further explination  

Eastside__Devil 37F
420 posts
4/14/2006 10:36 am

Last Read:
4/25/2006 2:49 am

further explination

I don’t deal with death very well; hell I had to quit working at a nursing home because every time one of the residents died I would get really depressed. I will never understand why someone would kill themselves, granted I myself have tried it at times but we’re not going into that.

Yesterday I found out that someone I considered a friend hung himself on Wednesday night and it’s tearing me up inside right now. I really liked him even though I only got to spend a little time with him. I was actually rather attracted to him but because I’m such a chicken shit I never told him.

I remember the last time I saw him, by chance we ran into each other at the bar and ended up goofing off and dancing even though the bar didn’t have a dance floor, then his friends dragged us to one of the “hipper” bars and he and I spent the time there drinking our beers and listening to music on his I-pod.

I guess I’m angry because I never saw it coming; he always seemed to be happy when I saw him.

After I found out I went and got myself completely drunk which needless to say was probably a bad idea (and also explains my previous blog).

I guess maybe my roommate is right in saying I only am attracted to somewhat unstable people.

I don’t know why he did it but I am going to miss him….

irishtongue71 52M

4/14/2006 5:03 pm

Sorry about the name thing....I didn't know....Can you edit or hide the comment?


rm_PeanutJackie 37F
1286 posts
4/14/2006 10:53 pm

ESD, like I said before, I'm very sorry to hear about this. If you need an ear, just let me know ok?

"I am beautiful no matter what you say, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today."

rm_Dorbadim75 42M
30 posts
4/15/2006 12:00 pm

I don't know if I'd say you like unstable people. Maybe you just like people who are at odds with "normal" society and who have a spontaneous nature. Eventually society beats the crap out of the people who go against the flow, and that can push people beyond their limits. Then again, what do I know? I can't tell how people feel in the first place.

All I know is that the cycle of life goes on, and the only thing you have even a little bit of control of is yourself. We all affect each other in ways but no matter how we think our actions will change a person, we most likely will be wrong. We can never know all of the influences in someone's life. If we try to find out what all those influences are, we change them. Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Einstein would be proud...

You seemed ok last night, so I'm hoping your friends helped/are helping you through this. You seem to have a lot of people that care about you around you. If you need someone to chat with, tho, I'm available as long as we go somewhere that's kinda quiet since we all know how my hearing works otherwise.

Take care.

jakblack36 49M

4/15/2006 2:59 pm

Sorry about the loss of your friend. I agree with gs, you can't be sad over the choices others make. Only your own.

Being a former firefighter, I have seen first hand many suicides. My best friend took his life when we were 16. I personally feel that alot of suicides are preventable. I blame them on brain chemistry gone bad. Our brains are really complex and it doesn't take much to throw us chemically off. Sometimes ti probably happens so fast that the individual may not recognize thier illness.

This probably didn't help you. But I do wish ya well.

jaimeOOO69 53F

4/16/2006 6:13 pm

We all get the "Maybe I should of"s when it concerns a friend or acquaintance's death. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember the good times you had. And don't ever be afraid to say "You know, I really like you!"


rm_CyclingSusie 45F

4/16/2006 6:59 pm

Eastie--I'm here for you...24 hours a day, 365 days a year (366 days in leap years).


SinsualIntellect 53M
31 posts
4/17/2006 4:35 am

Sorry to hear about your friend Eastside, but don't give up for yourself.

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