F1reman6969 51M
163 posts
2/7/2006 4:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


loving you when i know i shouldn't is difficult.
it's the hardest thing my life has ever experienced.
there is a hole, a missingness.
light and sunshine and hope and creativity and spiritedness and meeting of mind are a void looking to be filled.
the emotional silo is filled with love and kindness and caring and it's difficult to empty it again.
the investment is too large.
the longing is too great.
the love rests there waiting for you, in perpetuity.
there is nothing i can do with that stored love because it waits for you and belongs to you and you may never come.
you may never return.
you left with the intention of leaving and that's where we are.
you wanted to be free.
i wanted you to be free.
my promise was to let you go and not to interfere and i have.
i've missed you terribly.
and now i'm having to deal with my lack of dominion over my own mind.
i have become intrusive and meddling and i will no longer meddle, as i promised.
i've disrespected you and i will no longer do so.
as difficult as it will be to continue to love you in perpetuity and to have to let you go with a glimmer of hope that you may return to me and we will complete each other once again.
there will be dark days ahead without that light and sunshine.
a darkness that may never be quite lighted the same way by another.
but those dark sad days are my dominion now, now that i've disrespected you and shown a lack of integrity and love and caring and scarred the trust built between us.
i still hold an unconditional love for you and i will do that continuously.
i apologize for what i have done, but those are just words and my actions will tell the story of how sorry i am.
i will live with dark sad days and try to forge on with the memory of you living inside and work through the reasons for the lack of respect and integrity.
i am stronger that that.
i am the one in control of my destiny and i will follow the signs leading me there, but i will be halted by nothing and no one.
i apologize for my weakness in a time of need and desire.
look for me sometime and observe how i will have changed my dominion.
i do this for myself and i will disrespect no more.
i will be the pinnacle of integrity and unconditional love, mature love, love that will last into perpetuity.
move forward and forge forever on.
i apologize and hope that forgiveness may be the blessing of the gods.
i pray that the universe will provide the energy to move me to where i belong.
i pray that the universe will provide the love that will be needed to let me find love again.
i pray that i will love this way again.
i pray that you may find it in you to return.
i pray that events will move us in a parallel path that will take us home, our true home....


f 1 r e m a n 6 9

actlikeanimals 61F

2/7/2006 5:20 pm

there is no rest for a soul that achs for release when it is and has wounded....
no pain as great or can be inflicted that will compare to the bludgeoned, oozing and ragged hole that is left....
there are your eyes that the world sees as similiar to others, but I see the corners as they bend and the haunting plead of your hand that is not physically outstretched but open just the same..to receive her again.....

rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
2/7/2006 6:35 pm

good luck

F1reman6969 51M

2/7/2006 11:24 pm

thank you.
i hope it touched you in some way.
and thanks for the well wishes.
events will change and so will i and i'm sure i will find love again.

it's funny you should bring up the image of an open hand.
that is my metaphor for relationships and unconditional love.
you are free to leave, but if you ever want to return i will always welcome you.
you've picked up on the exact sentiment.

thank art.
if there are gods or a god that you pray to, get them or him or her to send some good vibes my way....

i was hoping that it would touch a few folks and that they could take the sentiment and carry it with them in their pocket for a day.
i cope with the loss of my dearest friend everyday.
she's always in my mind.
she'll always be in my heart....

F1reman6969 51M

2/8/2006 8:22 pm

it's not so sad.
it's uplifting at the end.
there's always hope....

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