Do & Don't want to try  

Curious_hubbie 50M
12 posts
3/26/2006 12:17 am

Last Read:
7/6/2006 4:32 pm

Do & Don't want to try

So... here's the reality.

I am happily married. LOVE women. Never been attracted to men.

About two years ago now, I remember realizing as I was surfing for internet porn... that I really enjoyed watching straight-porn cumshots. I loved watching women getting it (willingly) in their mouths, on their face, on their chest, ass, pussy... watching them jerk a guy off. LOVED seeing the cumshot. Then I realized... it was really about seeing the cumshot... not the woman.

I then started searching for all kinds of cumshots... gang, facial, cream-pie... you name it. I started to get results from my search of guys stroking their own... just masturbating... and STILL, I thought the cumshots were intriguing.

I began to - hmmm, I don't want to say "worry", because it sounds negative - but I began to "question" if I had closet "homosexual" tendancies. I tried downloading gay porn clips... but to my eventual conclusion, I found that I really did not enjoy watching two guys. It was more of a turn-off. That made me feel a little better, but I was still confused; Why do I like seeing cocks and cum...?

I thought I must be some sort of freak.

So... then I was thinking... well... maybe I am bisexual...(?)
But even that doesn't really resonate with me, because Bi-sexuals are attracted to both sexes. I am not. I find NOTHING about men attractive. I never want to hug or kiss one... never want to do anything involving anal.. giving nor receiving... no interest in seeing their chest, or legs or balls... I just enjoy seeing cocks.

So... that got me to thinking that I must just be "Bi-Curious".

By the way... throughout all this, I am totally in-love w/ my wife and we have a great sex life. I am VERY happy.

I guess I realized I have a curiosity to try touching another cock other than mine. Holding it, stroking it... even sucking it. In my fantasy, the guy is not even relevant... as if he's not there, just the cock. I want to make one cum... I want to try mutual oral... I even fantasize about making one cum w/ my mouth - letting it cum IN my mouth. But I don't think I want to swallow... no interest in that. I'd just like to experience feeling it shooting in & filling my mouth.

Now - Having said that... it seems so odd to me... Two years ago, I'd have said "That means you're gay!"... but after doing some introspective soul searching... I now realize I am NOT gay. I just have a mechanical curiosity to pleasure another cock... NOT the guy.


The big problem is...? I am happily married and love her to death and do NOT want to cheat on her. And yes, to those who try to convince me otherwise, stroking another guy IS cheating. ANYTHING you do of a sexual or romantic nature with another person WITHOUT your partners knowledge and/or consent beforehand IS cheating -especially if you KNOW that her knowledge of it would be upseting to her. THAT is cheating.

Yet, I can't bring myself to tell her. I cannot think of any good that'd come of it. I "kind-of" revealed it to her one night in an obscure and indirect way... but have not come-right-out and mentioned that I want to experience pleasuring another cock.


So... here I remain... surfing through AdultFriendFinder finding other bi-curious guys to chat with - and ALMOST coming close to trying things... MANY times... but ultimately, I find it hard to bring myself to doing it.

Not sure WHY I'm letting this all out right now, but I am glad that I have learned over the past several months that I'm NOT alone and that there are LOTS and LOTS of guys who feel the same way. I get lots of emails from guys listed as "straight" in their profile... I can't even begin to guess how many guys ACTUALLY think about this too, but are too nervous to approach the topic.

Anyhow... it's about 3:15 in the a.m. and I'm tired, but feel free to comment, or tell me how poor of a writer I am.


areola_babey 54F

3/26/2006 5:45 am

I just want to say how brave you are revealing this and putting it all out there! It must feel good to know you are one step closer to revealing your sexual needs and desires. Good luck to you and your inner demons!

rocko1019 67M

3/26/2006 6:03 am

Go to the home page, down in the lower left, there are other sites to join. Check out "Outpersonals". You can automatically join from here. Theres lots of married men exploring there too.

Curious_hubbie 50M

3/27/2006 3:59 am

Thank you for your kind words. It was a bit cathartic but I can't say it was very "brave" since it's still anonymous. Brave would be if I told my wife and others. )
I'm not close to doing THAT yet. Either way, your comments are appreciated. Thank you!

Thanks for the tip... I'll wait, since it costs even MORE money to join THAT site. It's tough enough to pay for THIS one and not follow through. )

Have a great week!

heightsman36 51M  
7 posts
4/15/2006 5:45 pm

You blog is well written and i can see where your coming from. It seems like it would be easy to try it, but i trully know thats not the case. Good luck.

rm_laser4u2 58M
1 post
4/20/2006 6:40 am

Guilt is for weak humans. Never tell: Marriage is a good thing for both and if there are kids, them too. I will wait for your e mail..
Enjoy your cake and eat it too..

GAY1952 70M
2 posts
4/25/2006 11:49 am

I'm gay but think I know where your coming from,I've meet and been with married guys and they do enjoy touching and other things. You have to be able to go at your own speed and meet someone that will stop if you ask them. Good luck in your search...........

syphon58 59M  
9 posts
5/1/2006 8:18 am

wow guy,

i feel your confusion & longing. it's a very intense state your expereiencing. it has to be pretty difficult to know how much u love your wife yet u remain fixated on dicks. i agree with a previous responder who called u "brave", see u may not see that yet, but there r stages to coming to to rerms with what's going on with u. having said that i'm not gonna say i know what's going on, but i suspect that your merely at the beginning of a journey that will morph into several different realities along the way. didn't u say that 3 years ago u would have called someone "gay" who admitted to u what your feeling & admitting now? well who's to say that 3 more years from now u won't be moved or develope an even deeper understanding of yourself?

what i find troubling with your clear & deliberate position on dick verses the man with the dick. u can not stimulate a dick without stimulating the man it belonbgs to. the idea that u want to pleasure the dick, by stroking, licking, sucking, etc... wwell it just doesn't fly dude, because u can't JUST do that without the other. so i find your wanting to hold on to that notion puzzling. okay so u don't find men attractive, u don't want to cuddle, or kiss, but u want to surpass all of that & go right to the highest form of intimacy & stimulation a man can receive by servicing his ultimate pleasure zone.(I MEAN HIS BRAIN VIA, HIS DICK) there's something that's just not fitting there. i swear tis is not a judgement, just something to think about. what if while u were sucking a dick, the man it belongs to wsas thinking all the things u r thinking when someone is sucking your dick? is that something hard to absorb? answering some of these questions for yourself not ME, might be some help n the long run.

further consider what it would be like if all the women u met in your life including your wife, never looked u n the eye, never touched u in a connecting caring way, never show a bit of interest n u as a man. they merely came to u when they wanted to suck your dick. no real connection just your dick in their mouth for 20 mins & then over & out. what would that feel like for u after the first oh..... dozen times? how would u feel as a person, knowing, that everyone u meet has no interest in u other than that flab of skin hanging between your legs, what signal do u get from that?

i don't bring this stuff up to say your wrong or right about where u r. i think u r where u r period. who am i to say where that should be? i just wanted to give u food for thought about why u may be getting such harsh reactions from SOME people.

i'm an attached bi-guy, who has a preference for men, & frankly i don't care what others think about that. i've certainly had my share of doubters too. but u can't live your life for them. u need to live for yourself, i say take your time & discover what u discover, but i also say don't deny yourself what u discover. & if u have a very HARD line on anything then that's where u need to check yourself twice man.

Curious_hubbie 50M

5/1/2006 3:24 pm

Thank you for your reply syphon58.

Well... for me, even though it is incidental that a "man" is being pleased in order to MAKE the cock cum... it is not my objective.

Your description of a woman only being interested in performing oral and not interested in me... that's EXACTLY how I'd want the other GUY to be. ONLY interested in my cock.. NOT me. It TRULY is a mechanical fascination for me. If glory-holes weren't such a mysterious risk, I'd LOVE the anonymity of that experience... BUT... (a) I have no idea where to find one (b) I don't think I could ever feel comfortable not knowing "for sure" that the cock poking-through is 100% disease-free and (c) I just don't think I could get-over the fear and paranoia of trying it in a "known" establishment...

What you describe about it being an empty, shallow experience is EXACTLY what I want. I don't want a connection with the person. I don't want to "get to know them"... I don't want a relationship nor a friendship... I just want to physically make a cock cum in a few different ways. Period. I'd rather the room be dark - I wouldn't want to talk - I don't even want to know the person's name.

I'm no psychologist by ANY means, but I know that I've explored these feelings enough to really understand what it is I want (at least in my fantasy). If a "partner" met up with me and he was just as stand-off-ish towards me... no talking, no eye contact, only interested in my cock and not me... THAT would make me feel 1,000x more comfortable than if he wanted to "talk" first, or look at my other parts (legs, ass, chest, stomach, etc.).

You're right about one thing... who KNOWS how I'll feel 3-years from now...? You say I may develop a deeper understanding. I may ALREADY have a deep understanding. 9-months from now, I may find myself turned-OFF by the very same ideas after trying it two-three times. Who knows...? All I know is, I'm being true to what I feel right now... today... at THIS point in my life. There's no hidden agenda, no deception, no denial... I may be ASHAMED to admit my desires in-public or to friends and family... but I'm not lying to myself.

I take your feedback in the spirit it was intended... not hostile or inflamatory, but genuine expression of help or concern... maybe even curiosity. Thanks for taking the time to articulate your thoughts to me. I appreciate it.

patmegroin3 53M

5/3/2006 2:33 pm

I,m in the same sit. as you. you explained it perfectly. lot,s of fantasys, no strings, masks..want to suck cock. I do,nt know.. just curious,

Hungry946 51M  
4 posts
7/6/2006 4:16 pm

well all I can say is been there done that
always wondered the what if's!!!!! what would it be like to be with another man????? I have always dated woman,had several girlfriends
I love woman but have always been curious about men
I have been BI for years but finally admitted to myself to try it out and after being on this site for over two years there is a lot of us BI guys I was surprised by how many, but even more surprised of how many MARRIED STR8 men I have met, I have no regrets
I have met many, many nice guys who were just as curious as I was.

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