What We Live For...  

Divinitydesires 47F
4872 posts
2/10/2006 1:15 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What We Live For...

I had a chat with a friend a while ago and he told me if it wasn't for his children he would have died. Literally! He would have killed himself. He lives for his children, they are his life. He couldn't bare to leave them fatherless.

Well, needless to say, it made me think.

I have always just lived my life. I have kids, I love my kids and everything I do, I do for my kids. But I do this unconditionally, not because I couldn't live without them... but can I?

I can't. I have tried and it wasn't a pretty sight. I was a broken woman and my daughter was only gone for a month. I could talk to her on the phone, but I couldn't hold her, help her, comfort her, nor teach her. I couldn't look into her eyes for her to see the depth of my love for her. I couldn't be a mother to her. It bothered me greatly and depression started to rear its ugly head.

Thankfully my daugher came home and we are together, but I couldn't live without her or my boys.

So as I thought of my friend I had to agree with him to a point. I live for my children... and if something would ever happen to them (god forbid) I would continue to live but I would search for a new meaning to life. As for me right now, my life and survival are for my children.

If I didn't have them I would wonder...

"What do we live for?"

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
2/10/2006 1:47 pm

I would give my life for my children...and my grandchildren. I think that we have to "live" our life for ourselves. But, if I were ever to think of dying...I would fight to live for them.

rm_indydirtydog 47M
700 posts
2/10/2006 1:51 pm

Nicely put...thank you
I feel the same way about my kids, keeps me in a poor marriage, but it is worth it, to hold them and sing them to sleep at night, make crafts, and all the other fun things we do.

Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......

49AK 56M
1823 posts
2/10/2006 1:53 pm

Imagine not having them in the first place. Imagine wanting them, and not being able to have them.

My partner (who has kids) can't have any more... and we were joking about me wanting kids. I told her that it was extremely unlikely that I (at age 44) would ever have kids, because it would mean that I would at some point in the future have a girlfriend that was twenty-eight.

What's the chance of that!?

crazygurl2xx 58F

2/10/2006 2:05 pm


silkysmoothlegs3 106F

2/10/2006 2:24 pm

I know were your friend was coming from

lovely post babes xxxxxxxxxxx

rm_Ptalk1155 35M
3450 posts
2/10/2006 2:46 pm

I'm only alive because I'm too damned stubborn to die.

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
2/10/2006 3:24 pm

I would be a zombie without my kids or Sail.

Purry {=}



2/10/2006 4:19 pm

I wish more people who don't have kidas at all responded because for me there might be a wide range of interesting answers from them.

Somwhow, so far at least, only people with kids have answered and kids can't obviously be the only naswer to this.

I do understand some what though that those who do not have might feel a little less compelled to answert this at all.

My own reasons in thinking that life is worth living is my enjoyment and active participation in the creative fields of visual arts and music. Those activites and the results thereof are indeed my children. At the age of 17 I had a somewhat of a revelatory epiphany or broad vision of what my lifes work was to be. The continual and non-stop nuturing and development of myself in the visual arts and a and musician.

It now seems that I have committted myself to this endeavor to the exclusion of any form of married life or family life but I never really planned it to work out this way. It has worked out that way on it's own.

There are moments when I am somewhat envious of a married/family type situation but in all truth those moments are few and far between.

For I am one who places extreme value on (and could maybe say that I also live for)

1. long steady periods of time with zero interruption (awesome for good creative productivity)

2. No time clock to punch and essentially the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want.

I also gauge my wealth not in dollar figures but in the amount of free time I have available to me.

And not that you can't have all of those things being married with a family. But in many cases the spouse and family can make having them much more challenging.

I sure hope I'm not the only one who responds to this with a different answer than "kids". And nothing against kids at all but they cannot be the only thing out there that motivates people to want to continue living.

I wonder if simply "the potential to have more sex" is a key enough motivator for anyone. I believe it may have been for me when I was in my teens. And I can't say that it not still operate somewhat in that manner now. Just not to the degree that it did in my teens.


fantasylover_05 63M

2/10/2006 4:28 pm

I too would give my very life for my boys!!

About 15 years ago... I was ready to walk out the door... my son (7 or so at the time) begged and pleaded with me not to leave... my wife sat there saying NOTHING.... I decided at that very moment I would not leave or doing anything about it until both my boys were grown...

I have fulfilled that promise to him that day....

My oldest son graduated college this past spring and my younger one is a junior in college.....

And so I have begun to live again.... which has brought me to you all here................

firestarter665 44M/40F

2/10/2006 4:57 pm

I live for my kids. I live for the love and support of my husband. I live for my parents, who are currently going through some tough times. I live for me.

I have a friend who lost his son at 4 years old due to a brain tumor. I saw first hand what he went through and would not wish this on anyone else. He still lives his life, but not nearly the same as when he did when his son was alive.

We, as parents, do whatever we need to for our kids. Love them, cherish them. You never know what life has in store for anyone.

peaches19555 62M

2/10/2006 5:47 pm

I sit here and force myself to imagine my life after such a tragedy as loosing my kids, and find I would survive. However my heart would become as much callus as comfort. If my wife should die there is no certainty.

hooks1952 65M

2/10/2006 6:37 pm

There must be no greater love than a parent for their siblings , it even shows up in animals and is undeniable and there are so many people that are in denial for some reason that I can not understand.


goldinboy2 61M

2/10/2006 9:22 pm

I have no children of my own, I guess God wanted me not to or just be there for other's I have a step son he's 20 now but I pretty much raised him for 10 years, most of my friends kids call me "uncle" I think its pretty cool. I miss that part of life you know not having any of my own. So I live for life for God for family for them for me.
Ride hard live fast.

F1reman6969 51M

2/10/2006 10:37 pm

sadly, i have no children or wife as a driving force....

maybe it's my pursuit of spiritual growth that drives me....

i'm not sure.

day by day....

UnpinAfireFaust 58M

2/10/2006 11:21 pm

My daughter will turn 20 in two weeks and unfortunately...she is in the States and I am in Germany. Over the years, I have missed more of her "growing pains" than I have had the pleasure of experiencing. Seeing the look of absolute horror on her face when I told her I going to be cleaning my shotguns the day she was bringing her new boyfriend by for me to meet...is one of my favorites. There is a place in my heart and mind that is only her's. It's a place I can go when things get tough or at times when I need to "feel" her near. Needless to say, a great many memories and images are stored there. Can it ever replace actually being with her? Never. But when it's all you have.....

Because of my Best Friend , I am able to get a "kid fix" from time to time. When her children are in my care, I treat them as if they are my own. And it's not just because of the deep love I have for her. I can't remember the last time that the Angel didn't come running and jumped at me the minute she caught sight of me. Something like that tends to give me a boost even on my worst day. And the two heathens seem to enjoy having me around...especially when I am willing to take an interest in what they are doing when others won't.

The trust and love of a child...really adds something to life.

forlornedlust 54M
33 posts
2/11/2006 2:03 am

The purpose of existence is not to make a living, but to make a life. Jack Palance said it all in City Slickers, you have to find the one thing important to you.

Whether it is family, work, hobbies or children....whatever, if it gives your life meaning and purpose, it will sustain you.

Like most Dads, I live vicariously through the successes and achievements of my kids. However, despite the fact that I would give my life, without question, to save them from harm does not make them the most important thing in my life. My Life, hence me, myself and I would be who I could not live without! To maintain a good balance in life, self awareness is vital and all the people who give everything they have to their kids, do not have balance. I strive to let my kids make their own mistakes and have independence so started letting go a little on all in 6th grade.

Our so-called cornucopia kids generation (where we give them everything we ever had or didn't have or thought we should have....) has lots that are a little too self-important. You can't give kids run of the house and carte blanche by letting them know they are ALL Important to you or else self-entitlement and greed and power struggles evolve. Then you could possible grow tired of them....especially after they tell you what a loser parent you are or whatever! You decide they aren't all important leaving a void in your values so inevitably you have a reality trip and a mid-life crisis. After lavishing gifts and cars on yourself, balance is achieved temporarily until all the bills come due at least! No matter, where you go, there you are!

bardicman 51M

2/11/2006 3:29 am

I continue to live on for me. For the smiles I can bring to someone elses face when they need one. For the possible affect I can have on making this world a better place for everyone.

I love my children dearly but I am not going to put the weight of my life in their hands. No, I work for them, I work in order to provide them the necessities and wants that they have but I live for me.

I am not dead yet

Cowboy_Deluxe 39M

2/11/2006 5:08 am

I live for each day.

Also to what you said, I know a woman that does stake her condition of life because of her kids. I do agree that kids are important but that is taking it a bit far.


elysianpleasure 49M

2/11/2006 7:07 am

I know the feeling... I do live for my kids!!! But it is important we all find purpose beyond them both for them and for ourselves. For them... so we can let go and let them live for themselves. For us... so when that time comes our lives still have meaning and purpose.

Your children are lucky to have you!!!!

toothysmile 52M
16517 posts
2/11/2006 10:34 am

what a wondeful post...
thank you babes...

digdug41 50M

2/11/2006 1:20 pm

I live for me.my kids wouldn't be here with out me of course and I love them vey much,but the time goes quickly and they will begin to lead there own lives all I can do is guide them and hope fully its in the right direction they know I am here for them coz no one will love them like I do

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
2/11/2006 3:18 pm

i cannot have them so i don't have this feeling,i live for me ,i wake every day in the hope i can brighten it up for someone,or in the hope each day will improve my life more so my marriage .

I'm a

i'm here to stay

mfrancis67 50M

2/11/2006 3:48 pm

I live for my family mostly my nephews and neices . I got a tattoo of my nephews and neices names on my leg.I have no kids

TripleHARD3 58M

2/11/2006 4:34 pm

Excellent post to gather such a eclectic response. Some say they live for their children; the selfish gene, unconditional luv, both? Is it about u them us? Most if not all would die for their children; would u let your children die for u? Selfish gene, unconditional luv, both? u them us? Those of us without; selfish gene, unconditional luv, both?
u them us? animal human spirit?

2 luv 2 live simple
children and animals who
not where it goes.

rm_set2wait 55M

2/11/2006 6:42 pm

Absolutely lovely post. I felt some of those feelings, too, when I found myself a kind of "uncle" to my daughter, after my divorce and only having visitation rights. I found myself asking myself what's the point when my daughter is no longer really mine. In the end, however, I found that I was lucky. My daughter's mother loves her dearly and that at the very least I have some brief happy moments with my girl. That sustained me even in my darkest moments.

I know that you, too, love your children fiercely. Perhaps that's all that matters since even this long moment will also someday pass, the children will grow up and find their own lives to live. Live in the closeness and warmth of your friends and family but live for yourself as well.

dreaming4u1955 63M
26 posts
2/11/2006 8:14 pm

Very heart wrenching stories and replies Divinity. I find it hard to hold back the tears. Being an "empty nester" and also an experiencer of divorce, I understand a lot of the feelings expressed. I welcome those who may wish, to visit my thoughts on my own page. I do not offer to cure all the worlds ills but there may be something there that may click with someone.

For myself now, I seem mostly to exist for myself. My kids are grown and on their own. They don't need me as much as they used to. I had to find for myself a sense of "purpose". Without purpose, there does not seem much reason to exist. When "you" can realize that you have something to offer, no matter what it is, "purpose" enters your life to give it meaning. Time and circumstance have brought me to this place and I will offer what I can. It is a matter of individual choice on whether or not to act on anything that is presented before us. But for heavens sake, "Do Something"! Even if it turns out not to be right, learn and grow from the lessons and keep going.

"YOU CAN" live without your children and "YOU MUST". The older of us must pave the way for those to come after us. "We" are the gatekeepers to the future generations. Let us not fail them and do the best we can to see that they can have a brighter future. We have more knowledge and experience and it's not so easy to pull the wool over our eyes.

So in essence, to answer your question, "What do we live for?", I think I would have to say it is "purpose". Find purpose and meaning in your life and you will continue to exist as long as your vehicle can sustain you. If we are to die anyway, "LET'S GIVE'EM HELL BEFORE WE GO"!!!

egyptian20052 46M
41 posts
2/12/2006 8:05 am

that's looks like man makes his life or groups draw man's future

forlornedlust 54M
33 posts
2/25/2006 2:18 am

Double D, uh err, I mean Divinity Desires, what should I do with a couple decade dilemma of perfect EVERYTHING except frequencey of copulation. Gosh, that sounds so shallow but sadly, she could get by with sex 6 or 7 times a year. I swear, I am her rock and inspiration and can give her multiple pleasure whenever our busy lives allow any rest and recuperation from hectic lifestyle--otherwise the bed wins!!! I guess I can wait another 8-10 years until last of kis gone and life is but as dream but jeez...it has been two decades already. SO will always accomodate my needs and desires but after decade of feeling vile and insensitive for forcing myself nightly, I quit out of respect. Took care of myself with fantasies of real women lusting (privatexxx.o*g) all over the world for several years and then caved to allowing SO to manually pleasure me and now that seems cheap. I want the real thing, lust and passion. I have the perfect EVERYTHING but sex What would you do! Nothing will ever increase her libido short of meds and she refuses. We are soulmates and share everything and the sum extent of my 15 yhears of saying I want more is that she is now officially depressed the last few months as she "is not enough" Ughh!!

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