The Karma of Letting Go to Freely  

Gypsy329 48F
124 posts
3/23/2006 1:30 am

Last Read:
4/10/2006 7:35 pm

The Karma of Letting Go to Freely

When it comes to relationships -platonic and sexual- I have an unnatural tendency to remain so far detached that I am often misperceived as cold and uncaring. I tend to keep people at a very safe distance and normally avoid any type of emotional attachment. This type of defense mechanism has served me well for the majority of my life. When it is time to move on, it is my way to just let it go and move on.

Unfortunately, I have had several instances where the other party was a lot less inclined to sever our ties. In these cases, I sternly state my position and make it very clear that what we had -friendship or more- is now over and holding onto something that is not there could only make things uncomfortable and difficult.

Simple enough...right? Until recently, I had believed letting go was just that cut and dry.

Several months ago, I met a man with the intention of just hanging out and possibly fucking his brains out who managed to sweep me off my feet without trying (or even wanting to). We had great chemistry, easy flowing stimulating conversation and INCREDIBLE sex (and I am NOT easily impressed). I was really beginning to get used to having him around. That's right, I got attached despite telling myself not to. Silly me! When he was offered-and accepted- a job in another state I was overtaken by a feeling I can only describe as panic. I became obsessed with the possibilities and "what ifs". I was not ready for our thing to end...NOT YET. He did not feel the same. Nevertheless, I knew that he would soon be in another state and what we "had" would change. We acknowledged that we would remain friends and nothing more but, somehow in my crazed mind I held on to the possibilities. Maybe if I can just keep our friendship close then there could still be a chance... Well, long story short-he left, time passed, I accepted him as gone but still could not let go. In my mind and my soul I knew that I was hoping for the impossible but my heart, lacking pride, seemed to be getting the best of me.

I've never truly loved anyone "romantically". I mean NO ONE! I've been in and out of relationships, married and divorced but I've only experienced what I call a strong liking and intense lust...both of which eventually just died and I moved on. For the first time, I've felt the emotions that I'm now sure I've caused many others in my life. One thing I am now certain of is that I will be more careful with the feelings of others.

Finally, I have reached a point where I am truly ready to let go but my ability to do so came only with time...a time of it's own. No wise words from friends, family or the guy at hand made the slightest bit of difference. I have learned that just because one person is ready to wash their hands of a situation you can't force another to be ready when you are. I have also learned that while holding on is not always bad. Sometimes a person needs to hold on just a little longer just to appreciate the situation for what it is before letting go and walking away.

Why do we long so greatly for lovers who are unattainable?

ella1966 52F
1528 posts
3/23/2006 2:35 am

Gypsy, do you have some kind of electronic link to my mind, hon? This is the brilliant question I have been asking myself for many months and I am waiting for my time to be "free" as well, but it never seems to come!

ella X

blogginOnly 59F

3/23/2006 3:04 am

Gypsy, I understand your situation. I am a lady who loves deeply, am very caring, and naive!! I had a terrible heartbreak, and I received a letter from him yesterday, I am one who reads between the lines. It has been a year now and after reading his letter, I know it is time to let go. He does not have the feelings I have. I will write about it later in a blog. For now though, I want you to know you are not alone hon. Take care.

rm_TPT05 42M
31 posts
3/23/2006 10:59 am

The thing about emotions is that they come and go...
the thing with rule is that they are steadfast and unmoving...

so when the come and go meets the steadfast and unmoving, somethings going to lose...and sometimes, we lose more than our piece of mind, we lose our way, our people and ourselves...

don't allow distance to kill that love..keep it, cause some told me, if you love something and it comes back, then it was meant to be..

hit me up though...would love to hear from you...

Ridicule is the Burden of Genius;
Death is the Price of Life;
Enjoy Both;
TPT09 2 ~
AKA BigBanger1

ella1966 52F
1528 posts
3/23/2006 1:36 pm

Gypsy and blogginOnly, the way I see it hon, is that God has blessed these men with their new and true loves, which are not us, and rather than feel angry or hurt, just say "God please continue to bless them" because in some way, it was their turn to be happy and not ours. God works in mysterious ways. Be happy for them that they are happy being loved by someone.

ella X

Gypsy329 48F

3/27/2006 8:44 am

Wow! 94 Views and only 4 comments... Ouch!

So I guees they're the only one's in blogland who can relate.

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