June,,, the month of Fathers  

DizzyKittie81 36F
512 posts
6/1/2006 5:46 pm

Last Read:
7/18/2006 2:06 pm

June,,, the month of Fathers

As we get closer and closer to the 18th of june.... The day dedicated to fathers all around "i think its the 18th" I'm stuck and sadden as i remember this day as the day I no longer have my Dad here on earth.

Fathers day always seemed kinda bad anyways for us. was more like a curse almost. See one year it was "Happy fathers day dad BTW your truck got stolen" next year it was the day my Cat was poisoned and the first time ever i had to deal with a death of a beloved pet. then the following year 99 My dad no longer lived with us, so it was over the phone as my mom did her Mother duty to protect us kids from the abusive man who took over my dad's body.

I dont remember my dad that way. I perfer not to. I perfer to remember him as the man he really was. The man who stayed awake all night and checked on us kids while we were asleep making sure we were ok. The man who couldnt do much, as he was disabled, but did what he could with us. From the little things like watching TV and talking, to playing baseball in the backyard as he would hit the ball and my brother would run for him as my Dad was unable to do that.

As fathers day comes every year It becomes harder and harder for me, as I see the fathers day ballons and flowers and cards go out the store and to a man out there who is called "daddy" It becomes more of a jealousy for me as I go to a grave, sit down next to a tombstone with my Dad's name on it and place some flowers next to it knowing "my dad dont care about flowers he rather have chocolate cake"

As the reality hits that he is no longer alive, and not with me in a pysical form that i would give anything for, all that is left behind are flowers and the tears i cried on a stone that I hate. A stone with a name of my dad in a graveyard where he doesnt belong.

ButteryDelight 59F

6/7/2006 8:03 am

Visiting your blog Dizzy. Nice post and blog.I will have a difficult time on Father's Day too.

Buttery Delight

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