Heart of Glass?  

CuriousKitty675 43F
285 posts
3/20/2006 7:16 am

Last Read:
9/25/2006 5:02 pm

Heart of Glass?

I've been moping around for awhile now. Wondering what I did that was so cosmicaly wrong in a former life that I'm paying for it now with the loneliness I feel. It never seems to fail that I fall for the wrong guy.

Now I don't mean by the bad boy kind of wrong guy. I mean the unavailable kind of wrong guy. Problem is I never know they are already involved with someone when my crush developes. It's not until the crush is firmly established that I find out they have a significant other. And me, not being the home-wrecker type, shy away as soon as I find that out.

Or I'll fall hard for someone that's way too far away for me to ever get to meet. It all feels so hopeless. I see all these happy couples around me and wonder why I'm not deemed worthy by whatever cosmic entity is out there that decides these things to have that myself. I've always dreamed of finding the right one and having that someone to share those sickeningly sweet tender moments with but it's never happened to me. And due to that I've become a rather jaded and somewhat bitter person about the matter entirely. usually this is displayed not with shrewish bitter words and behavior but with biting witt and sarcasm. Using humor to make others laugh and at least be a bit happier even if I can't be.

I don't have low self-esteem. I don't go through life with a frown on my face. I'm not heartless or controling or high maitnence or any of those other things that are seen as such a bother and a put off. I try to help my fellow man. I'm diverse in my interests. Intelligent. Kind. So.....why can't I find someone similar to be happy with? Am I doomed to forever be alone? I like my independance. I don't want someone who has to be with me 24-7. But it would be nice to have someone to hold me now and then. Someone to buy that sweet card for for no reason at all. Someone to pamper on occasion and care for. Someone to dance with to a slow song. Someone to lay my head on thier chest just to hear thier heart beat.

I had a dream the other night about my first love. I know in real life he is married and has children. But in this dream we had ran into each other and had talked like friends, like we were when we parted. Then later in the dream I happened to ask about the family and found out he was getting divorced. It was like instant spark and we were back where we started from and ready to be together.

Now how cruel is that? Give a person like me a dream like that knowing it will never happen. I don't know who I pissed off cosmicaly but they are sure having fun torturing me. The only time I feel love, true love is in my dreams. Never in my waking moments. It's just not right.

ukwildcat1982 35M

3/21/2006 3:40 am

No one is destined to be alone. Just have faith, you'll find that special someone that will treat you like a queen and make all of your dreams come true.

rm_LazandSilk 47M/39F
7 posts
3/21/2006 12:11 pm

I searched for years for the right woman to be with... searched and waited, married and divorced, search and searched and searched for her. Finally, I was sick of it, bitter and resentful about always finding the wrong person (or finding the right one that was 'taken'). Six months later, I wed a young girl I had only known for one month. Didn't reaaly know the first thing about her. Ridiculously foolish. I've been married to her for 9 years in April, and completely blissful.

I am not saying that you should give up or that you should kidnap some poor young soul and make them marry you. I just know that it was a miracle of (insert your own diety here) for me and occurred at the right time, with the right two people, when those two were in their right setting (and a numerous amount of other variables).

I do think the same happens for us all. I don't know if it's predetermined (I am not that divine of a being) or if it's random.

I do believe that one day the same will happen for you. And like presents at Christmas--the package will be different, might have a different bow, may be a different size, may not seem like the present you asked for on dear old Santa's lap...but the card will have your name on it and you'll know it belongs to you =)

rm_waderock 50M
4 posts
9/24/2006 3:35 am

Sometimes things come out of the blue when you least expect it, not so much fate as karma. Keep your chin up, good people are ultimately rewarded and it's up to us to recognize when these events occur. Don't let past events blur your vision, often what is obviously wrong turns out to be what you've been waiting for your whole life...

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