Things I Do That I Wish I Did Not  

EthicalPlayer 45M
123 posts
6/8/2006 8:20 pm

Last Read:
8/6/2006 10:17 pm

Things I Do That I Wish I Did Not

I got this idea from a friend's blog. She posted a list of embarrassing and quirky things about herself that she wishes she could change. I thought this was a grand idea, so I chose to bite her style and make a list of my own.

So without further delay:

Things I Do That I Wish I Did Not

1. I rarely lose my cool when folks disrespect or insult me... but I silently plot their demise and pray that one or more of them are stupid enough to lay their hands on me so I can call it self-defense when I bludgeon them to death.

2. I randomly recount embarrassing moments where I've made a spectacle of myself... and sometimes physically run blindly from the memory, trying to out-run it, only to crash into a door, stack of books, or other stationary objects, making a spectacle of myself and fueling future random embarrassing memories. Sometimes I even try to shoo the memories away like invisible flies, probably resembling That Crazy Guy Who Talks To Himself While Onlookers Pretend Not To Notice.

3. I pass gas and blame it on my oldest daughter.

4. I suck at social events, opting to pretend to be interested in a plotted-plant instead of engaging in conversation.

5. When I'm particularly uncomfortable, I stutter horribly. Well, I shouldn't say horribly. I'm quite good at stuttering. In fact, in the most extreme awkward moments, I excel at it.

6. Fresh from the shower, or on the way to the shower, I perform, on demand, what wifey and I call the "penis dance". I swivel my hips and allow my unit to loudly smack each thigh repeatedly, like a fleshy pendulum. And it never gets old to wifey. Must be love.

I'm sure that there are more items... and I'll modify the list as I think of them.

Now that I've put myself on front-street, what about you? Turnabout's fair-play, right? What are some things you do that you wish you didn't?

Please don't leave me hangin as the resident loon! Throw a brotha a bone!

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