First Scenes (For Submissives)  

DragonWycke 64M
91 posts
8/31/2006 8:08 am

Last Read:
8/31/2006 1:33 pm

First Scenes (For Submissives)

First Scenes (For Submissives)
By SoulThief


First scenes are tricky things. You want to be able to show a novice all of the incredible things that you know: why the scene is so powerful; why it so exciting; how it can do things for them that they never new possible. At the same time they are probably nervous, are clinging to barely expanded limits and the last thing you want to do is scare them away again.

Your own style will have a large part to play in how you handle this. Some Dom/mes prefer to be very gentle while others like to come across as harsh, uncaring and demanding (even if this is only an act for the sub's benefit and not who they are underneath). Some will want to focus on the mental aspects, others on physical. Whatever your style, it will inevitably effect how you handle a first scene. The intention of this piece is to address some common issues that anyone can use.


Safewords are nervous territory for a lot of submissives anyway. A new submissive may well be very nervous of "getting it wrong" and ruining things, or may not even understand quite how they work.

Taking the time to explain the concept of safewords to someone is always well worth doing. It ensures things will go much more smoothly later, it helps build their trust and, for the show off Dom/mes amongst us, it makes you look like you really know what you are doing.

Once you have explained safewords and reached a point where it is appropriate, try teaching the submissive to use them. Choose an approach and slowly build it up, until they do safeword. When they do safeword, congratulate them for using it, properly. That way you will reassure them that it was you checking they new how to use it as opposed to your just pushing too hard too soon. Remember to remind them about their safeword throughout the build up - the last thing you want is for them to forget that it exists and be pushed too far.

Once you are certain they know how to use their safeword and know that it is all-right to do so, make sure you continue to honour it. The very moment they use it, throughout the rest of the scene, stop immediately, reassure them it is OK, and talk about whatever issues they are nervous about or having trouble dealing with.

Build Trust

A part of teaching them that they can use safewords and that you will honour them is about building trust.

Even new submissives who have read a lot about the scene, or know you already, will probably still be very nervous. Teaching a new submissive that they can trust you will help them relax a lot more which will, in turn, allow you to ultimately take them further.

A good way of doing this can be to make the first few acts a lot less scary than they are expecting. If they surrender themselves to your touching them wherever you choose, touch their face rather than jump at their breasts. If they are trying nipple clamps, hardly tighten them or use your weakest pair. If you are going to spank them, try not to go much further than patting at first.

By making things less scary than they expect, they will relax. Once they relax, they can enjoy the sensation without the fear burying it. Sure, you will not be able to give them such an intense experience straight away, but first time nerves will be making it quite intense enough. Besides, just because you started without scaring them, does not mean you can not build up to something more intense by the end of the scene for them to remember. That way, you will have both trust and intensity.


Even with experienced submissives having their first scene with you, they do not know you yet. The three basic rules of the scene are Safe, Sane and Consensual. Allowing themselves to be tied up with no means of escape, the first time they play with someone new, who they can not be absolutely certain will not turn out to be a psychopath is neither safe nor sane. As the Dom/me, you should respect this, even encourage it. Again, doing so will make you seem even more experienced as you are encouraging something that others may not even have considered.

This does not mean you can not use bondage. Just consider what forms you use. A blindfold [or other sensory depriving forms] will make for an intense experience but can be pulled off instantly if something goes wrong. A spreader bar on ankles will restrict movement but leave their hands free and they can have it off in seconds if an emergency does come up.

If you want to limit the movement of their hands, finds cuffs that have buckles they can get to and do not lock them. Another symbolic gesture is to tie their hands behind them with a single loop of thin sewing cotton. Breaking it can be made, mentally, in to something they will not let happen, yet can be done incredibly easily if needs be.

It all comes down to finding ways that let you use the aspects of bondage you want to show them, but still keeps things safe and sane until they get to know you and how you "play".

Save Something For Next Time

You do not have to do everything at once. Pick a single concept that you want to show them and lead them through it only so far as they are comfortable with.

If you push them too far, the first time, they will not come back. If you take it just far enough, or even not quite that far, they will probably come back for even more the next time.

By picking a single concept, you can really explore the idea with them, showing them all of the things you know. If you want to show them the joys of a dozen different aspects you will probably find yourself jumping from idea to idea without carrying off any of them particularly well, thoroughly, or stylishly.

Finally, there is the style issue again. By deliberately focusing on one aspect that they find mind blowing in itself, you can tell them at the end of the scene how, the next time, you will show them another equally intense, but different, aspect. That will both encourage them to come back as well as emphasise how knowledgeable you appear.

Come Downs

After their first scene, they will probably be a collection of raging thoughts, chemicals and feelings.

Even more so than when they are "in the scene", where they are focusing on the acts as much as how open they are, they will be at their most vulnerable while they are coming down. Taking the time, holding them, reassuring them, through it, protects them, leaves them with a positive memory of the whole experience and also builds the trust and connection with you intensely. It also saves it from looking as though you got your sexual kick and are now disinterested.

Certainly some of you will prefer to come across as cool and uncaring but for the rest, a little effort made during the come down makes all the difference to the scene. Even if you do want to come across as exceptionally cool and experienced, you can still help them come down as something your apparently great experience has taught you is important.


Certain concepts have come up repeatedly throughout this piece: Build their trust, reinforcing it as often as possible. Reassure them, both through the scene and afterwards as they come down. Do not push too far - their nerves will make their first experience intense enough anyway. Do not worry about showing them everything - you can always hint at what you did not show them. As always, keep things Safe, Sane and Consensual and reassure them by emphasising that.

madiemoon 53F
2090 posts
8/31/2006 8:37 am

a very well thought out and appreciated article. i myself am still new in the lifestyle,(about a year) but have found the One i chose to be with and have placed myself, trust, soul, body, mind, and heart unto Him. thank You for Your post.

DragonWycke replies on 8/31/2006 9:29 am:
Welcome to the lifestyle. madiemoon...I am glad you have found One in whom you can grow and love in your you walk this path, read all you can never learn too


madiemoon 53F
2090 posts
8/31/2006 9:43 pm

thank You DW i will

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