Still looking...not finding.  

Greathands54 64M
15 posts
4/11/2006 11:03 am
Still looking...not finding.

Freeing your soul is always easier with a like-minded partner.

I think complicity is so important - a partner who doesn't judge, appreciates your strengths for what they are, and steps in to provide his or her own strengths when you falter, or question.... that takes a true partnership.

I'm full of questions about life, and far be it for me to judge others... I'm not the holder of all the truth in the world!

It's not an easy thing to just let go of your erotic desires and live them. We have a fear inside that our partner will find our desires weird, or strange, or something that somehow detracts from our appeal...

It's hard enough to connect with someone in person, let alone off a printed page, and on the internet, it's too easy to just walk away, or not respond....

But how do you break through the clutter of all those other people, and the anonymity?

I decided to be open, and let the reader decide...and hopefully, one day, someone within reach will actually read all this stuff, and find in my musings a spark - something that sets their own desires aflame.

I suppose my previous lover is still uppermost in my thoughts when I write erotic letters to people who pique my interest. She continually questioned my motives, and forced me to confront my fears...

She was vastly more experienced in the lifestyle than I - she'd started at 13, and I met her when she was 38....and had led a very alternative life - it fascinated me, and in some ways would be worthy of an amazing documentary - but she was way too "out there" for me to consider a long-term relationship.

Still, I was lucky to have met her - she opened many doors in my personality that I had kept closed...or had yet to discover.

We've been apart now for quite awhile - it feels like an eternity since I was last swept up in that all-enveloping emotion of total abandonment. I must admit, I miss it terribly.

I've come close on occasion, to finding a new muse, but they were looking for someone more "dominating" than I, and most certainly someone "not" attached. This isn't a lifestyle for me - yet - but an exploration of my sexuality, one hopefully without emotional baggage attached.

I had dinner with a couple in Ottawa who were simply amazing (I've written about them here) but I haven't done couple yet, as much as I'd like to. Easing in would be better I think than being thrust into a role of masterly demonstrator. I'll re-visit them after I've worked on my "masterly" techniques awhile with someone I trust.

That's it in the end.

This quest is to find a trustworthy companion with whom to explore. No more and no less. Surely they exist somewhere close by.

The tough part is convincing someone to take that first step - and not come off like some serial-screwer-of-anything-in-a-skirt. That's not my style, nor my wish.

But don't you find that hard to convey? In the great internet mish-mash of meshing your likes and dislikes with somebody else's, time goes by...and on the internet, time is fleeting, to be sure. Just one more tiny line in a forest of messages pouring into somebody's inbox.

Ah well - the quest continues...

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