Do Men Need Love To Be Complete ?  

EbonyHnk 38M
178 posts
5/19/2006 6:18 am

Last Read:
5/19/2006 6:27 am

Do Men Need Love To Be Complete ?

Everyone knows that one guy -- you know the type -- who always has to be in a relationship. Just when his pals are stretching out in satisfaction because the last girlfriend is gone, he brings in a new honey who, he assures everyone, is really the love of his life this time. Every relationship he gets involved in absorbs all of his time, and makes him slightly less fun to hang out with.

But at the same time, he is enviable. The ones who struggle to find fulfilling relationships wish they had his ease with serious dating and constant mission in search of love. But despite the yearning on the part of his buddies, they may be better off than Mr. Lover Man. Why? Because single guys have the chance to come to an important realization: You don't necessarily need love to lead a complete and fulfilling life.

Though I'm not advocating a big, self-inflating ego expansion here, I am suggesting that you assess your sense of self in terms of your own tastes and preferences and ignore, for a moment, whether or not you have a lady to wake up to every morning. A lot of guys think that to live without a girlfriend is not living -- but they forget about themselves. So think about yourself: What do girlfriends never let you do? What part of yourself gets hindered when you're in a relationship? It's time to unleash these parts.

find the little guy inside

Altogether, you need to feel complete on your own. Before that last breakup, before the week in Miami, before the magical first autumn -- really, before you even began noticing girls -- you were an individual with the sole responsibility for your entire state of being. Don't try to convince yourself that this has really changed in a substantial way.

If you feel that there is something missing in your life, don't lunge for a romantic opportunity to fill the void. In fact, don't assume there is even a void when there may not be. That nagging sense that something is missing might just be a disguised urge to go to a sports bar and watch boxing.

Oftentimes, men seek shelter in relationships in order to feel complete. For some guys, it really is the only thing that rounds out their existence. But more often than not, the girlfriend is little more than the provider of a false sense of security. Johnny may think, "Oh, everything is fine now, I have a girlfriend," when in reality he has slowly been losing touch with his friends, largely because of his dating commitments. Will he ever notice this pattern? Probably not; unless he changes his ways.

In short, rebounding may not be the best way to react to a breakup, especially if it's the second or third (or more) in a long line of rebounds. First and foremost, try to remember yourself, and ask yourself this: How much have I done and what do I really want to do?

It's time to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

check yourself

Make like the IRS and do a personality audit. Call it the S.W.O.T. test (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats; what are yours?). This is especially important after a breakup. Rather than walking directly to the bar for a date with Johnnie Walker and the nearest floozy, sit down and relax, and think about healing, being alone, and refocusing your energy. Who are you and what makes you happy?

The issue here is fulfillment, and a relationship isn't necessarily the only way to feel fulfilled. Consider what has made you feel fulfilled in the past. Coaching a kid's soccer team? Filling a little sketchbook with drawings that no one saw but you? Try to be proud of your accomplishments, and you may realize that you didn't let yourself feel this way when you were involved in a relationship.

Go over your strengths and weaknesses and, again, include things that may have been pushed out of the way during a relationship. List goals that you'd like to accomplish (opportunities), and note the things in your life that might be bringing you down (threats). In other words, take a few minutes to recreate a better version of yourself.

what now?

So now, how can you be complete without the love of a woman? You'll be surprised when you realize a man's capacity for entertaining himself (no, not that way). Staying busy is the simplest credo -- do more of what you've always wanted to do.

Hang with the old gang
More specifically, a good first step to independence is surrounding yourself with friends and family. Sometimes, girlfriends have a way of keeping your personality away from other like personalities. Get back to hanging out with people that make you happy and appreciate you in full. Throw a dinner party or organize a softball game. It's time to reconnect.

Keep yourself busy
Start focusing on new things that would make you feel happy. That's right; take that skydiving lesson out of your daydreams and put it into effect. Take up new activities; start by reading a book you've always wanted to read, and follow it up by taking a course. Improve your career by studying business management, pep up your traveling ambitions and learn a new language, or take up cooking, martial arts, photography, guitar lessons -- anything that has ever interested you. Fill the empty space with freshness.

Live your dreams
Next it's time to get downright indulgent and start crossing entries off your "Life's To-Do List." Bungee jump, scuba dive, or rock climb your way to emotional independence. Realize your extreme dreams now; there's nothing holding you back.

don't depend on love

While we all need a certain level of love in our lives, you'll probably find it when you least expect it. After you've graduated from kickboxing school, gone cattle-herding in Nevada and swum with the fishes in Barbados, and just when you're seeing your new favorite play for the fourth time, you'll probably notice a sweet little princess two seats away, laughing at the same parts as you. When you talk to her, she'll be surprised at your self-confidence and originality. And you'll see that it was great to be you for a while.

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