161 posts
3/12/2006 7:29 am

Last Read:
4/21/2006 2:09 pm


About confidence. The key to success is confidence, and the key to confidence is knowledge. It means knowing who you are, knowing your strengths and knowing your weaknesses. It is not a magical quality that some possess and others lack. it is an attainable state of mind that enables you to interact successfully with others, to achieve your goals and to move comfortably within a variety of social settings.

Confidence is not to be confused with arrogance. whereas confidence is an inner sense of strength and calm, arrogance is an external display of bravado that is usually transparent. to be truly confident is to be truly comfortable with who you are. That's why the ugly rock star can become a sex symbol onstage. he's where he wants to be, he trusts that he belongs there and he is comfortable in his skin, despite any imperfections. That's sexy.

Confidence is also a matter of will power and perseverance. You can't crawl into a hole and curl up into a ball every time things don't go your way. Confidence is earned by getting back on the horse and trying again, and not by personalizing every perceived rejection or defeat. If you don't get the job you applied for, it doesn't necessarily mean you weren't good enough. maybe they hired the boss's daughter. Dont assume that because you got dumped you didn't measure up somehow. Other person may have issues you don't know about, or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Just think it over, feel what you need to feel, then move onto the next thing. It's not always about you.

Written by - - Me

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
3/12/2006 8:48 am

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, very fine sometimes

Purry {=}


rm_observer106 68M
6 posts
3/12/2006 4:43 pm


When I'm not pokin' fun at you, I'm amazed at what a sharp young lady you are! I love cuttin' up with you, but I love reading your serious stuff, too!


rm_Thickdick762 43M

3/13/2006 12:38 pm

I agree, and IMO the key to confidence is justified self-respect. This is not having a "high level of self-esteem" because coke snorters feel like super people but rather self-respect based on good morals and good behavior and honesty and integrity and treating people right.

Few young people have much confidence simply because they are young and have not had much experience. Not their fault! All of us were young and ignorant and confused at one time. As we mature, either we get better and kinder and wiser, or we go the other way and become worse and meaner and more confused and distressed.

Thus, I think the ideal sex combinations are younger men with older confident women and younger women with older confident men. To me it is self-evident that wisdom can only be passed from more experienced to less experienced people. How could it be otherwise?

Everyman1111 42M
2992 posts
3/13/2006 5:01 pm

Hello Sarah

I do agree that self-knowledge is a major component of self-confidence. Or as the Delphi oracle decreed, "know thyself". Flowing on from that, is the need to ACCEPT oneself, because if we cannot accept what we are and where we are now, it becomes difficult to learn and grow.
Reminds me of a paragraph from Dan Millman's book "Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior":
"The first step to change is accepting where you are right now. COMPLETELY accept your process. Negative judgements about yourself only hold the patterns in place... Accepting yourself gives the subconscious child in you the space it needs to grow."

Oh yes, many a rock star or billionaire can project A LOT of confidence. And in cases like, say, Mick Jagger or Rupert Murdoch, it wouldn't just be confidence but also a sense of power fuelled by fame, status and money... which are part of the 'sex appeal' for many celebrities, and which in themselves aren't 'bad' things, just a matter of how they're used.

The last two sentences of your last paragraph are relevant to a technique I learnt some years ago for dealing with negative feelings. In a nutshell, it involves welcoming them and then letting them go. Actually, this applies to both negative AND positive feelings.

Also agree with what Thickdick said about maturing. If we aren't growing and attaining wisdom, chances are we going the other direction.

Quite a perceptive piece you've written there, Sarah. Thanks for posting it.

xoxo E.

rm_bri28ma 40M
357 posts
3/16/2006 5:17 am

I couldn't agree more! I used to be SO shy...I'd practically melt into the wall! Now that I'm more confident, people stop and take notice...and I LIKE it. I've been called arrogant before many times, but I think it's because I'm just very aware of my own ability and strengths. Either way...I'm LOVING the new me! -Bri

Justiz06 35M
1 post
3/17/2006 5:17 am


reallifemaster1 70M
1 post
3/20/2006 1:18 pm

Confidence is the inner knowledge of self. It is not the key to success. Success is measured by multiple standards, the majority of which has no relationship to confidence.

Knowledge is key to a perspective of life, again having no relationship to confidence. Knowledge is far more a factor in competency. One may be a conscious competent or unconscious competent. You may be good--and know why---or good and not know why. The conscious competent will remain why the unconscious competent will fade away.

Your concepts are fascinating but far to complex to discuss in this space and in this manner-

Would love to pursue our discussion.


Coolcleverboy 47M

3/26/2006 10:40 am

Very wise words indeed. Sometimes we all learn by making mistakes - you have to have the confidence and understanding to realise its' ok and not let yourself feel down, knocked back or rejected. The only person responsible for how you feel is yourself.

BorerWaxerTests 59M

3/26/2006 1:53 pm

What can i SAY !!!! DITTO....

rm_3isbetathan2 40M

3/27/2006 10:51 am

Tell you what girl, how old are you, 20. Very well written piece this and very true. I used to be that confident type you discribed before a near fatal car accident and extreme head injuries.

Don't worry I am all there but a change in personality and fight for full fitness again was hard. Not too far off full personality recoverance 8 years on but still not as confident with people socially.

AvastBulbsGlean 69M
10 posts
3/28/2006 4:36 pm

Your one of the people whose posts on O for Y I always enjoy reading. I just looked at your blog for the first time and am impressed by the stuff in your blog and by you for the ones you wrote and the ones written by others that you chose to share. You are a remarkable woman with maturity and insight that many will never have no matter how long they live. You remind us that while sex may be the common thread that brought many of us to this site and group, its not really what it is all about. (well maybe sometimes it is) I wish you extreme happiness and success.
Note: it was also nice to see more of you in the glimpses that accompany some of your entries.

rm_justinharass 37

3/28/2006 11:23 pm

Your words are intriguing, they make me wonder about myself, am i confident? likely a fascade. Is there such a thing as true confidence? and if there is, where does it come from?

rm_Thickdick762 43M

3/30/2006 7:13 am

    Quoting rm_justinharass:
    Your words are intriguing, they make me wonder about myself, am i confident? likely a fascade. Is there such a thing as true confidence? and if there is, where does it come from?
Where does confidence come from?

I think it comes from achievements, and recognition of these achievements by others whose opinions you respect. Confidence also comes from being loved and respected by good people. Confidence comes from both having skills and knowing your own limitations.

One of the greatest sources of my own confidence comes from my ability to sail small boats in strong winds--and also from the knowledge that I can teach my skill to others. Without the respect from significant others (parents, siblings, teachers, children, students, friends, co-workers) it is impossible to build confidence.

rm_spokeestud 40M

3/30/2006 2:15 pm

You really need to stop saying all of that hogwash! If I ever were to meet you; I would just end up sitting in admiration of you and would be oblivious to the realities around me!! Very interesting you are! I suppose I'm just like everyone else here, your words are just making me horny! Write to me if you get a chance. 'my handle' at the hot kind of mail!!

constructionm62 55M

3/31/2006 4:40 pm

Hey watch out for this one guys....
A blond with a brain, boobs and a sexy ass.
Evolution had to perfect one sometime.
Now watch some geezer with a million dollars and viagara snatch her up.
Why do I only get to fuck these types in my dreams.

blkhawk61 57M
2 posts
4/1/2006 2:18 pm

Self confidence, young woman you it but there is so much more. Confidence is projected like your self energy, for others to acknowledge and absorb. You are definitely a rarity.

TripleHARD3 58M

4/2/2006 12:40 am

i especially liked "It's not always about you"

NEsailor 70M

4/2/2006 9:24 am

You are wise beyond your years, Sarah my friend. I guess that's part of the reason an old fart like me & a sweet young thing like you are friends

hanz0002 33M

4/2/2006 12:34 pm

hi na du !

Klozer11 56M
1 post
4/3/2006 8:54 am

The reason why an older man and younger woman is a perfect match!
Confidence, like experience is only earned. In this society, it takes most men years to develop enough confidence to feel they deserve a young & beautiful woman. For you to have the understanding you have at your young & tender age puts you miles ahead of the pack! Only a woman that can express herself like you have deserves a man like me!
This woman is why I work so hard to be successful in all aspects of life. You will have it all, and you deserve it!
I will meet you someday!

rm_joeboy1953 64M

4/7/2006 1:53 pm

it,s what you put into life, not what you take out. the more you give the more you get back, how can you take if you dont give?

sameh213 42M
1 post
4/10/2006 1:38 pm


rm_tecolote001 32M
1 post
4/10/2006 3:49 pm


kola300 37M
1 post
4/10/2006 4:52 pm

I just love your picture the first time i saw it then my spirit told me go for him. So i am just trying to get the one my heart desires.

rm_fishman6968 56M

4/12/2006 10:32 am

You remind me of another intelligent young lady I lived with for three and a half years. As much as I loved her I knew there were problems we would never work out. She want a kid between us and I have five already and had been fixed(HA HA impossible to fix men). I knew I could never give her what she wanted most, so I moved 1200 miles away(but paid for her masters degree anyway to ensure she would never have to depend on anyone but herself) and she now is married and has a two year old son and loving husband. We are still friends today.

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