Damaged goods  

rm_I_NV_Satiety 48F
206 posts
8/9/2006 8:35 pm

Last Read:
8/1/2011 11:37 pm

Damaged goods

I hung up the phone last night after talking with someone from my past. This person has a way of making me cry even when I think I'm over it.

It got me to thinking about my reactions to various men in my life, and I came to the conclusion that I must look like nothing more than damaged goods to each of them...for one reason or another. This is the basis for my theory that if I just look better, act differently, make more money....I will then somehow redeem myself and pull myself out of the damaged goods bin and back up to the "marketable" shelf. Say what you will, but I believe that this is true for at least two men in my life at this point. They are both shallow and self centered enough to see me as "worthy" as long as I look and/or act another way.

Now, forward to this morning. A very dear friend of mine is leaving my life for reasons I can't share. We have developed a deep emotional bond over the last several months, and I am heartbroken to be losing him. In saying goodbye, I was telling him what a phenomenal person he is, asking him to see himself through my eyes. In that moment, that gut wrenching moment of knowing things will never be the same, I realized.....the reason I care for him so much is because he cares just as deeply for me...and he cares for me just the way I am. I never feel that I have to be something other than what I am to garner his approval. To him, I am pristine....not in the least bit damaged or broken....just as he is to me.

This is the way I need to see myself, and these are the people I need to surround myself with. Just the thought of being strong enough and true enough to myself to do so is exhausting...but at this point, I have no other choice.

JuicyBBW1001 56F

8/9/2006 9:10 pm

(((Huggs))) I know the feeling of feeling like your damaged goods and it sucks to be honest. But the one thing that I always remember is that we can rise again and become stronger and better women because we have already seen the pits of despair. This too shall pass so hang in there.


pierd 52M
222 posts
8/10/2006 10:02 pm

"This is the way I need to see myself, and these are the people I need to surround myself with."

Be careful not to go from one extreme - acting the part of 'undamaged' for other's sake - straight into another - acting the part of 'undmaged' for your own. Sounds like too much work which, in fact, you realized already: "Just the thought of being strong enough and true enough to myself to do so is exhausting." If it's not in your nature, it won't work.

Inner strength comes from being comfortable in one's own skin, which in turn comes from accepting onself totally, "warts an' all" i.e. including one's own weaknesses and imperfections. This should take no 'effort' at all - it is the emotional equivalent of lying down, face up, eyes closed, arms relaxed to either side, palms up, feet apart, breathing slowly (introduction to meditation), while the world outside of you goes about its crazy business.

Instead of trying to be strong, why not just relax?

more on my blog, http://AdultFriendFinder.com/blog/pierd

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