Chatroom Characters  

2208 posts
10/9/2005 11:35 am

Last Read:
4/21/2006 3:15 pm

Chatroom Characters

Greetings and salutations, y'all!

When I started getting online, I used to frequent various chatrooms. I would actively participate in some and lurk in others just to see what they were about.

Although I don't have the time (or inclination) to spend every free moment I have in chatrooms, I still visit from time to time.

There was a time when I was seriously addicted. Despite that, I can't say that the time spent online was a total waste. I learned all of the chat acronyms and improved my typing speed. Who says you don't learn anything from endless hours of being on the internet?

Recently, I started logging into the Maryland/Virginia area chatroom. (In my humble opinion, there should be subgroups of the rooms because Maryland and particularly Virginia are big, friggin' states. It's a bummer when you click with someone and they live 236 miles away.)

Since I started visiting the room, I have occasionally encountered guys that have sent me emails which is very cool. I prefer to talk to someone in real time instead of doing the back-and-forth email dance. You can tell a lot a person when you're having a spontaneous conversation. There is also the added bonus of having questions answered right away.

I've been pleasantly surprised by some guys and the nicest way to describe some of the others is to consider them bullets dodged. I'm sure people have felt the same way about me, so we're even.

The most interesting thing about chatrooms is the variety of people there. People who might normally hang out together are all in one room. Groovy. There are always new folks to meet, new stories to be told and new friendships to be made.

Conversely, there are also the same types of people in chatrooms no matter which ones you go into. (I'm talking about general rooms and not specific ones geared toward fetishes or sexual orientation.)

What the heck am I talking about? I thought you'd never ask!

On my recent visits to the local chatroom, I've encountered the following cast of characters. Sometimes one or two of them are there and sometimes they're all there. At any rate, some of them may be familiar to you.

Mr. Making an Offer Everyone Refuses
This guy wants to give his goodies to each and every woman that crosses his electronic path regardless of age, race, marital status or body type. He then wonders why no one is interested. (He only wonders this for about two seconds, because he's back at it again when the next woman logs into the room.)

The Oh-Woe-Is-Me Person
This person schlepps into the chatroom and regales everyone hard-luck stories and an outlook on life that rivals Eeyore. The kinder souls in the chatroom then take it upon themselves to try to offer support and make Woe feel better. Here's the catch: Woe doesn't want that. Woe wants your undivided attention and will often hint darkly that life just isn't worth living, logging out in a dramatic fashion ("Goodbye forever!" ). The less jaded chatroom folks panic. They wonder if anyone knows Woe "in real life", worry because they haven't seen Woe online all day and consider having the police called. Then later on or the very next day, Woe is back to start the process all over again.

The Socialites
Have you ever sat looking at a chat screen bored out of your skull because a group of people are doing their party planning online? I don't mean trying to schedule a meet and greet or private event. I mean people that know each other offline and could easily do something crazy like pick up a phone and call each other.

The Lesbian Converter
This guy figures that all a woman looking for another needs is a session with his throbbing, manly, bigger than average (ten online inches, minimum) magic wand. What he is actually doing is embarrassing the hell out of the other men in the room that know better, strengthening the woman's desire for another woman and making the straight ladies consider playing for the home team instead of dealing with the likes of him.

Bitter Chick
Bitter Chick has been done wrong by some man (or two...or three) and the whole chatroom hears about why she is now the way she is. Sometimes she'll blow her stack at some unsuspecting guy that made the mistake of saying something she didn't like. If all men are jerks and pigs, why would you want to hang around them, even online? Seriously. From what I've been able to determine, there are always more men in the chatrooms than women.

Mr. Charm
This guy boldly marches into the chatroom and will ask to have his cock sucked or perhaps tell everyone he's looking for a woman with "big tits" or that he has a hankering for "black pussy". Last night a guy was asking for "a white woman to lick and fuck". Mmm. Classy. Oddly enough, these guys seems genuinely surprised that the women aren't lining up to offer up the booty.

The Recently Hooked-Up Couple
Yeah, it's cool that you found each other, got together and had amazing sex. Y'know, the rest of us don't want to read all about it. Besides which, shouldn't you be offline and screwing instead of boring the chatroom with your crazy tantric chandelier sex antics? Come on, now.

THIS ROOM SUCKS (a.k.a. Whiny) Guy
This guy makes absolutely no attempt to join in the conversation or offer a topic for discussion other than remark that no one is talking to him. When his pouty comments are ignored, he offers his overused farewell statement (in all caps) as a parting shot to the room. Bye, dude. Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

The "Reluctant" Babe
She logs into the chatroom with a profile covered in sexy pics. When the guys all cyber-stampede to beg for a tiny bit of her attention and to tell her how gorgeous she is, she acts like she's shocked that anyone would find her lingerie and semi-nude shots the slightest bit appealing. Girl, please.

The Joker
If there's a bad joke to be told or an eye-rolling pun to be shared, this guy is sitting ready at his keyboard to fire another one into the crowd. He can be extremely amusing or beyond annoying, depending on your perspective.

Good for you that your company put you up in a large, comfy suite with that king-sized bed that you're just dying to put to good use! I personally don't know anyone that's spoken to a stranger in a chatroom for ten minutes and felt compelled to go to his hotel room. I suppose there are women willing to do that, but you have to pay them. You may want to consider skipping the chatroom and consulting the Yellow Pages.

People generally log into chatrooms to, well, chat. Not about anything specific, mind you. Most people just want to pass a little time pleasantly. Oh no! This is not acceptable. Buzzkill will do things like start a political debate or ask serious philosophical questions which will allow him or her to share their long-winded opinions. More often than not, it ends in a boring argument between Buzzkill and the one or two people in the room that can't let the subject go.

Drunky and/or Stoney
You are sooooo high, but still find enough time in your busy schedule to log in and tell everyone just how high you are. Yeah. That's cool. Really.

Looking For Instant Gratification Guy
This dude comes into the room and gives everyone his stats (height, weight and penis size). He does this repeatedly to no avail. Then The Inevitable Question-- "Does anyone really hook up in here?" When he doesn't get the answer he wants, he morphs into THIS ROOM SUCKS (a.k.a. Whiny) Guy.

Those were the people that instantly came to mind when I sat down to write this post and I'm sure there are more that I missed somehow. Several of these characters were in the chatroom just last night. There's no doubt that some of them are in there now--probably still wearing the clothes they had on yesterday. ("Damn! I forgot to go to bed for the past two nights!" )

If you have more characters to add to the list, go for it!

As always, I invite any comments you may have.

I showed you mine, so you need to show me yours. I meant opinions you cheeky thing!

hourglasses 48F

10/9/2005 6:52 pm

Let me introduce myself .... I'm the formerly Bitter Chick.

BenefitsFriend69 58M/61F

10/9/2005 9:19 pm

I can't stop laughing! Thanks DC. Not only are you intelligent and hot, you crack me up! You now have a new fan. I've seen them all in there. The hotel guy one made me laugh the most. Open the Yellow Pages! ha ha!!

I'll add one: The Lurker. Logs into the chat room, sees what women are there, clicks their profile, sends an email saying "I saw you in the chat room, remember me?"


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
10/9/2005 11:03 pm

Thought you were channeling vintage Joni Mitchell there for a minute.

Same Situation from Court and Spark

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

Efilnikufecin69 48M

10/10/2005 1:34 am

What about Hook, line and sinker?

These are the peole who are logged into the chatroom and ONLY post a link to their webcam show which in the end turns out to be a sex site, where if you are lucky, a dialer didn't just start tabbing up your phone bill into a monsterous mound of numbers! I thought that it was illegal on AdultFriendFinder to advertise, so who's controlling that?


tillerbabe 57F

10/10/2005 1:37 am

Hilarious! LMAO!.... I don't "go" into chatrooms.......too much for my "little" brain..thank you for your "visit" me dammit! {=}

dasher121 37M

10/10/2005 7:21 am

Great stuff DC, def have come across all of those characters online and even some by email haha! I tried the chat rooms for a quick minute and just couldnt click with it. I wonder which one i am now? hmmm.


10/10/2005 7:52 am

LOL!!! I think that you just mentioned all of the reasons why I don't go into the chat rooms especially the ones on AdultFriendFinder!

rm_pchamp012004 57M
2672 posts
10/10/2005 11:39 am

Tried it a couple of times, seemed like to much time spent for too little (no) return.

What about webcam guy?

This is the guy in every room that announces in bold text "Any girls want to webcam?"

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:15 pm

HG -

That's cool.

Many moons ago, I was one half of a Recently Hooked Up Couple. I'm not going to say a word about you.

I didn't discuss our sex life, but when I think back and remember the lovey-dovey stuff, I just wanna hurl.

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:21 pm

BF -

Thanks for the compliments. Let me take the opportunity to tell you that you sure are purdy. You're making me blush (and that is not an easy thing given my chocolately coating).

You're definitely right about The Lurker. When I get those sorts of emails I alwayws wonder why the hell they didn't say anything earlier! LOL

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:29 pm

1hotwahine -

I know audiophiles everywhere will chase me with torches and pitchforks, but I'm not a huge Joni Mitchell fan.

I'm not sure I should say this, but not being sure has never stopped me before: I have never, ever liked a single Bob Dylan song!

I had better duck and run before the Dylan fans join the Mitchell throng. LOL

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:32 pm

Efiln -

I'm amazed that people still fall for the Hook, Line and Sinker trick.

I mean how many horny, lonely, slutty wives with neglectful husbands can there possibly be?

Remember the old saying that if something looks like it's too good to be true, yaddayaddayadda...

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:33 pm

Tillerbabe -

Well, if you're going to show me your butt like that, it would be rude not to visit.

Be right there.


1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:36 pm

Dasher -

From what you described, you are definitely showing some Lurker tendencies.

Sometimes it's better to lurk. You get into less trouble that way.

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:41 pm

Just -

Come on...admit it.

Now that you read this stuff, you're tempted to go into one of the rooms, aren't you? LOL

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:44 pm

TomEboy -

Thanks so much for your kind words.

You should just lurk in one of the chatrooms one day just for the heck of it.

You get to read some hilarious stuff, most of which is unintended. LOL

1586 posts
10/10/2005 12:45 pm

Pchamp -

Man, how did I forget Webcam Guy???

Besides asking women if they want to cam, sometimes he'll say something no one's heard before like, "Stroking here" or "Cock on cam".

Thanks for visiting.

Heartnsoul768 54M  
362 posts
10/10/2005 1:57 pm

DCE .... What about the guy who spells 1/3 of his typed words incorrectly? Usually takes about 5 minutes to figure if he's not a good typer, or just plain stupid.

1586 posts
10/10/2005 4:22 pm

Heartnsoul -

Perhaps if they tried typing with both hands instead of having one down their pants, their accuracy would improve. LOL

dasher121 37M

10/11/2005 8:57 am

Ahhh you mean dude with the bowtie?? Yikes, yeah guess ill lurk then

1586 posts
10/11/2005 10:59 am

Dasher -

Don't forget to wear your "cinema trousers".

(For those of you that don't know what those are, they're a pair of pants with the pocket cut out on the inside so that a guy can, know...)

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
10/11/2005 2:23 pm

LMAO! Great post DCE!

When I first logged onto the internet in the early 90's, I spent a lot of spare time in chat rooms. I saw every one of those types of folks that you mentioned. Ugh. I soon became disillusioned with the entire biznis and left chat rooms, never to return. I see that after 15 yrs. nothing has changed.

PS: what about the ROOM MOTHER? The one who is there everytime you log on no matter the day or time? The one who controls everything and in whose good graces you better be if you wish to become "popular" with the other roomies? Jeesh.

1586 posts
10/11/2005 3:52 pm

Keith -

However could I forget the Room Mother?

In the DC/VA chat room, the Room Mother and Buzzkill are at each other's virtual throats.

I guess if I had to pick sides, I'd have to go with Room Mother to remain in her good graces and because I think Buzzkill is an ass.

What the hell they're fighting for is beyond me.

keithcancook 61M
17930 posts
10/14/2005 5:40 pm

Attention is what they are fighting for...

1586 posts
10/15/2005 6:40 am

Keith -

I think they should meet offline and just duke it out.

Room Mother: I hate you!
Buzzkill: Yeah? Well, I hate you more!

Then they'll stand glaring at each other for few seconds.

Then they realize, much to their mutual horror, that they're turned on.

Clothes will be shed, sex will be had and then the two of them will become the newest Recently Hooked Up Couple.

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