Confusion reigns  

Fallic40 54M
3214 posts
9/27/2005 7:26 pm
Confusion reigns

Let's face it, I'm just a guy. So I am naturally predisposed to total and complete confusion: high IQ or not.

However, there are some things in life that are just that much more confusing than others. Those things in life that are the brainiac equivalent of jock itch.


1. Sandra Lee. Now I might just be missing the point here but watching someone who looks like Celine Dionne's anorexic twin combined with Martha Stewart's personality run a cooking show (Semi-homemade with Sandra Lee) is just not a good thing.

2. Golf. It does not relax me. Mark Twain referred to it as "a good walk spoiled" and I choose to agree with him. I know the mathematics and the physics of what should happen when I brain that little, white, fuckin' ball but it just doesn't translate.

3. Critically acclaimed movies. I really try hard to sit through them. I try not to fidget. I read all of the little sub-titles. But, a lot of the time, I just find them a lot less fulfilling than your common-or-garden block buster.

4. What happens to all of those really ugly, multi-coloured sweaters that Mervyn's, JC Penney's etc sell. They seem to all get sold, and occasionally some unfortunate father gets one for Christmas from gift challenged children and wears it for ONE day but where do they actually go?

5. Body hair. Where the fuck does it come from? I turned 35 and all of a sudden there is hair poking out of from my nostils and waving "hi" to me in the mirror. Later, it intorduces me to it's cousins who decided to move into my ears. There has been a migration to my back that rivals the Goths trashing the Roman Empire. It's taken on a life of it's own.

6. Engineers. Those who can do and those who can't become engineers.

7. Lingerie. It looks really nice and feels really nice. But trying to figure out what fits and what it is called is enough to give me a seizure. I can figure sheet metal adjustments within 1/1000th of an inch (or .001 if it is a metric print). Lingerie - I am happy if it's the right colour.

8. Skin care. I thought, just wash with soap and water. My daughters assure me that, "dude, you are so totally wrong." So now, in order to make them happy, I have to have all kinds of stuff on hands for every kind of skin care crisis imaginable (or imagined).

9. Reality TV. Reality sucks so why watch someone else's reality suck even more?

10. Women...... but you guys are helping. Everyday in every way I am getting better and better. But please don't ask me the "do my pants make my butt look big" question... my brain overloads and my eyes roll back in my head and my ears bleed and it's really gruesome.


You see, these are the questions we are pondering when you say to us "what are you thinking?" The confusion is reigning so supreme that all we can say is "nuttin".

rm_jayR63 60F
1884 posts
9/29/2005 11:56 am

I initially read the first line the same way

I don't get golf or women either.

The others I don't know enough about to offer comment.
I hate bras. Except for sports bras.
There is something to be said for being "petite"

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
9/29/2005 7:05 pm

Hi Playful, hopefully I will still hear from you all of the time as I love to read what you have to say and to respond. I see that there is a lot of frustration (obviously). I know you have really worked hard on the convention.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
9/29/2005 7:07 pm

Jay & silhouette, I am 100% hetero. Of course I have had a lot of e-mails from gay guys lately, hmmmmmmmmmmmm. Confusion could be creeping in.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
9/29/2005 7:12 pm

Hi silhouette, I hadn't noticed the shaking thing with Sandra Lee. I have been too consumed by the Stepford Wife thing with her: and when she trots the kids out - scary. Now I'll have to watch a couple of the shows to see that. She's probably shaking from rage and has just fired a couple of assistants - that's the Martha vibe that I can sense.

There is just something about someone anorexic cooking. That's why Rachel Ray is my secret snuggle bunney. She looks like she would be so much fun to be around. Rachel is so cute but looks like she enjoys a really good meal.

playfulwithyou33 57F
961 posts
9/30/2005 4:52 am

Thanks Fallic! I DID WORK HARD ON THE CONVENTION. And I will be back to visit your blog.

Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
10/2/2005 5:14 pm

hi silhouette, I keep hoping to run into Rachel Ray here in Oregon as she has a definite thing about this area. She has featured 4 different cities on her $40 progamme and there aren't more than that in the whole state. So if I do find her, and convince her to leave her husband for me, I'll drop you a line for a threesome.

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