Gender Distortion...  

ForPlay2000 56M
38 posts
3/28/2006 7:05 pm

Last Read:
7/11/2008 8:42 pm

Gender Distortion...

The Gender Gap

The following is one of many correspondences I had with an online friend I came to know quite well but never met. As I recall, we began corresponding after having met on a dating site some time ago. I was living out my dreams in the far North and she lived in Michigan and worked in the surrounding area. There was and is a lot of distance between us even by modern standards. We often said it would be nice to meet. But, in reality, that didn’t seem to matter and may in fact have complicated matters.

We corresponded semi regularly for about two and a half years. And, then we stopped. I suppose it’s not truly accurate to say we stopped. We just got distracted in living our daily lives. The constant pressure of career, family and newfound interests finally intervened by default, not by design. And, in the ebb and flow of daily tides we slipped into the quiet silence of night.

As I said we never met so we never consummated our relationship in the flesh. But, our correspondence was always laced with sexual overtones and innuendo. Yet, it was always grounded in genuine sincerity and mutual respect. It’s been at least a year and a half since we’ve corresponded. Today, I came across one of those correspondences. It is one in which she embedded her comments–in red–directly into my correspondence. We often did this and it made our communication seem like it was a give and take repertoire that was happening in the moment, in person–if you will.

Our correspondence might be one week giddy and the next serious. It might be in one moment hilarious and in the next distracted and sad. It was sometimes hard love and other times about love. Whatever it was before you read it, it was a given that it was going to be genuinely supportive and nurturing. This one happens to be just fun and a little enlightening with regard to the gender gap. Ms. M. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you are blessed, and know that you are loved and appreciated!

My correspondence is in black while her comments appear in red. Some of the correspondence refers to previous communications and won’t make sense. The rest is obvious…

Dear N. Baby!
See my comments below...

EWF?? What in the world... Strike that. Who in the world are they? Emancipated White Folks? Early Widowed Females? Every Womans' Fantasy? Hum... Pray tell?

EWF Consortium... Earth, Water, and Fire... My friends K-1 and K-2 plus myself... K-1 is Earth... She's a natural type, little makeup, does pottery, flower child of the late 60s, living with the same man 27 years-not married. K-2 is Fire, she's married... She has auburn hair and a fiery personality... Strong thinker... Both of these women are PhD's... I am Water, fluid, cool, changing, refreshing... At one time K-1 thought I was wind, but I changed that to Water... We became great friends while working on a project together at ABC... One day we three will all work together again... Now we get together for lunch every 6 weeks or so... We can talk for hours…

So You're working on a bed of lettuce? (Planting a vegetable garden) That sounds like it would be a healthy and sensuous rondevous. What type of dressing are you considering to flavor the moment? Any croutons? Will you feed me lettuce as my naked body lay next to yours and I lay my head on your naked lap?

How about Peppercorn Ranch, creamy garlic, or blue cheese......I like all sorts of dressing, honey mustard, Italian, balsamic vinegar. No croutons..! Don't you remember the crumbs in bed issues??? Of course I will feed you...

Now pounding your meat (speaking of cooking) has a certain ring of singularity about it. I don't know about you but I was thinking more along the lines of a mutually (meaning no singularity) participatory innuendo. After careful consideration I wish to withdraw my last statement. Pounding one's meat doesn't preclude pounding another's, does it? You're not going to go to your tool box and pull out a hammer now are you? Ouch! Be gentle with me. Okay, not so gentle, just a little gentle! Enough gentle that I get the excitement with out the pain. Not into pain! Seek pleasure, avoid pain. That's my motto.

I'm not into pain either... Yet, some intensity sometimes hurts so good... Don't worry... No hammers in my toy, I mean tool chest.

Do I prefer dark meat or white meat? I don't know, but I will eat what you bring to the table. I think! I've never had "dark" meat unless it came from a bird. Not that I wouldn't. Just unlucky in love, I suppose. I have eaten some exotic game, however. How about you? Ever had dark meat?

No, I've never had dark meat... I prefer breast meat.

Oh, I'm a leg man. Actually I love the part that goes over the fence last... Butts. Nice well formed, not grossly fat, but reasonably athletic butts. Butts are beautiful! That was a lot of buts for one sentence! Firm, well formed butts! Boobs are over rated. Especially, gargantuan boobs. If you have to lift up your boobs to scrub your belly... Forget it! On the other hand, if I had boobs... I'd never leave the house! I'd be in the bathroom all day admiring them in the mirror and playing with them. I'd buy tons of lingerie. I wouldn't tire of them either, so don't even go there. I loved the line in the Four Musketeers when Depardue says: "ahhh to nurse upon a nipple is like sucking on a sweet cherry". Frankly, I find that I am very oral and love nipples. The bigger the better. It is very comforting somehow to roll a nipple through one's mouth, and hopefully as equally pleasing to the recipient. I don't readily tire of it.

Did you say cherry..?

Boobs, breasts, hooters and the rack. Call them the twins if you like, I don't care! I just love them (but not as much as butts)! I hear all boobs are unique... I'd like to be the final judge of that!

Aah boobs… You've said it all..! The fascination with boobs does not equate with how I (and a lot of other women) feel about dicks... You know penis, cock, Johnson, little Nic, Peter and the one eyed snake… I could go on but I feel I digress... To have an appendage such as a dick protruding from one's body seems a foreign and uncomfortable thing... And, then you can't count on it to stay one size... It grows, it protrudes, it bounces? I just can't imagine it. I like my business tucked away, tidy, out of sight til called to action...

Ahh... God accomplished his best work when he created Woman. He left nothing out, he forgot nothing and he created superbly! He must have been amusing himself to create something so attractive and desirous to and for Man, and then lay her next to him only for him to discover she might as well be a different species all together!

Well put...YOU are missing your calling as writer... Sometimes poetic, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes sassy, sometimes profound and sometimes damned funny.

Have women figured this out yet? Yes, we know we've got it, we try not to flaunt it

And, what do you girls talk about when you go to the bathroom together. If I tell you, I'd have to kill you.

I mean it's a known fact that you all have to pee at the same time when together! Studies have shown that when wormen live in a dorm together, they begin to memstrate at the same time....When I was in college we counted 30 of 50 girls on our floor all having their period at the same time! My daughter Densie and I are syncronized...Poor K, (my son) I once told him that PMS stood for Punch My Sibliing and Punch my Son.

And, why do you all take your purses when you go? Lipstick, comb, Kleenex, tooth pick, floss, makeup, cell phone, aspirin, tampons, breath mints, money, keys...

What is in that purse that is so, by it's nature, off limits to men and children. Children, I can sort of understand why they risk looking. They're looking for loose change to buy candy with, and it's just too tempting, after all--all they're looking for is money. But, men--on the other hand--when asked to look after a purse, do just that. They look at it. They don't touch it. When a woman says to a man "here hold my purse, I'll be right back". They FREEZE! I guarantee you, if you hand me your purse, you'll get it right back! Uh uh! Not me! Give it to Jim!

It's sort of like the Boogey man that hides under a five year old's bed, he (the five year old) isn't going to look, he's too terrified! I think I'll just pull the covers over my eyes.

The purse... A woman's ditty bag, emergency kit, tool kit, security,... So many of women's clothes have no pockets or tiny pockets, where are we to put the essentials listed above? Your mother taught you well... Don't go into her purse or another woman's purse without permission... If my kids want money from me... I ask them to bring me my purse... Not, help yourself to money from the purse...

I can tell you what a man really wants. It's not sex. Okay, it's sex SEX and MORE SEX. But in reality, falling a distant (very distant) second place behind sex... it is to be a fly on the wall in a women’s lavatory, or in a locker room. What do you girls talk about? Why does it take so long for you to pee?

Find a clean acceptable stall, not wet on the seat, with toilet paper... Carefully lay tissue seat protector on seat or even more carefully lay strips of toilet paper over seat... OR some prefer to squat over the seat and make no contact--then wipe any spray you might have left on the seat... If you pee and then find you forgot to check for toilet paper... then 1. call to another female to pass you some toilet paper under the stall, 2. rummage through PURSE for lipstick stained Kleenex, or 3. Drip dry--A time consuming endeavor...

This is very confusing to us. It vexes us. What do you talk about? Really, very little interesting conversation...

Are you admiring your boobs in the mirror? Sometimes

We would be! Yet, we have it on pretty sound authority that you're not. Don't even go to the place where we men have a phobia about TAMPONS! Ahhhh... Run away! It's something else, isn't it? What is it? Pray tell..? Men are squimish about tampons, yes I knew that...

On the other hand I'm having a thought. Yes, with my brain which is located in my big head. thanks for clarifying ... Just in case you had to ask! Just maybe, we only see the tampons when you females are, how should I say... Uncomfortable??? Which in fact makes us uncomfortable. Do you see the irony in this? One minute women are ovulating, sexually aggressive and all is lovey dovey... Lots of attention and caring nurturing words. The next minute women are experiencing their phase and are experiencing what we call the evil sister syndrom. They experience the sinister transition and become mean! She surely shouldn't have said that, do you think she really meant it? They morph which is a quality of being a woman we don't understand! It vexes us. It REALLY vexes us! As a gender Men are pretty stable. Beer, food and cable TV. No you can't have the clicker! Even if you're on your period. Oh I forgot to mention sex. (I said we were stable as in predictable, not balanced). When we see a tampon wrapper in the trash we know instinctively to go fishing.

If you see a wrapper...the worst is probably over...most symptoms are usually PRE- menstrual...

Why do you think we spend so much money on fishing tackle and outdoors stuff. We know by experience if we hang around for too long we'll be in the doghouse shortly and an apology won't be forthcoming. So why not go fishing? It's pretty boring really, but it gets us out of the house! And, it evades the doggie hut out back with ole Rover!

It could be the tampon reminds of us of plug, which is, of course, a type of fishing lure. So, our primordial minds go back to the days when we were hunters. Whatever it is, please don't tell us, we don't want to know! We just have to go fishing. "Bye honey, I love you and I hope (REALLY REALLY HOPE) you feel better when I get back. No, I mean soon! Really, really soon!"

This was very funny!

Men-- the bane of women's existence--- Menstruation, Menopause, Mental illness

I hope none of this offends you. Not offended at all. I was playing. I like it when you play. I really wrote it to amuse you, You did, I enjoyed this note very much. but I guess it was amusing for me to be playing on the gender thing. I suggest you write a blog along this line...

Men and women have so much between themselves that is so different, yet so much that is the same. And, yet, we have a hard time finding the one that has everything we need to fill the gap in between. But it is a beautiful thing when it happens. Nirvana, I'd say. How wonderful the genders are when they compliment each other. How wonderful! Hear hear..!

By the way I read what you wrote about soulmates. I'm a little more serious here. I know your belief in soulmates has dwindled.

At one time I believed more in them...Yet in this matter I have become more pragmatic and disillusioned... So often I have heard or read, that there is not one person out there for you, but hundreds that you could be compatible with... It's finding the person that you can live with, accept, respect, admire, and vice versa to you... Oh of course you want to love them... Care about them... Enjoy them.... Most days I don't give it any thought...

It is true, so it seems, that a lot of married folks are not all that happy or content... Companionship... That would be nice... Tonight I'm home alone... Kids are out with friends... Weekend plans together, travel, plans for the future... All of these things would be nice to share with someone... Someone I loved...

I liked your statement “…hundreds that you could be compatible with… It’s finding the person that you can live with…” I suppose I’m still looking for the one I can’t live with out. It’s a romantic notion I know, and yet, a nice play on words. But, in my heart of hearts I believe I am still holding out for that person. In the interim, I am developing relationships with others. Relationships that may not truly represent everything I want from the end all save all go to the altar relationship. Yet, I am not one to be pious! I enjoy people too much...

GoodNite Ms. M!

Good night Dear, N. Baby!

And, as you drift off to sleep, DREAM! Dream of the tomorrow you seek and don’t be dissuaded or anguished to awaken and find it so illusive. It will come, because you seek it so… I know it will come! For you, yes, not for all. I BELIEVE in you. And, if you don’t mind, I will seek you in my dreams and maybe some day actually embrace you.


3/31/2006 5:22 pm

Lovely and lively friendship and great memory! Thanks for sharing. {=}

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

ForPlay2000 replies on 4/9/2006 5:51 pm:
Funny thing... I sent her an e-mail on the day of the post and I got a response later in the week. It's like we didn't loose a beat! Thanks for stopping by.

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