Blog Name Change/Question for the Men  

2208 posts
3/23/2005 7:47 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Blog Name Change/Question for the Men

Due to yesterday's technical difficulties, I wasn't able to post.

I hit "Add" and I guess the server was slow because the post just sat there. I tried to resubmit a couple times but me being "She of Little Patience" meant that I wasn't about to stick around all night.

In addition to maybe not being able to post from time to time, it occurred to me that I might have anything to ramble on about on a daily basis. Hence, the name change. LOL

Now that that is out of the way, I have a question for the guys that have met women from the AdultFriendFinder site. What do you think made you successful?

The reason I'm asking is because I have a couple of male friends (one married, one single) on this site that are really getting discouraged. They're my friends so I can't date them. LOL

Their profiles look great, they've posted clean pictures and they're genuinely nice guys. Neither guy is getting much response to any email they send out and no one seems to be looking at their profiles.

They keep asking me is what they're doing wrong. I don't know, so I'm opening the floor.

Feedback, please. : )

1 post
3/23/2005 9:50 am

I have the same problem DC my name is mike my profile pic isn't clean but I'am by the way DC I'am in DC this week would love to take you out get at me if your interested and you be the judge.

G legend

sportyfun56 107M

3/23/2005 10:35 am

I sound like your friends.. lol... Much of the same "lack of contact" issues that they are having, I still have. However, having said that, I have met ladies and have made a number of good friends and some that are pursuing me for other things.

How I've gotted over the lack of e-mail response and looks at my profile is that I've gotten out in the system. I've become active in chat rooms, discussion groups, and blogs. That allows me to meet ladies and "see" them speak. It also allows them to ladies to see me. I'm extroverted so I'm usually willing to share an opinion on a subject or make a comment. It doesn't hurt that I have a sense of humor and ladies always like to laugh. From that I have received more profile looks and e-mails than I would have ever gotten waiting for ladies to find me on a search. And once you can get someone into IM chat you can cut through the BS and find out about someone. And vice versa.

So that is my suggestion to your friends. If they have good profiles and are otherwise "attractive" they just need exposure to good ladies. They can get that by participating in the right chats, discussions, etc.

good luck to them.... and you.

mygmyg 60M

3/23/2005 10:37 am

DCEbony, enjoy your blogs very much. I, like your friends, wonder sometimes how to generate more interest/views from the ladies on the site.
The blog/comments have generated a steady growth in the number of views on my profile. I have also been fortunate to receive emails from both the writer of the blogs and ladies who read the comments. Several from in my area, so you might suggest they peruse the blogs and comment on the subjects or questions posed by the wonderful lady bloggers. Informative, interesting and fortunately for all of us, it gives us "exposure" outside the profiles!

mnfun952 103M

3/23/2005 10:53 am

Tell your friends to have fun and enjoy writing to and chatting with people. Tell them not to expect anything and tell them to be nice, respectful and honest. Then, when they least expect it, they will end up hitting it off with someone in particular, meet and the rest (as they say) is history. Tell them to get blogs and to post pictures to their profile and above all can't wait for people to come to you...especially if you are a man, ESPECIALLY if you are a married man. I hope this helps!


IPman 62M
313 posts
3/23/2005 11:24 am


I had to send out a ton of email. It is frustrating and it does take some time/work, but I think its worth it.

rm_str8mmf 46M/51F

3/23/2005 11:59 am

well.... what are their handles? You could advertise for them in your blog. Maybe if they start blogging and post some interesting posts, that could get them somewhere.

rm_azeotropic 64M

3/23/2005 2:43 pm

I've been lucky enough to make 3 contacts. Two were successful. One not. These were face to face meetings and in the case of the 2, more. The one unsuccessful face to face later said she backed out when she saw how nice I acted. She apparently needed an agressive approach. All 3 meetings came from open and respectful dialogue prior to setting a meeting time. It apprears 66% of the time don't be pushy.

Scorpio4U57 64M/60F

3/23/2005 3:18 pm

Perhaps I'm wrong, but most of the users on AdultFriendFinder appear to be men, including couples, i.e., the man in the couple is primarily doing the AdultFriendFinder "cruising". So, I think it's probably a numbers problem. However, I'm sure if the men in question were young hunks, it probably would help there chances. Let's hear from the guys who think they are young hunks...are you getting many "hits"?

2lazy2p69 71M  
527 posts
3/23/2005 3:55 pm

There is so many men on AdultFriendFinder that women do not have to look to hard to find what they are looking for, thus some of the very best qualified men hardley are given a chance.

2 posts
3/23/2005 4:42 pm

Wish I could help you, I've never had luck on this site or any other. If you find out what the secret is...let me know.

zenyen 67M

3/23/2005 9:07 pm

OK, DC- I've had some success - I've met with 3 couples and 2 women in 2 years, 3 months. I've covered a lot of this stuff in my blog if you or they want to read it. What made me successful? Persistence and improving my odds. I have also been really discouraged. That's not atypical for men here. OK, I'll take your word that their profiles look great. They have nice pictures. What about the emails they send out - have you reviewed any of them? Well, let's assume they read the profiles and send out nice personal emails. How many have they sent? I've sent hundreds and hundreds. I get maybe 2-4 responses per hundred. That includes the ones who aren't interested. Let's say 1 in 4 - usually if they aren't interested, you just don't hear anything. Of the remaining 3, 2 will not respond again after the first time. That leaves 1 to meet. And I've been lucky that only 1 woman out of all the people I've met has said no. Early on I browsed the states around me and found out that there are about 11 or 12 men to every woman. I also discovered that the odds are better - about 7 to 1 - for men looking for couples. So I improved my odds by contacting couples, also figuring a woman would feel safer meeting someone with her husband/boyfriend than she would alone. Once again, improving my odds. I broadened my searches to increase my prospects - travel farther, wider age range, less restrictive on body size, etc. Being married like one of your friends and being upfront about that decreases my odds, I'm sure. But probably not nearly as much with couples as with single women. Almost nobody looks at my profile or emails me unless I do so first. And that means once, MAYBE twice in all that time. I'll bet they're even doing better than I am. Am I right? Women don't seem to get too excited about short little old men. I'll bet they're younger, taller, and better looking. I wasn't the quarterback of the football team, the movie star, the hunk - but he's a persistent little bastard. Eventually someone says yes. So what are they doing wrong? I don't know. Probably nothing. Except maybe giving up.

1586 posts
3/24/2005 9:40 am

Thanks, guys!

The response to this post is a lot better than I expected.

There isn't anything "wrong" with their profiles, but the man to woman ratio on this site definitely isn't to their advantage.

I can say with certainty that the emails they send out to ladies are always in good taste but I think the problem may lie in the sheer number of emails that some of the women get.

I don't for a second claim that I'm a candidate for Miss Universe (too short and old, among other things) but unless I'm immediately engaged by what is being said in an email, they tend to blend together after awhile.

From what I'm reading here, I think the key to eventual success is persistence and participating on the site more.

Regarding the suggestion that I "advertise" for them, I don't think they'd appreciate it somehow. Besides which, they are big boys and need to take care of business themselves. LOL

Neither of them knows that I took this little research project on, actually. I'm hoping that they'll look at the suggestions that everyone made and adjust their approaches accordingly. If they don't, then I'll have to insist that they do. LOL

You're all lovely for weighing in on this.

(In closing, I would SO date some of you.)

16 posts
3/24/2005 12:36 pm

My experiences are not of the same value of others: due to distance I'm not directly a date for next weekend for most ladies on AdultFriendFinder. Anyhow, it may sound strange but I became member on the 'classic' FF too, and I've met more people there, with not only clean chatting or just drinking coffee meetings.

I believe most men are just too direct in what they want. OK, we all know what this is about, but is it really necessary to give anatomic details of performances in a first contact?

rm_chucka95 60M

3/24/2005 1:26 pm

I just looked at my profile views. I'm at about 400--not bad for a middle-aged guy without the spectacular body. I've seriously met about a dozen women in the past year and had straight-out offers for sex from probably 10 others. Now when I say meet--that doesn't mean I have sex with them. I'm picky! LOL. The BEST way for men to meet women on this site is the chat rooms. It's my belief that a good personality is worth a LOT more than the killer body and you can demonstrate that in the chat rooms. Since it's about a 10-1 ratio of women to men, women here are CONSTANTLY bombarded by e-mails. I have one female friend who has gotten more than 3-thousand e-mails. I'm sure DCEbony can attest to how many she's gotten. How can you possibly wade through all that? The chat room is also a good way to find out about "Meet and Greets" or as I jokingly refer to them--"Hands on Glands." Every region has them--it's a low-pressure way for people to meet and out here in Socal, we probably have anywhere from 30-100 people at the parties--with a ratio of probably 60-40 men to women. It's also a place for women to "check you out" in public to make sure you're not a psycho. Between the chat room and the parties--your friends will have more opportunities than they can handle.

rm_chucka95 60M

3/24/2005 2:05 pm

P-S. I've had ZERO responses from people that I've e-mailed without having talked to them first. And I DON'T e-mail dick pics or send crude, suggestive e-mails.


3/25/2005 4:19 am

Won't repeat those things already mentioned; will just add that it also helps to target your inquiries. For example, some women on AdultFriendFinder are looking for mindless, no-strings sex; others want more of a connection outside the bedroom. Some post raunchy pics of themselves and request (even demand!) the same, while others are have profiles that indicate that they are receptive to less explicit introductions. Some women have profiles that indicate that they are witty and humorous; others are terse, direct and to-the-point. Not sure of your friends' profiles and the type of individuals they are, but they might have better luck approaching like-minded women. Using such a strategy, since I've joined in December, I've met about a dozen people and became friends with about half of them. Not sure if that's good, bad or average for guys in the DC area, but that’s my experience. Finally, I would advise them not to take any lack of responses personally. Even intelligent, attractive, nice guys (like . . . I don’t know . . say, for example . . .ME) don’t always get responses from people to whom they send introductions (like . . . I don’t know . . say, for example . . .an attractive, intelligent, seemingly like-minded, local blog writer). ; )

PailsDiverHonks 57F

3/25/2005 7:04 am

As one of your loyal followers when I read this blog at first I didn’t think you would get many comments. I was surprised when I saw the amount of comments you did get.

I kept my thoughts to myself to see what this post would generate; not only that I can read and I saw it was directed to the men.

Now that the men have spoken I feel more comfortable putting in my two cents or as some of the emails we get would say, my 2sence.

If this counts I am with what a majority of these men said.

Participate! Since I started posting my blogs and leaving comments in other people’s blogs I have gotten a better idea of the person’s personality and they get a better idea of mine. A lot more then what an email or profile shows. Chat rooms scare me so I wouldn’t use those to meet someone. I scan my winks and read the profiles of some of them but I have never sent one back. I am 100% with what “jcmoguy35”and “azeotropic” said. Try to get to know someone a bit before you ask about the sex/meeting/etc and keep the dialog open and respectful.

I want to ad something you said, After reading the comments I am with you "I would SO date some of you"

bigblk2011 72M  
85 posts
3/26/2005 4:08 pm

When you got the answer let me know

Bigblk bjp

Skip69Fun 67M

3/27/2005 5:42 pm

I have experienced about a 5% reply to all messages over a 6 year period. I always appreciate ANY reply, even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. Ignoring a message from someone who takes time to write is just downright RUDE. Some people obviously think they're too good, too good looking, or whatever, to reply to a guy who sends a sincere message. It's just the nature of AdultFriendFinder. I don't think you can do anything about it really but chalk it up to people being self centered and without manners.

hereforyou6217 44M
912 posts
3/28/2005 7:38 pm

Huh. I've been on the site for just a few weeks now, and I have to say that I'm really glad I came across this post. It really explains a lot. I try to write targeted emails, and definitely am willing to spend a long time with a reply if the person's profile really moves me to do so. I've got a healthy inbox size, and I'm moving toward 50 views, but I was starting to get a little discouraged. That is, I was until I read this thread. It seems that I'm going about things the right way, I just need to be a little more patient. Thanks, guys, for the encouragement.

TakesTeatsStood 51M
505 posts
3/30/2005 6:53 am

Chiming in a bit late here...... my 'stats' - I have sent out about 75 e-mails, had 89 views of my profile and met 4 women (MET - didn't say had sex with- lol).

It does take time and work. Read the profiles, know who you are writing to, and cross your fingers. One person I met didn't reply to my initial e-mail (but did view my profile), so I wrote back a week later asking for feedback, what didn't she like in my profile? She wrote back he reasons, I replied and we met for lunch a week later.

The numbers just really work against the men. Not that I envy women sometimes for all the bs they have to put up with... but there are days I do!!

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