Extremes  

rm_I_NV_Satiety 48F
206 posts
7/30/2006 9:24 am

Last Read:
8/1/2011 11:31 pm

Extremes

I had trouble when I was growing up. I was molested often, developed early and grew up much too fast. I think it's because of this early imprint that I go to sexual extremes.

There aren't too many fantasies that I haven't fulfilled yet, and those that are still present are either unachievable or pretty mundane.

I have moments where I need to be physically hurt when I'm having sex so that I can bury my pain and focus on something else...or else I won't be able to achieve orgasm. When this happens, I need real pain...not just a tap on the ass here and there. I need almost true physical abuse...but there are only so many bruises I can explain away.

This is difficult to write about, because it touches a very deep and dark place for me. I don't allow myself to think about this often, and I've only acted on it twice in the past.

Men don't understand when I share this about myself, and I do understand why. Deep down inside, most guys get off on a little hair pulling and ass slapping, but when I share my need for more with someone I trust, the reaction is usually negative. Either I'm a freak (never said I wasn't) or they just absolutely cannot even think about taking it to the extreme that I need. Deep inside, most men are marshmallows, and that's ok.

Wow, that's a little deep for a nice Sunday morning, huh?

My point was going to be the fact that I have satisfied a lot of male fantasies, and yet my list remains in the corner, gathering dust. What's up with that?

Not all my fantasies are hard and raw like this. Like I said, many are mundane and semi boring. There are things that get to me and satisfy a need inside just as well as physical pain. The crazy thing is...it's all very simple. A certain look from someone that I care about...a phone call for no reason....being talked up, not talked down to...feeling needed...these are the things that I think about.

Somehow, my sex life has fallen into the gray area between these two extremes. The last time I was with someone, it was someone I was very passionate about. The problem ended up being that I was creating his passion for me in my head. That worked well until the last time we were together. The sex was great, but I could tell that there was something missing in me...and it will just get worse as time goes on until I finally get tired of creating passion in him and realize there is none. Then I will move on.

I live in the gray, but I thrive in black or white.


pierd 53M
222 posts
8/1/2006 11:11 pm

1. You, and your needs, are not at all unusual, 'abnormal' or 'freaky'. If you like, you can do some web research and you'll find your needs not at all uncommon.

2. As regards (a) "they just absolutely cannot even think about [satisfying my needs]" and (b) "most men are marshmallows": (a) stems from lack of experience and from the fact that (b) is true. If (b) was not the case then the only person who could please you would be a psychopath who would hurt you AND enjoy seeing you hurt - and I don't imagine you'd really want that.

Use (b) to your advantage: once you have a relationship going in which you trust AND care for each other, explain to your partner your needs in terms of pleasure, not pain: you will reach orgasm (ultimate pleasure) if etc. Let him know that he is, in effect pleasing you. I can not (and presume most men, too) imagine a greater turn on and feeling of power then being able to bring a woman to her climax, so if the road to orgasm is through role play and acting rough, then so be it. The important thing is that my partner and I both know this is just acting / role playing - takes place during sex, but not outside of it, and only if and when SHE wishes it to happen. Many women e.g. have fantasies (most are afraid to admit) and some try acting them out during sex, though none wish for it to happen in real life.

Back to (a): like with all new practices, take it slowly, so as not to frighten your partner. Focus on caring: let him know he will be caring for you, but be also sensitive to his need to get used to the idea, which may take some time. Time here is a worthy investment - think about he dividends your total trust and uninhibited sex will bring!


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