What's so difficult?  

Hyge_RI 36M
57 posts
11/6/2005 12:02 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What's so difficult?

So I've had my AdultFriendFinder account for a while. I use it in an on again off again sort of way. There was a time when I practically lived in teh chat rooms here.

And yet, in all this time I've never figured out one thing. How hard is it to write back to someone? I mean, if Person A takes the time to write to you, why is it so difficult to write back, even if just to say you're not interested in talking to them.

I mean, it's not jsut AdultFriendFinder, it's everywhere. But notably on AdultFriendFinder I find the least responses to anyone from anyone. Is it just me, or are people just getting more rude as time passes?

PawPr1nt 52M
133 posts
11/6/2005 12:45 am

Hi, my ex-wife is doing a psychology Degree and so far, her work/projects are centred around e-Relationships.

The availability and ease of communication has replaced the investment and connection that was once part of our socialising with each other. Friendship und social connection, via electronic media such as chat-rooms, has effectively made us (correspondants) 'disposable' social toys.


sleeplessknight1 69M

11/6/2005 1:02 am

HYGE, I agree with you. It doesnt take much effort to reply.
Lately I have posted a few things on my blog, but mainly
just roamed around to see what others had written.
I try to leave a commenr behind.. a sort of reply.
Is easy to get hooked to Chat... not sure if it adds to
peoples communicating skills....

°°°Hope you will visit my blog sleeplessknight1 and
leave a comment°°°

greatnsexy69 48M

11/6/2005 1:53 am

What you may not realize is that the women on this site generally get alot more emails than the guys do. If you are a women and have a fairly busy life and have a free account, You can only answer about 10 emails. So if your serious and you have 40 responses you have to be choosy. Also keep in mind that so many profiles arent as real as you would like to believe. I have emailed many women just looking to get me to pay for an alternative site if you know what I mean. if you see a profile like this report em! Keep at it though, don't give up. Pawpr1nt: I totally agree, it's a damn shame though.

Loosetooth 42M
1147 posts
11/6/2005 4:23 am

Look I take your point I really do, but do you not think that you are getting a little indignant? It is not your right to expect a reply. Some of these women get hundreds of E-mails a week. Replying to each one would be a full time job.

Now it is hard to reply to someone and say 'Hi got your mail, thanks, sorry not interested' (shortened that for sakes of comment). What is the point of initiating a contact in order to tell someone you do not want contact. Not replying is actually the politess form of rejection.

Also a lot of these men (not the two respondents here) take the idea of this site very literally. They assume that as it is a sex site all they need to do is post a picture of their dick, write nothing on their profile and mail girls with things like 'hey babe, wanna fuck?'. When they get a negative reply (or no reply) they get abusive. The mail back saying the women are prick teases, sluts, fake, bitches etc. This is rude (not not replying) and discourages replying and making contact. I know of loads of women who have turned off their profiles cuae the levels of abuse have been so great.

Now Pawprint I also take your point (or your ex's point) and there may be something in that. However is this how you approach AdultFriendFinder? You see people, in general are not different to you. Do you see people as disposable toys? I do not think you do. I think that you, like everyone else here, is looking for something (might be intimate, might be sexual, might be deep, might be shallow) but you find it hard to look for it in your physical life, things, fears and emotions get in the way, so you have partially transferred your search to the net. No the internet will change human behaviour slightly, but not all that much. Humans have been humans in essence for thousands of years (there really is no difference between you and a ancient Greek, except you probably are not a pederast, but behaviourially and physically, the same). We believe that new technology fundamentally changes us (because we need to believe that we are evolving) but that is just not the case. New technology does not engender new human characteristics or chance our fundamental characteristics, we remain human but with a new toy.

If no-one replies to us we automatically 'ask what is wrong with people'. 'Why am I the only decent person here?'. Well that whiffs a little of a persecution complex. I do no think that this site ever advertised itself as a site where social behaviour was relaxed and made easier. Making contact with someone here is just as hard as doing it in the real world. The reason that no-one has replied is because you have not given them a good enough reason to want to contact you. Think about this, if you meet someone and like them, you would bat a whole bar-room of men out of the way to talk to her. I can only say that if you want the situation to change then you need to look to yourself not other people and you need to persevere.

PawPr1nt 52M
133 posts
11/6/2005 2:15 pm

Good responses Loosetooth.

I don't think we are any worse off really, by using the internet, but we are simply exposed to as many knock-backs and potential freaks as if we were at an average over-30's disco each time we login.

We are just more open to interacting by this medium, but the raw materials are the same; humans. Unfortunately, much human interaction is non-verbal and that is precisely what is missing here. Ergo we are going to have more false-starts and blind-alleys.

I always respond to any communications. The nature of this site and my relevance to it are such that I don't get any mails though.

But I enjoy the blog-dialogues, which would be a bit like chatting to the people at the next table at the aforementioned over-30's disco

Hyge_RI 36M
139 posts
11/6/2005 10:21 pm

Thank you all, and wow.

Last ngiht I was just in a particularly bad mood. But I so see (and have for a while) both sides of the argument. Personally, I think a erply would be polite, but I do understand the limitations of standard members and the flood of e-mail they get. Especially if they have a nice picture or interesting profile.

Oh well.

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