My Heart is Closed for Repairs  

HotTXpussy4U 49F
2177 posts
12/29/2005 11:08 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My Heart is Closed for Repairs

Please excuse the mess - - it's been crazy lately. Somehow it got all messed up when I wasn't lookin.

So I've decided to close it down for the time being. Do an overhaul on it. Clean out the old stuff..make room for some new.

First on the agenda: Get the divorce final. Yes - that might help in the overhaul. But did talk to him today and he said the papers are in the mail...I can only hope it is true - or it might get a bit ugly. But the conversation was amicable - if you call cold and to the point..amicable. LOL Was awkward talking, as we have not spoken since Sunday I was home last time. Oh well, got to "get r done". Court date should be around 2/6.

Second on agenda: Figure out what to do with my "it's a date" guy. After what I would call a pretty crappy week in the heart department...I had dinner with him tonight. I was up in his neck of the woods and invited him out. After getting lost by about 20 miles (long story..but typical for me)..I made it to the restaraunt. He arrived shortly after. I could tell from his hug and quick kiss - things were different. We were seated quickly...and we settled in. I could tell by his manners and small talk (actually saw him twiddling his thumbs). I'm not sure how the conversation came to be about our relationship and expectations - but he brought it up.
He feels that we are not on the same paths. He wants more of a relationship than I want one. In his eyes I put too many things above him on the depth chart. And I agree I have been busy in my week home and off work. I think he has a problem with the way I spend my money - but that's my business, not his. (sorry - had to put in my 2 cents worth there). And on some points - he's not telling me anything I didn't know.
- But (in my defense). I have been on the road since October. Haven't seen my family and friends, with all of my divorce stuff going on. But when I got into town - I spent the next 3 evenings with him. Not even my parents. But I was interested and wanted to see how things could progress - he was worth it, in my eyes. I then had to go out of town for the holidays with my family I hadn't seen since July. As soon as I drove out of town..things seemed to change. The lack of phone calls or text messages. So since my return on Christmas night, I have been seeing some friends, shopping, decorating my house. A phone call here, a text there or maybe an IM. But we could never connect - one was always busy. And I was okay with that...that's life. But he took it as me not being interested. And look who had to make the move??? Me, I called him since I was going to be close to where he lived. I thought dinner would be nice.

In the end....guess we both agreed to go our own paths. It's a shame..but I can only do so much. I am leaving on Monday and that isn't going to change. That's been a HUGE part of why I don't date guys much - i'm never home. And I know that is a hazzard of my profession. But I like what I do and I make good money doing it. And until I am ready to change that part of my life - it is who I am and it takes up a lot of my time.

Third Phase: Get back to work. I've enjoyed my time off from the road. I love my house, my family, my pets (Maxx,Molly and Abby), my friends. I've been able to visit with people I don't get to see much. It's when I'm this comfortable at home - it makes it harder to go back on the road. You get used to your stuff, having a refrigerator and microwave, drinking from a glass (and not some plaster bottle), sleeping on your sheets. The familiarity of being home. But I also think that being away..makes you appreciate it more. That's why I decorate. It's like giving it presents for me being away - HA HA. Well, I have to justify it somehow. And the people who know me and love me - understant this about me..and love me anyway.

It's a nutty life I lead - but I like it. It makes me...ME I have a good heart, good family, people who love me...I'm a very lucky girl.

SO - EXCUSE the's only temporary. Will let you know when it's back open for affairs of the heart.

HotTXpussy4U 49F

12/29/2005 11:55 pm

It's always nicer to walk through life on new carpet....THANKS!!

1 post
12/30/2005 12:03 am

Sometimes, it takes a while. I thought I would be able to date, and I tried, but it didn't work. I guess it's true that you just have to take things one day at a time.

HotTXpussy4U 49F

12/30/2005 10:39 am

Very True - what's the rush?? Life is too short not to be happy.

mygmyg 60M

12/30/2005 11:01 am


gnr8nrg 47M

12/30/2005 12:52 pm

HotTX, you should see the mess on my floor? (da dum da) Oh, different kind of mess. I'd rather be funny than serious at the moment, but do what's best for you. XOXOXO (cyber hugs and kisses) XOXOXO Happy New Year!

Plano69 55M

12/31/2005 10:53 pm

Here's to hoping the New Year is better for all of us!!

HotTXpussy4U 49F

1/1/2006 11:05 am

I'll lick to that Plano69 !!! Did I say lick??? I meant drink! LMAO

funtoplay1973 45M
69 posts
1/2/2006 10:00 pm

Damn. I go away for a few days and your guy turns out to be scum! That sucks. Well, I went on the road (work) to get through a divorce once and I have to say that life in a hotel is a pretty good oportunity to get your head on straight!

With that said, it still SUCKS!!!

In honor of you, no big grin!

HotTXpussy4U 49F

1/10/2006 12:10 am

You think you have a hard time keeping up with me - try being ME! LMAO. It's all good now..i'm over it, him - whatever.

I was only down - not out of the game. SO - GAME ON!!

Become a member to create a blog