and time again. I found that doing a little something for him on a regular basis made him happy, and next thing I know I am enjoying pleasing him, and then next thing I know, I am enjoying him pleasing me even more. Now we have sex of some sort at least 8 times a week. I don't always come, but he does amd is happy and so am I, because pleasing the person you love is very gratifying. I also know I don't have to worry about him going elsewhere, where is he gonna get the emotional connection along with all the kink he wants? Nowhere, but at home. He now loves the situation, which makes him happier in the whole scheme of things, as well as I am happier because I know I am doing my part to make our relationship work. When you have a good man, ladies, it is our responsibility to make sure he knows we appreciate it, and men generally understand what we are saying when we screw their brains out. It is truly the best compliment they can receive, and the best way to tell them we love 'em. It's a fact, men need sex, and often equate sex with love. So give 'em as much sex as they need, and unless he's a total moron, he'll give you the emotional love you need. Along the way, it's worth it to give up a little sugar, next thing you know you'll be getting the sugar you need. The more sex you have, the more you start to enjoy it. At least that's the way it's worked for us. P.S. I am a stay at home mom of three, who homeschools. Don't tell me you're too tired. Shut off the TV, and take a nap. Be there for your man when he gets home from a long day at work. He'll appreciate the effort, and your relationship can only benefit. Besides, what's 15 minutes for a blowjob? Not really alot, when you think about it. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary in 2 weeks.

rm_73LION 44M
1 post
8/3/2006 11:17 am

This is something that happens to often. That after a few years living with a woman they tend not to whant sex at all.And when you convice them by pratakly begin,it seems that they dont enjoy it at all.It a way of married life i guess.

hurricanewind99 48F
22 posts
8/3/2006 11:18 am

You only mention his side, what he feels he isn't getting, but what about her side? Tell him that staying at home day after day, week after week, without any emotional and financial compensation is the most thankless unappreciated depressing job in the world. When both partners work and come home exhausted to kids and chores it is completely a different stress than when one stays home and desperately needs extra attention and admiration for everything they do during the day rather than be made to feel as if they are sooo lucky that they just sit around and do nothing.

Does he help with chores or expect her to do it all? Does he make her a bubble bath and then put the kids to bed or expect her to do it every night? Does he put rose petals on her bed and rub her back and tell her that she is the most impt person in his life and could never do what she does or does he just expect that she knows all this?

You didn't say what he has tried to do to be a best friend to her, but if she is no longer physically intimate with him, then maybe he isn't trying very hard to be emotionally intimate with her.

CB_2 52F

8/3/2006 11:36 am

I was married for 15 years to the most fantastic guy (he died last year), but we ended up in a sexless marriage near enough. Effectively, we became like brother and sister. I had the higher sex drive (by far), and I used to relieve it by masturbating. But the weird thing was, I didn't especially want to have sex with my husband - it turns out, we were pretty crap at it, which was probably why I preferred to have sex with my imagination. He didn't seem to mind, but of course I can't ask him now. I hope it wasn't me that put him off sex.

I do think that there is a lot to be said for being in a relationship where you live apart, and where getting together (and therefore sex) is something to look forward to, It's why I 100% don't want a full time partner now.I don't intend to make the same mistake again.

Blogito ergo sum.

rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
8/3/2006 11:51 am

altho i do know that some marriages become sexless, like my own, i am very distrustful of taking any one person's version as the truth in this matter, and do think honesty is the best policy. however, having been on this site for some time, i am not really judgemental about it ... just not gullible about believing one version either.

anyway... hope you can make it to A baby blog party ... would love to see you there...

[blog freelove999]

p33c3y0 43M

8/3/2006 3:57 pm

holy shit. what happened here? guess you struck a nerve. lol.

boulderlooking 41M/41F

8/11/2006 12:26 pm

I_NV_Satiety... thanks... fingers crossed for your friend too

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