Hold Me Back - I Think I Am Supposed To Be Angry  

Fallic40 54M
3214 posts
1/24/2006 12:12 pm
Hold Me Back - I Think I Am Supposed To Be Angry

So here I am extolling the joys of being single and living alone when I find this in today’s The Sun. Now granted, The Sun being The Sun, most of these “facts” could very easily be fictionalized, sensationalized, or some other form of “ized” that I have not yet thought through.

However, there is some thought provoking material here, especially the talk about work place discrimination. I have worked many weekends because my bosses thought that I had nothing better to do. I was often covering for shop floor supervisors who were married. I was not invited to work functions since I did not have a significant other.

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Singles get raw deal

By CORINNE ABRAMS
Sun Online

SINGLE people are suffering discrimination at the hands of a "couplist society", according to a study out today. Despite making up 38 per cent of the adult population, single people are expected to work longer hours and at weekends. And they are often socially excluded by their coupled-up friends, research from the Carat media agency found.

More and more people are expected to live alone in the coming years but will miss out on all the benefits enjoyed by couples, it added. Six out of 10 of singletons claimed to have experienced discrimination in the workplace compared with their attached friends.

The most common forms were being expected to work more weekends, being expected to work longer hours and having to attend more out-of-hours social functions. Almost a fifth of singletons said they were expected to flirt with clients of the opposite sex and the same number had to travel more for work than their loved-up colleagues.

The study - which called the discrimination "Partnerism" - also found that men were more affected by workplace discrimination than women. Two-thirds of single men said they had experienced at least one form of work-related discrimination, compared with 48 per cent of single women.

In their social lives, half of all singletons said they had suffered negative experiences due to being single. The most common complaint was being asked embarrassing questions in public about their love life and being left out of social events. Here, women said they suffered the most (55 per cent) compared to 47 per cent of men.

A fifth of single women have pretended to have a partner to avoid being asked questions, 27 per cent said they have been left out of events and 17 per cent had not been invited on holidays with couples.

Carat strategist Michael Florence, who oversaw the study of more than 12,000 adults in England, Scotland and Wales, said: "Although we have found that singletons represent 38 per cent of the adult population, our research indicates that we are, in fact, living in a 'couplist' society. "This year there will be more singletons living here than ever before, so attitudes must now change."


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I had not realized that I now had my own “angry representative minority”. I am a singleton. (It sounds too much like simpleton to me.) I wonder if there are federal subsidies that I can now apply for?


papyrina 52F
21133 posts
1/24/2006 2:12 pm

i told you you,shouldn't read the sun


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


Shelly_Marie 45F

1/24/2006 2:17 pm

roflmao @ simpleton

well, no i never felt really put out that way at work though...


slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
1/24/2006 2:32 pm

Yes...I've read this sort of stuff before and I do believe that places seem to think that just because you are single, then it must mean you have nothing going on...therefore your holiday or weekend is not as important. It sucks, and I've seen it happen in places where I've worked. I've been looked at by the boss like...so Jean...you want to work this or that holiday and take a floater so that so and so can be with their "family". I've caved a time or 2...but only on holidays where I didn't give a flying you know what about it. Other times I just simply said no. It does happen...and it really isn't fair.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
1/24/2006 3:54 pm

Federal Subsidies....hmmm...now that's a thought!!! If you find any let us all know!

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/24/2006 4:36 pm

Papy, I am glad to see you are feeling a little more alive this morning. Look on the bright side, I didn't post the "I had sex with a 6' alien" article. And I really (really, really) wanted too.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/24/2006 4:38 pm

Shelley Marie, have you been asked to cover for other employees strictly based upon being single?


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/24/2006 4:41 pm

Hi slide, how are you doing. I see you have this issue at work too. Checking with some other friends of mine, I found nurses are really victimized by this.

I would love to have tiller weigh in on this subject too. Has she been asked to cover for crew members who are married?


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/24/2006 4:45 pm

Hi imp, how are you doing, my love? It seems we have an obvious need that needs to be redressed. We need some crooked lobbyists, a couple of Republican senators and we can be rolling in subsidies.


slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
1/24/2006 6:13 pm

    Quoting Fallic40:
    Hi slide, how are you doing. I see you have this issue at work too. Checking with some other friends of mine, I found nurses are really victimized by this.

    I would love to have tiller weigh in on this subject too. Has she been asked to cover for crew members who are married?
You know what... I'll send her an email and see.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
53F

1/24/2006 10:51 pm

but baby you get the whole BED to yourself

*hugs*

TTFN


_Safira 55F
11260 posts
1/24/2006 11:36 pm

Still enjoying my "meaningful singleness" ... with you.

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me


tillerbabe 57F

1/24/2006 11:50 pm

Interesting. In the Fire Department we have "Dependent Care." which is the ability to take time off using sick leave hours. The City recognizes "Domestic Partners"..people that aren't married but have lived together for over three months, these "Domestic Partners" get the same benefits as the spouse of a Firefighter, (Health insurance, dental etc.) Also, the firefighter can take time off using Dependent Care to take care of their "Domestic Partner."

Now, when a firefighter is "layed off" (this is the term we use for calling in sick..), it is up to the City to "cover" that position, this is done by using the overtime list that firefighters sign up for..and there are always a lot of people signed up, so nothing is "forced" on anyone.

As a single person, I have been asked to "make a trade" with another firefighter where we trade shifts so that he can be with his family on Christmas, Father's Day..etc. Again, this is by choice and many single firefighters do this just to help out their buddy because we all respect family so much.

What I do find discriminatory is being a hetero-sexual female in an occupation where most of the women are "butch" lesbians and many of the hetero-sexual women are married to other firefighters. I'm not married because I have chosen not to be...I never felt "desperate" to jump into a marriage just because, I'm pretty damn independent. I don't have any children out of choice also..there is nothing "wrong" with me physically..it's just been a choice. (Birth control does work if you use it right!).

So, I don't try to be a guy, and I'm a sensual, strong, competent woman. I've never "used" my sexuality to "get over" and I just do my job. I just happen to have boobs. This has caused me problems from small minds. First, those that are married, feel like it's their quest to get me married and have kids..like if I'm married, they will be happier. WTF? My single behavior, my sexuality and my choices somehow rock their idea of the way the world should fit together..it's like thay are sacred of me and other women in the department like me. Like I'm goign to be a bad influence on their wives, them..whatever. Because in their small minds, what I am isn't supposed to "work" and I'm not "supposed" to be happy by societal standards and I must be some kind of dangerous whore.
They cannot fathom that I'm loyal, I do my work better than some of the men, I'm happy, I'm not a slut, I don't threaten marriages, (I'm not the least bit interested in someone that is involved in a realtioship..why would I do that to someone else..or to myself? I have way too much self esteem for that type of behavior.) The other thing I always have to do, is convince the "new" wives that i'm not after their man. Some of these guys go home and tell their wives how great I am and compare their wives to me, (fucked up)..so I have to go out of my way to show them that I'm not the least bit interested in their man.

The other thing...at parties and social functions...when I come alone..I'm seen as a threat. Like I'm "available" just because I'm alone..WTF? And you know, the guys are always out on the deck smokin' cigars..and you can find me there with them...shit, they're my co-workers..you won't find me in the kitchen preparing salads with the women...

So, there is my burden. But, I've never been normal, so no big deal - it's their problem, not mine. Whoop-ti-doo!


Shelly_Marie 45F

1/25/2006 1:12 am

fallic, no i havent...


_Safira 55F
11260 posts
1/25/2006 3:25 am

Tills ~ We must have a discourse on my main philosophical viewpoint in life. It's called "The Society of One"!

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me


impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
1/25/2006 4:04 pm

so Tills...do you get to use the "dependant care" when one of your puppies are sick? They are after all YOUR babies. I have been know to on occassion use my "sick leave" for my baby...and...to prove a point even further...I brought my Maggie to work with me on "Mother/Daughter" day after my daughter was too old to go. That certainly brought some chuckles and raised eyebrows. LOL Perhaps it is that impish rebellious soul that resides within me - but I've always been very quick to explain that though my home is "empty" now, my LIFE is not and therefore I am not available to be the "single" fall back chickie.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:31 pm

Tiller, thank you so much for commenting. Your input means a great deal here. I have never had any issue with covering for a work friend with a family if I had nothing planned. I just had an issue with my company deciding that for me. It sounds as if the fire department has a fair way of dealing with this issue.

I really appreciated the comments about socializing. You added a lot of input from a woman's perspective that I had not, nor would, ever consider. As a single guy, I just don't get invited to "couples" events. And yes, I do find that I get invited to be set up with someone's sister for the evening.

Tiller, keep embracing your originality. I owe you a pint for this if you ever make it down to Portland.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:34 pm

Sil, I would never call you a loser. I would not call any single lady a loser. As you can see from this post, and my other singles post, we need to embrace being single.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:36 pm

imp, my mum has had two dogs ever since my sister and I moved out. She even refers to them as my brother and sister. So you are not alone in calling Maggie one of your children.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:37 pm

saf, our "meaningful singleness together" is becoming a bigger and better part of my life daily.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:38 pm

sil, 10 single women working together? Are you all nuns?


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/25/2006 9:40 pm

redlips, that's right: my bed, my pillows (6 of them), my 500 count egyptian cotton sheets, my down comforter, mine, mine, mine.


tillerbabe 57F

1/27/2006 3:27 am

A "pint"??? what are we waiting for?????????

Pixie...Hell yeah! It is well known, but not alked about much that firfighters use "dependent care" for their pups...it's not "legal" but there are so many dog people in the dept...(we just "do it")


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/27/2006 6:34 pm

sil, just checking.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
1/28/2006 8:47 am

tiller, family is family and you do what it takes to look after it.


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