Well, M'Lud There Was Donut Dust On My Truncheon And I Had To Rub It Off  

Fallic40 54M
3214 posts
2/17/2006 1:35 pm
Well, M'Lud There Was Donut Dust On My Truncheon And I Had To Rub It Off

After my last post, I thought that perhaps a little levity was in order. Instead, I came upon this little gem the other day and thought that it made for interesting reading.


Cop twiddled truncheon

A TOP cop arrested for pleasuring himself in his car claimed he was fiddling with his MOBILE, a court heard yesterday.

Detective Inspector Stephen Clay pulled up at traffic lights next to care worker Valerie Smith. She glanced across and was horrified to see him caressing his erect manhood, a jury heard. When his lawyer asked Mrs. Smith if she could have been mistaken, she replied: “I do know the difference between a mobile telephone and a penis.”

Mrs. Smith, in her 50s, told Doncaster Crown Court she got a perfect view of what 44-year-old Clay was up to as her Toyota Corolla Verso people-carrier was higher than his Rover. She said: “I glanced across and noticed the driver was rubbing his private parts.

“He just kept staring straight ahead. He obviously wanted to be seen by members of the public because he sat there with his penis erect. I was angry and shaking. I just thought if my granddaughter had been in my car. It’s not pleasant.”

Shaken Mrs. Smith took down Clay’s registration number. Clay, of Scunthorpe, was arrested by fellow Humberside cops. He told them he was scrolling through the calendar on his flip-up phone in his lap.

He denies outraging public decency. The trial continues.


Now while this is inexcusable in any situation, I really like the excuse that the “perp” gave to the judge. It is going to be interesting to see how this case turns out since it really comes down to his word against hers. Is the situation made any worse because he is a DI, or is a perv is a perv is a perv, whether he works in cop shop or a fish shop.

What I am interested in hearing is the excuse you would give to the judge (referred to as My Lord, not Your Honour, in the UK). My excuse is the title.

(Also, the picture has nothing to do with the case in point, other than as an illustration of the DI's O face.)

rm_jayR63 60F
1884 posts
2/17/2006 3:08 pm

I see no reason not to believe the officer.
After all, he has the reputation of being an upstanding member of the community.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/17/2006 4:11 pm

Hi Jay, this case is going to come down to his word against hers. I am going to look for more information this weekend on this. I haven't seen any information on the DI since British law prevents any kind of speculation on a case while it is pending.

moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
2/17/2006 4:49 pm

Okay Fallic...that isn't an excuse you have ready in case you get caught is it? <wink wink nudge nudge>

kind thoughts,

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/18/2006 7:18 am

moonfire, since I very rarely eat donuts, I am going to have to come up with something much spontaneous.

rm_jayR63 60F
1884 posts
2/18/2006 7:29 am

(clears throat) ...UPSTANDING MEMBER of the community.....

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/18/2006 9:24 am

jay, that is very, very good

aLovelyBrunette 42F

2/19/2006 11:35 am

Hey, is that Mr. Beans?! He should have said someone put itching powder in his pants.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/20/2006 5:46 pm

lovelybrunette, that is indeed Rowan Atkinson of Mr. Bean fame. The picture is acturally from another television series he did called The Thin Blue Line where he played a policeman.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/22/2006 8:29 am

sil, "yeah, it's one of them thar big purple zippos, yeah, that's it. Little bastard takes a lot of work to get it to flame"

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