To say or not to say....  

Fox4aKnight1 44F
1176 posts
1/27/2006 4:53 pm

Last Read:
8/6/2006 11:17 am

To say or not to say....


Music while wrting this post:
Here without You-3 doors down

This Post is something of a oddity perhaps. I wonder sometimes, when I see these great posts that some guys and gals write wether or not to say anything other than simply how much I enjoyed reading it.
Mostly I think this comes from the fact that some posts from the guys and even the gals turn me on. But I want to be less um prissy? not sure if that is even the word I am looking for. I want to be able to talk about how I want things sexually speaking without someone automatically interpreting that to mean that if he emails me and offers that I will automatically jump at the chance to act out my fantasy with him. I have gotten over the last few yrs the impression that there seems to be no happy medium in how women are viewed when it comes to their sexuality. I am quite uncertian and unknowlageable in the firsthand knowledge of some things. Good lord I have guys and men asking for me to teach them But I ask this how am I suppose to teach someone what even I don't know. I do know that what is listed as my dislikes are there. Do I enjoy other things, yes. But however due to the fact that I am very picky it lessens the available pool of knowledge.

I often say that I like older men. This is true. They often can help me learn what exactly turns me on. They also tend to understand that I need patince and care as well that a major element of my being turned on and experimenting is trust. I have taken a while to even enjoy sex and I don't need nor want someone putting me off of it. That is so terribly easy to do at this point. I have come close to throwing in the towel a few times due to the fact that if a guy pushes me after I have said NO for whatever reason I will w/in limits do certian things. (I can be guilt tripped into use) Its almost scarey that I am going to post this. I can already see more walls and so on going up due to the fact that I figure that some guy will see this and try to take advantage of it.

I was talking with a man that I love. I have never met him in person. I have spoken to him on the phone numerous times and so on. He knows I love him and likely always will. But he does not feel the same way. I spoke with for hours last night discussing all these things that you are now reading. I have spoken with him for about 2yrs . He is aso one of my best friends. I also make no mistake that I can ever have him. He does not lead me on and make me hope that I can be with him. He does not look like a stud. As a matter of fact he is overweight. He is my height and weight, on a woman this works pretty well .....we have these neat things called boobies LOL

In anycase I have made it a policy since I have started this profile a yr and a half ago that I would not go into detail about what I like and so on sexually due to the fact that I wanted someone to explore that with me in person and not use my fantasies aginst me. How I mean that is to have a guy use then to worm his way into my affections and then turn and drop me when he got his roll in the hay.

I started another profile here and it has one or two erotic stories on it which I expect to grow as I dream them. perhaps I ought t have put them here. But well Everyone knows this handle and the other one is begining to get known as I mostly now chat with that one. but people that chat often do not read profiles or even think about a well known persons blog. So it goes that not many people even see that one. Anyhow. For now that is my compromise on to not say or to say....

pst do y'all think I am being crazier than usual or just prudent?

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