advice from a former catholic school girl  

EbonyHnk 38M
178 posts
4/27/2006 11:39 pm
advice from a former catholic school girl

Do you think women should tell their current partners about their wild past?

No, you most certainly should not. This one works like trickle down economics, you slowly reveal things over a long period of time. It's elementary. After a guy knows that that sh*t is his, then he won't stress knowing that you were number 2,398 on Gene Simmons' hit list and once went down on a midget.

How do you warm up your partner when they're not in the mood?

If we are talking about boys, it is very rare that they aren't in the mood. Try the schoolgirl uniform. If that doesn't work, don't underestimate the power of suggestion. Don't be afraid to reach your hands down his pants.

Do open relationships ever work?

Good lord, no. It demotes you to fuck buddies, which is more convenient, but less noble. If you're going to try this, unless you are practiced swingers, get ready for a mental fuck.

Etiquette for MMFF group sex?

Etiquette for groups include:
1- Never learn any of the other participants' names.
2- Protection, protection, protection!
3- Don't be selfish. Involve every person or you won't be lucky enough to be in this situation again.
4- It never hurts to tape it!

What words should never be used when referring to genitalia?

There are several horrible words used to refer to the female genitalia: snatch, cooze, cunt. For male genitalia, the names usually sound like potential extras on The Dukes of Hazzard, and that's fucking superb. Dick, cock and yang are much more noble sounding than their female counterparts.

Rumor is former Catholic school students are a sexed-up lot. What's with the myth?

Catholic school students are sexually repressed during their formative years, so when they get out into the real world they tend to think they are in a constant porno. They think porn's filmed without the participants' knowledge, and they want to star in as many as possible.

What can I do to get over any reservations about rear entry?

It's not a bad idea to have some Anal-Eze™ on hand just to be prepared. That stuff is a magical potion. It will make you feel like a trained adult professional. Not that I've tried it or anything.

Is the missionary position underrated?

It's not that it's underrated; it's more that it's not for close loving relationships. It's good for short-term relationships that are mostly physical. It's a domination thing.

I've heard that Catholic girls give excellent oral sex. Fact or fiction? Any oral tips?

It could be that we're just good on our knees. Do I owe it to my Catholic school roots? I think I just owe it to Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. My only tip is to make it look like it tastes like the most decadent chocolate devil's food cake dripping with creamy vanilla ice cream you've ever had the privilege to taste, and pretend that having it go down your throat isn't painful. In fact, the deeper it goes, the harder you should moan because it counteracts the gagging reflex.

What's the most valuable sexual lesson you learned in Catholic school?

To disregard just about everything I learned about sex in Catholic school. I guess the most valuable is that most devout Catholics have eight to 12 children and can barely afford toothpaste for their small alcoholic armies.
Mortal sins in the bedroom and how Madonna influenced their sexual awakening...

I'm interested in investigating role-play scenarios. Has the Catholic school uniform worked for you?

I burned my plaid skirt shortly after my eighth-grade graduation.

What's the best way to suggest introducing a third partner into a new relationship?

"It worked for the Father, Son and Holy Ghost."

Do open relationships ever work?

They work when both people are getting an equal amount of outside-the-relationship ass.
When my partner asks how many people I've slept with in the past, what's a good number to give?
The correct number!

What words should never be used when referring to male genitalia? Female genitalia?

Usually any name that the penis' owner has given it. For female genitalia, I hate pussy and prefer the oft-reviled c-word.

Rumor is former Catholic school students are a sexed-up lot. What's with the myth?

I think it is precisely that -- a myth. Former Catholic students aren't any more sexed up than the general population.

What's a mortal sin in the bedroom?

Unsolicited attempts at rear entry.
It's totally annoying to have to pick pubes out of my teeth after sex.

Any tips for pubic-hair maintenance? What would be most pleasing from my partner's perspective?

I've recently decided that I am anti the hairless trend. It's not natural. I think people should aim for somewhere between abundant winter bush and baby smooth. Keep it short, keep it sexy. We can't all be porn stars.

I've heard that Catholic girls give excellent oral sex. Any oral tips?

I've never gotten oral sex from a Catholic girl.
I met someone and had great, wild sex with them.

How long should I wait to call this special person?

Wait until they call you. Or until you get very drunk and temporarily say "fuck it" to the game.

I've met someone with strong religious convictions and I'm worried that these convictions may follow us into bed. Should I be concerned or just play it by ear?
Be concerned. If the believer ends up doing something they regret later, they'll probably blame you for their moral transgression.

I'm all about ritual -- candles, Enigma playing in the background, vanilla incense on occasion. Does any of this really matter if the sex is topnotch?
Not at all. If you're focused on tradition, you might lose sight of why you're there and what you're doing in the first place, something the Catholic church can relate to.

What's the most valuable sexual lesson you learned in Catholic school?
Nothing I've ever learned about sex that could be considered valuable can be attributed to my Catholic education. I credit a viewing of "Like A Prayer" on MTV as my sexual awakening.

My partner watches porn more times a week than we create a little porn ourselves. I've said something but they get defensive.
Either learn to like it as much as they do or get out. Nothing can come between some people and their pornography.

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