Adding A Third:From Her Eyes  

Gideon797 58M   
8 posts
8/14/2006 3:37 am

Last Read:
8/14/2006 5:18 am

Adding A Third:From Her Eyes

Adding A Third: From Her Eyes

So you have decided to add a third or a couple into your sexual life. Wonderful and congratulations for coming to that conclusion. Now that the easy part is over let us get to the hard pieces. What, oh you thought that the decision was the easy part. Sadly it is not. There is a lot more to a poly relationship then many that initially agree to it even realize.

Many times from the man's point of view that was the hard part, actually getting us to agree to the extra people. But this article is about what women go through and what we need to be prepared for. There is so much more that actually goes into the planning, participation, and the care and well being of all parties after the fact. Most times very crucial parts are overlooked in the initial planning phases.

Some questions that maybe hard but need definite answers:

- Why are you agreeing to the outside people?

Are you doing it because he asked you to? Are you doing it because he has threatened to leave you if you don't allow it? Are you fulfilling a fantasy of his? Are you fulfilling a fantasy of yours?

There are numerous reasons that may answer that first question. What you need to do is find out the real root of yours. We as women are sometimes programmed to always be pleasing to our man. This becomes even more interesting when it is a Dominant/submissive or a Master/slave relationship. If this is something that you are completely doing for the other person and you have serious reservations about it you need to talk with your partner. Honesty is one of the major keys in any relationship. If bringing other people into the relationship is premised on a lie many people will be hurt.

- Are there things that are off limits by either partner?

If another man is being brought in:

Is he allowed to have vaginal intercourse with the female? Protected or unprotected? Is he allowed to have anal intercourse with the female? Protected or unprotected? Oral use? Is he allowed physical contact with the male? Fellatio? Anal penetration?

If another woman is being brought in:

Is the man in the group allowed to have vaginal, oral and or anal sex with her? Is protection always used by him and her, or is another method used? Are the women supposed to be intimate with each other? Are both women bi-sexual or bi-curious?

Is private time allowed between the introduced party and the established couple?

The exact 'what' is allowed sexually is a big thing to talk about and hash out simply because if in the heat of the moment something occurs and it goes against something that one of the people involved is willing to do them trust has now been broken in the 'relationship' and the fall out can be disastrous. Talk this over thoroughly with your partner. Do not simply think that he will know what you want and what you don't want him doing with another woman with you laying right there or when they are spending private time together. Private time together for the extra person and one of the couple can be the cause of even more problems. It needs to be fully established right up front whether or not the extra person or persons will be with both members of the couple or they are allowed to meet privately for some one on one but still respecting the other restrictions placed on the 'relationship'.

- Medical history

Has everyone been tested and come back clean for STDs and HIV/AIDS in the last six months? If not do they need to be tested? Are you willing to pay to have your new 'friends' tested? Are the women involved on some form of birth control? Do they take it regularly or is it something administered by a doctor? Is anyone allergic to any foods or medications?

In this day and age it is better to be safe then sorry. When having multiple partners it is not only smart but the adult and mature thing to do, getting yourself tested. The test is not just testing anything that you have ever done but anything that anyone that you have ever been with has ever done. No one wants a nasty surprise finding out that they have contracted some STD or even worse HIV/AIDS because someone didn't get tested.

Another big one is are the women involved on some form of birth control. Assuming that this is strictly a sexual relationship, an unwanted or unplanned for pregnancy can cause problems that none of the parties involved need or want to deal with. Better to be safe then sorry, protection for the women and the men involved.

- How many other people are going to be involved?

Are you only looking for a third, albeit male or female? Are you looking to swing with multiple partners? Are you looking to be exclusive with a couple or with a small group of couples?

The dynamics of what you are looking for as the extra can be a big determining factor in just who you invite in. Questions that may arise can be anything from "If a woman by herself is invited in will she make a play to try and keep the man to herself?" or "They have a solid marriage, would it be better to be with a couple then a single person?"

One of the largest pieces here is couple or single. Bringing a single in has in many ways more questions marks and for women many times more jealousy and lack of ease with the 'other woman'. If this is something that both parties want to do on a continual basis then maybe another stable couple is the best route to go.

This is completely something that you and your partner must decide on. Who to let in, how many to let in and on what kind of regularity are those others allowed into your sexual activities.

Also, is the relationship going to be strictly sexual? Is this person or persons going to be involved in your day to day life? Meaning can you being having a wild sexual interlude one night and then go to the amusement park with them the next day.

- Children

Are their any children are either side involved? Is this going to be straight sex and no 'day to day' encounters? Do you want to have the child of the other man involved? Do you want your man to impregnate the other woman involved?

Children bring an entirely new dimension to the arrangement. Be even more careful when you are trying to fulfill your sexual or emotional needs when there are children anywhere involved. They are not tiny adults, they are children and must be taken care of and protected from things that they are simply not old enough to understand yet.

As you can see just for this short writing that there are many facets and factors to think about and explore before jumping feet first into bringing more people into your bedroom. This is by no means all of what you truly need to think about when planning this type of activity but it is a good start.

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