Dear Santa...  

DTand5Speed 42M/51F
201 posts
12/4/2005 7:00 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

Listen you fuckin fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back time!!

There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like an underpaid hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro shoved up your ass?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably something in lace. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!

3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that damn wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, damn you, make us anatomically correct. The bigger the penis the better.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. Do him, then dump him.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just do it!! My back can't take any fuckin more!

6. A jog-bra to wear until I get the surgery. Leather is nice.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!! There are brains behind the blonde and boobs. You better start fuckin appreciating it!

8. A new persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. Don't even consider a "12-Step Barbie." I need the booze to get through the holiday shit.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. Let Ronald's fairy ass eat the fries.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years. I deserve it!

Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,

SibylBatchAxile 44M
384 posts
12/4/2005 7:21 am


rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
12/4/2005 7:27 am

And for Christ's sake a decent car, whats up with the damn pink paint job. How bout a 06 cherry ass red Mustang?

slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
12/4/2005 8:06 am

She also needs an AdultFriendFinder she can blog.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

rm_lickmepretty 52F
851 posts
12/4/2005 8:24 am


DTand5Speed 42M/51F

12/4/2005 5:00 pm

I thought so, too...

DTand5Speed 42M/51F

12/4/2005 5:02 pm

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    And for Christ's sake a decent car, whats up with the damn pink paint job. How bout a 06 cherry ass red Mustang?
Oh! You have great taste! I've had my eye on the new GT's for awhile. Stuck between that and a Jag XJR. I know...easy decision. I have a need for speed...

DTand5Speed 42M/51F

12/4/2005 5:03 pm

    Quoting slidein2meplz:
    She also needs an AdultFriendFinder she can blog.
LMAO Slide...yes, she does.

DTand5Speed 42M/51F

12/4/2005 5:03 pm

Glad you enjoyed.

DTand5Speed 42M/51F

12/4/2005 5:05 pm

    Quoting womenlooking4fun:
    ROFLMMFAO...not just my fucking ass,my motherfucking ass......thank you for sharing.....

    I hope Sizzle is not drinking anything when he reads this......


kyplowboy22 62M

12/4/2005 6:53 pm

progressively funny, DT. Later


Become a member to create a blog