SERIOUS PUN-ISHMENT for the pun lovers  

HardNhorneee 53M
127 posts
7/29/2005 10:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

SERIOUS PUN-ISHMENT for the pun lovers

SERIOUS PUN-ISHMENT for the pun lovers......

1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

2. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just have to be a little patient."

3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
porpoises that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out. So he had to go out
and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the
road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,
he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions
for immortal porpoises.

4. Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.
It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality; their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico
rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the
expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."

6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite
off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month,
the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken Lief off my census."

8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on
an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of
the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo
looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like
these, who needs enemas?"

10. By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one
other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they
were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns
would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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