Why seek others?  

HotHeadDr 44F
310 posts
9/7/2006 1:57 pm

Last Read:
7/22/2009 3:11 am

Why seek others?

Well I think I have enough people in my network to get a general idea of the majority ruling here - this applies to men and women -
What if any is the main reason why you or you think men/women cheat on their mate?


(also - if there is another answer you guys think I should have and there is a majority vote for it - email me - and i'll revise this poll!)
Seeking excitement
Lacking sex (in your relationship)
Needs variety
Needs more emotionally
Needs more sex (sex at home plus more)
For the Danger of being caught
Just because I can get away with it
Unhappy in your relationship


if I cry give me a reason force me to my knees and use me as you will


rm_increbulous 51M

9/7/2006 3:59 pm

Can you use checkboxes insteada buttons for the poll? It's a complicated thing to consider, and many factors affect it. I think all of the options can come into play, usually together. A thoughtful person will need a lot of reasons to compromise on his/her commitment.


HotHeadDr replies on 9/8/2006 11:07 am:
That would be awesome! But sorry I gotta work with what they gave me!

rm_jm1592000 40M

9/8/2006 9:22 am

There are several reasons men stray.
First is usually there wife/gf tries to hold power by their pussy and the man will get pissed and find another sexual partner.
Second is a lot of times even if you love someone more than anything you are not a sexual fit, this can lead to frustration and in many cases straying.
Third is the biological factor, like it or not male animals are programmed to spread there seed, and no matter what that is a urge every man deals with and sometimes that urge wins.
Fourth would be the reason most marriages fail and that is simply because too many people get married to get married and it doesn't work so one or the other partners strays to find something to fulfill that space that they are missing in their partner.


HotHeadDr replies on 9/8/2006 11:08 am:
Wow- great summary. Yes, I do know about the biological factor! It is sad but true.

yahoomikey 57M

9/9/2006 8:58 am

You create a number of questions here. To me the "lack" of sex comes from many things. Too busy to do this, too busy to do that, job, career, education... hey...what happened to sex!!! Dang what happened?? The act is supposed to be fun, rewarding, and we decide we are too busy for it?? All these other things are important but do we make sex a priority in life or just one of those "things to do when times allows? Or should we say that one partner looses interest for a number of reasons, then.....the avalanch of issues begins... my two cents worth.... that and a dollar might get you something that will work for a minute or two....


rm_signiner 66M

9/9/2006 6:26 pm

before my wife and i married, sex anytime anywhere. she never refused me, until after we were married. two months later she told me that she didnt enjoy sex!!! i did everything i knew,at the time, but nothing worked.. i asked her to get professional help--no go.. so i told her i would get laid elsewhere.. i really didnt want to, but i have always been a horndog.. so i cheated, nothing to be proud of,but i did..we divorced after 10 years.. not everyone cheats for a thrill, greener pastures,or just a fuck.. see ya later sexy..... signiner2002----DON


HotHeadDr replies on 9/9/2006 10:19 pm:
Thanks for the comment sweets- and to be honest with you - I can't be mad at you or fault you for that - and she should of expected you to do that especially if she knew how horny you were before marriage- and you know I hear that so much about sex after marriage - but I so want to get married - and seriously can't wait for the sex every dam day!

rm_Neptunog69 39M
22 posts
9/10/2006 12:51 pm

One choise is bad so i leave here my 2 replys

Seeking excitement
Unhappy in your relationship

Sometimes the relation has some problems and sex is a difficult one because most of the times there are secret fantasis or desires that get in a relation everyone has secret desires or fantasis sometimes very dificult or stranges to get the compreention of the other side or there is no corage to tell and share because this issue can make a end in relation or get a nasty compreention of the other side and that make the one seek for someone that could satisfy that.
Sex involves many diferent practices and sometimes because the education or other issue not everyone get ready to give the righ attention and satisfation to the partner.


pinkstuff69 49M
64 posts
9/10/2006 1:10 pm

Isn't 'lacking sex' and 'need more sex' basically the same thing?
That kind of made my decision a lil more difficult....


HotHeadDr replies on 9/11/2006 12:05 pm:
Well - What I meant by that is -(i should of been more specific) Lacking sex in your marriage - and need more sex is just that - getting it at home but you still need more...

rm_pacman196713 50M
4 posts
9/10/2006 4:34 pm

i would have to echo what some others have said already in my opinion alot of those factors come into play in that situation i dont believe any one factor is usually involved now i believe its wrong to stray unfortunately we live in a imperfect world full of imperfect people so it does happen


PatnKat4u 60M/53F

9/11/2006 12:45 am

My general answer would be because he/she is needing attention. It may be (in a monogomous relationship) the wrong way to express that need but it happens. If you think about it, the best we ever feel (generally) is during sex. It is the feel good solution, just think about make up sex.
So, HHDR, are you looking for someone to cheat with?
***raises hand*** ***slaps hand if thats a bad response*** lol
Pat


Artimus4U 56F

9/12/2006 10:46 am

I personally believe that if you are in an unfulfilling relationship you need to end it or be up front before you seek another. The married and cheating thing is stupid, Its not adult.

I know lots of men who would never tell their wives they want an open relationship on their side because they arent willing to let their wives have an open relatinship on the other side.

GROW UP!

Be up front and own your emotions. Be direct. If you wife cuts you off for sex.. WHY DID SHE DO THAT?

I found it impossible to be intimate with my ex after he lied to me continously over and over again about money, his affairs and all sorts of things. He honestly thought if I couldnt 100% prove something, it didnt happen.

Its a disgusting way to live.

We arent toys... ( your spouses) you dont park us at home to have kids and clean the house while you run off an philander and no we dont just want access to your credit card in balance.

DUH

Decide for yourself if you want an open relationship or a poly relationship or a swinger relationship or a monagamous relationship and THEN TELL YOUR POTENTIAL PARTNERS... OR... choose your mate for life and negotiate with them which of the variants you will have.

Just quit the drama ...

- Artimus

-rtimus
Bard of Norcal


HotHeadDr replies on 9/12/2006 12:23 pm:
always so insightful!!! great great response - and actually some of what you touched on I have planned for future blogs - again thanks - it's great advice from a great lady!

rm_CoosJay5 44M

9/12/2006 9:56 pm

In general, I think men seek the excitement of a new adventure or conquest. The action against the social norm of monogomy is about the excitement of the chase and the conquest. Men can typically have the sex and move on where women tend to seek more emotional support.

(disclaimer)This is a generalization.

WOOHOO


MrMcnichols 44M

9/13/2006 6:38 pm

O.K. First I'd like to say hi HotHeadDr, I think you are sexy as hell, anyway, What alot of people overlook is the fact that despite being "civilized", we are still basically just animals gifted with intelligent thought(sum of us anyway). Men are wired to reproduce over & over. While women only produce 1 egg a month, men produce millions of sperm cells each time we ejaculate. I know alot of women won't want to hear this, but a man is basically as faithful as his choices. Some men don't like sex, but of those that do i'm sure 95% or more would in fact cheat on their spouse if given the chance to do it with out the possibility of getting caught or hurting her feelings. We feel that we have to lie because "most" wives, or girlfriends take it as a personal attack on them if we have sex with someone else. When we(most of us anyway)have sex it's just a physical act, however when most(!) women have sex it is an emotional act as well. I personaly believe that being honest from the jump about your desires spares alot of grief later down the road.


HotHeadDr replies on 9/14/2006 12:35 am:
Well thank you so much for the compliment - and your comments

DiveUrFantasy 51M
1 post
9/13/2006 9:22 pm

I tried to agree with signiner, but, the system gives me an error.

I have a virtually identical story. I have always been a total horndong
and my wife and I started out with a rich, satisfying, and frequent
sex life. Her interest in sex waned over the years and it got harder
and harder to get her turned on. I never really strayed, but, we finally
decided to get a divorce and now I'm here.


Yummy_Pleasure4u 58M

9/14/2006 12:49 pm

simple. she thinks sex on Saturday night is enough for the week.


HotHeadDr replies on 9/14/2006 1:31 pm:
Wow - I just don't understand that...girls how could you not want it more? LOL

cmltc 53M
3 posts
9/14/2006 4:17 pm

Conquest.


needother 57M

9/15/2006 5:09 pm

What I would like to know is: Why are more woman cheating these day then ten years ago? It has double in the last ten years.

I was talking to a woman from Montana this past weekend about having sex with her. So I asked her if her husband knows that she is doing this, and she say NO. That makes the four woman that I was talking to. All four are cheating on they husbands.


HotHeadDr replies on 9/16/2006 5:21 am:
that's answering a question with a question - not an answer ...LOL

sexgoddess1275 42F
66 posts
9/15/2006 9:43 pm

HHHmmmmmmm after reading these responses I feel this natural and over whelming urge to be violent towards my opposite sex.Maybe I should let it win too??? Isn't ot natural???hahahahahahahaha...


rm_tzindatrees 54M
1 post
9/16/2006 8:33 am

I think some of these guys are nuts. To cheat on someone you are in love with for whatever reason JUST IS NOT RIGHT. That bullshit about sreading seeds, whatever. Unhappy in you relatinship, lack of sex, communication in the key. Looking to get caught, Hell we can get caught where ever you want. variety and excitment, we can always come up with something, somewhere or somehow. and because I can get away with it ,is just straight MEAN AND SHOWS NO COMMITMENT, and I would not wat to be with someone who can not show enough responsibility or commitment to work through any issues that develop. Lets face it, everyone has issues, to me that is what makes us all different


HotHeadDr replies on 9/16/2006 6:28 pm:
I have to agree with you here - great post!

1teaspoonfull00 47M

9/16/2006 9:18 am

you didn't have the option: just a perverted loser.


1teaspoonfull00 47M

9/18/2006 7:06 pm

my opinion, this coming from the male perspective, is a lack of self esteem. I have heard all the excuses and even thought of ones myself as I could feel my head turning but it basically boils down to this: if you are truly committed to someone, you would not cheat and if your relationship is that unhappy and unreconcilable- get out.


rm_checotah2005 67M/58F
1 post
9/30/2006 7:13 am

I DO NOTUNDERSTAND WHY WOMEN AFTER NEARLY 20 YRS OF MARRIAGE ALL OF A SUDDEN DECIDE "SEX CAN BE PUT ON A BACK BURNER" SO TO SPEAK.I NOTICED PARTICULARLY THE HOTTIE I MARRIED AT APPROXIMATELY AGE 40STARTED TO LOOSE INTEREST, HER FAVORITE STATEMENT TO START WITH " I AM A GRANDMA NOW" WHAT IS THIS CRAP?? NEXT IT WAS " I AM GOING TO COLLEGE NOW DONT HAVE TIME" I AKED HER TO GO SEE HER DOCTOR AFTER SHE HAD OPPEN HEART SURGERY, AS SHE SAID IT AFFECTED HER SEX DIVE, "HORMONE LEVELS" I ASSUME,NO GO THERE. SO WHAT IS A GUY SUPPOSED TO DO?? ANYBODY LIKE TO OFFER ADVICE, BY THE WAY WE JOINED AdultFriendFinder BECAUSE SHE ORIGINALLY SAID "SHE WAS INTERESTED AND THE VIDEOS TURNED HER ON" NOW IT IS SHES NOT REALLY INTERESTED, MORE INTERESTED IN PLAYING SPADES ON --- GAMES!! ALL COMMENTS WELCOME


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