Maybe this is why no one seems to be successful here...  

FrustratedBBW03 49F
80 posts
3/8/2005 4:48 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Maybe this is why no one seems to be successful here...

I heard something this morning on my radio show that I also read somewhere recently. Dr. Phil says (and I can't stand him, but this is actually a good one): "Men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears."

How true is this? I really think that's why I read about so many men who aren't finding success on this website. Men are visual creatures, I've heard it said more times than I can count on both hands. It's why my profile picture is what it is - I get a lot of hits that way. But that's not how I judge men (though, I am one of the few who don't mind a penis shot on a profile LO.

Women tend to want to know the person, not just go meet them and hop into bed. They like intelligence, they like men who can hold a conversation with them - verbal foreplay, if you will - instead of saying "Ok, let's meet at the hotel room and we'll screw like bunnies." We like conversation. We like to laugh. We like to feel, if not loved, then cherished (maybe that's not even the correct word to use here). We can't separate the emotions from sex, whereas men can. It's possible for a man to have sex just for sex, not for any connection (thus the popularity of prostitution, I would think - you don't hear of many women seeking out male prostitutes).

The definition of "no strings attached" and also "friends with benefits" seems to be different among the sexes.

For me, no strings attached means you come over to the house, or we meet at a hotel or a bar/restaurant/whatever, we engage in small talk, a little kissing, then progress where that takes us (and it's pretty much guaranteed where that takes us, LO. We spend the night, or a few hours, whatever, and then we kiss goodbye and part - no promises of phone calls, emails, whatever. This process could repeat itself over and over - but you don't meet my friends... I don't meet your friends. We get together for small talk and sex, and go back to our normal lives.

Friends with benefits, as defined by yours truly, means that you will probably meet my friends, I might meet yours, we go out to the movies, call each other regularly, email just because, go to dinner now & then... and sleep with each other to fulfill a mutual need. We're FRIENDS, who happen to spend some quality time naked together. But there's no pressure for it to become dating, we split the cost of things, I get to maintain my space and you get to maintain yours.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. To any of the rules. There is at least one person with whom I am becoming friends via email, while he waits until the end of the school year to move out of his house and divorce his wife. I know... you are all thinking that it's a line... but he's not interested in sleeping with anyone until that is finalized. I'm perfectly happy being friends with someone married - discussing our ups and downs, good days and bad days. But my point is that he approached me with a "I want someone to get to know me before it goes any further.". An exception to the normal kinds of emails I get.

Any thoughts? Do you have a definition that differs from mine, and why?

SigEp4U 44M

3/8/2005 9:51 pm

I agree with you about... most men having a different idea about what FWB means to them and what it means to a woman...

I think to often people over look the first word, "friend"... a lot of men that I have met think that friend means accuaintance(sp)... sorry it's late and I am typing fast...

Anyway have a good night...


Apolybear 55M

3/8/2005 9:58 pm

Well, men fall in lust with their eyes. It's the way most men are wired. Men desire sex as much as women desire relationships and children. There's no way a man is going to fall in love until he's had sex with a woman often and he's had time to get to know her. Men are often reluctant to commit to a monogamous relationship because it means they can't have sex with other people any more. For men, that's asking a lot.

You're absolutely correct about men being able to separate love and sex. Most men would love to have sexual relationships with their female friends.

Also, That's pretty much how I define no strings attached and friends with benefits.

I find that many women confuse a friend with benefits with traditional dating. Or, they say they want an intimate friendship, but what they really want is a relationship.

Given the instinctual differences between men and woman, it's amazing that anyone hooks up or falls in

There's nothing wrong with being friends with a married man. I'd make sure he moves out and files for divorce before you open your heart to him.

Take care.

xmplifyx 42M

3/9/2005 3:16 pm

Hi FrustratedBBW03!
Isn't this ironic?! A research found out that men have to use at least one million words till getting intimate with a female. This means men have to talk approximately two hours a day with a women for more then five month.
Obviously, the reverse is not true. Basically, this is reflected in DARWINs theory of sexual selection!
(ps: thx for your wink! broadcasting news )

Become a member to create a blog