And you are....? WOW!  

Cosmopolitaniac 39F
10 posts
11/20/2005 5:55 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

And you are....? WOW!

I might as well make my second post about my most recent experience with this open relationship. Thank god I've had some time to digest my thoughts on this, cause a week ago, this entry would have been completely different, and probably with alot of the word fuck in it.

For the record, this is my side of the story.

I will start in the beginning. I met John probably a month to a month and half ago. From the time we met, we hit it off. You know when you meet someone and you instantly feel a mental and physical connection? This was one of those rare instances. We soon discovered that we could also be great friends, which is something I am looking for.

For me, I really don't want to take time away from my beloved guy to spend time with less than quality people, so some degree of friendship is a stipulation. I am also a firm believer that the best sexual encounters happen with the people you know something about, and probably not with the Bar Star you met on Friday night and fucked senselessly.

Now with all said and done, I reminisce about the great levels of connection we had. When I touched him, he would melt like butter in a pan, and sometimes, even Shiver. I called him that as a consequence of his insatiable ability to know a great and warm touch when he feels one. Because of his living situation and the "rules" my boyfriend and I constructed for this journey, we spent most of our time out on drives or just hanging out anywhere but in the usual comfort of a home. We both have a love for Madonna that makes me laugh to this day. Nothing is greater than knowing a man that knows all the words to every Madonna song, let alone making a delectable attempt to sing them.

We talked about and shared many things, and both of us looked forward to each other's affection and the many laughs we shared whenever we hung out. In many ways, I felt really carefree when we hung out, so I looked forward to temporarily losing touch with all the responsibilities and pressures that we face as we get older, even for the few hours that we would hang out together.

He loved my tits. Although I never really took it seriously, he said I had a perfect set of tits. These tits of mine have gotten many parties started. I am one of those that can turn an otherwise dull party into a great night, perhaps at my own expense, although I don't think so because I have never felt shame or embarrassment for any antics at a party.

I don't think we were so much about outright fucking as we were about the affection and foreplay. That's what made it so great, no in and out and done, we hit every sense possible with each encounter.

So one Sunday afternoon, he had the house to himself and I went over to hang out. We played with each other and just hung out for a few hours. I was getting myself together, and this is where the story takes a twist.

You know how you've seen those Hollywood movies where the two main characters figure out who each other is and all hell breaks loose? Here it is, live!

As I was getting myself dressed, I looked up and noticed one of those little leather-covered Graduation certificates. I first asked what year he had graduated. *insert small amount of panic here*

My next question was priceless. "Did you happen to know a guy by the nickname of ******?"

He responded, "You mean ******? Yeah, he's one of my closest friends!"

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I would love to have a picture of the expressions on our face when the whole puzzle was put together. What we discovered is that he is great friends with my boyfriend's brother.

We were both in a state of shock, and because I am nothing but honest with my boyfriend, I told him of the situation. After the initial shock wore off, the next two days were consumed with our discussions about the situation. The risks involved, the potential fallouts, the good things, etc. In the end, I got the green light to go ahead with whatever I desired. That's the true beauty of our relationship, we talk things out and form an understanding of each other and continue to grow and move forward. I love this journey for that, if nothing else.

I fought for the friendship with benefits with *John*, and now, not so sure it was worth it all, but the relationship I am in benefited more than anything.

There came a point where *John* said that he wanted "space", as I was all about hanging out once or twice a week and going and doing stuff (like skating, watching the hockey game) and developing the friendship we had both agreed upon.

For me, I've never had a friendship where someone needs "space". Most people need space from girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, parents, or siblings, but if anything your friends are where you go for space. So when he said this, it was almost like he was talking in a foreign language, as there was no real reasoning for it. In hindsight, I am thinking there was more involved emotionally or mentally than I knew about, but since we couldn't talk about anything when everything came to a head, I'll never know.

If someone were to say to me "Hey, I need some space as I don't want to let myself get too emotionally involved", that's something I could completely understand. I am inquisitive, and if I am not told, I am forced to speculate and even analyze. I hate it, but that's the way I am.

*Note to reader: Don't play guessing games with people, tell it straight."

So anyways, thinking okay, he needs space, he's obviously not that into seeing each other very often, I went out to meet someone else. I won't comment on that meeting here, simply because there's really nothing good to say about it.

I thought to myself after the meeting that maybe I need to take a step back, and put this whole "open relationship journey" on hold for awhile and think about it for awhile. I sent *John* an email giving him the heads up that he probably wouldn't see me on MSN all that much, so just to drop me a line once in awhile. My wording of that was probably all wrong to begin with, but whatever, I was trying to keep things simple.

He kept asking and prodding, so one night after way too many martinis, I sent him this email. I didn't come right out and say what had happened with the meeting, but was trying to put the basket of eggs down gently, even just for a short time. I felt there was alot at stake, most importantly a "friendship". With being in this open relationship, I never really know where I fit into people's lives. Let's face it, even if we meet someone that we want to be friends with, most will never treat the people like the people you go and hang out with once a week to drink beer and watch sports or whatever it is you do with your close friends.

Nevertheless, I fully admit I went about the above events all wrong. In retrospect, I probably should have waited until we met up and made my thoughts more clear. It's so easy to misinterpret things electronically. I've learned my lessons about that in a business environment, and try to carry it through in my personal life. It is wise not to communicate electronically when there is any negative emotion involved.

Anyhow, so I could feel this volcano preparing to erupt over the course of last weekend. Back and forth, back and forth electronically. He wanted space, I wanted a compromise. Being that we both put some effort into the friendship thus far, I felt we owed it to each other to at least meet up and talk like adults. Everything was being misinterpreted and I knew what was gonna happen, and wanted to prevent the inevitable.

I wanted to meet up, say what I needed to say to his face, and then give him all the "space" he required. Wasn't such a bad idea, because I have needed a little space of my own to think about this whole journey, and I do have alot on my plate otherwise.

For me it felt black and white. You either want to be friends or not. It's not like we have invested 10 years into a friendship and your friend does something that's forgivable but hurts alot and you don't know what you want to do. Black and white, simple.

One thing led to another, and with him saying he wants time to "think", I responded by saying that I would do the thinking for him, we are done. The last thing I ever want to do is make someone "think" in a negative light. In my mind we were to "new" to have it like that. I will say I regret doing this, because I felt that spark of a long-term friendship from the second we met.

I am hoping that at some point we'll both let by-gones be by-gones and just start over. I still feel there's a potential there for at the very least a friendship, even platonically so. I think we both said things we didn't mean, and did things we didn't mean, in the heat of a lot of emotion. It's not very often I lose my cool, but nothing made sense and I was making an attempt to make sense of it.

I still care about *John* and his well being and it's one of those situations that I hope works itself out with time. I don't take the word friend very lightly, as my friends have all been like family to me. I think we misunderstood each other on this subject, as we never really discussed it in detail. There are certain labels people understand: Booty Call, Husband, Wife, Co-worker, and then there's the grey ones that need a little more definition. All a misunderstanding ending in the worst-case scenario.

With all that, I've kind of put my freedom wings down for a bit to re-group and re-think my approach to all of this. In the meantime, I will forever laugh about the "You're who" moment, and I am one of those people that will reflect on the good more than I will the bad. Maybe this situation will work itself, I'll let you know if it does.

Thinking: AdultFriendFinder is a very, very small world

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