Nothing is what it seems to be  

Choozmi 51M
746 posts
3/31/2005 2:29 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Nothing is what it seems to be

I'm thirty-eight years old. I fell in love with a beautiful girl when I was about fourteen years old. I'm still in touch with her and still pretty crazy about her. We have some romantic history, but not much. Good friends right now.

She's had many lovers the whole time I've known her. When I was a teenager that bothered me. As I grew older, though, it didn't bother me so much, because I realized that my connection to her would probably outlast any of her love affairs... and it has. (Vice versa has proven to be true as well.)

We've talked to each other about our other lovers, sometimes rather graphically. Again, I could handle it.

About eighteen months ago I found out that my lover of four years was cheating on me. I was devastated, and we broke up.

In the months since, I've pondered why I could handle my old friend's many lovers but could not accept a single instance of cheating by the other woman.

I concluded that what bothered me was not the cheating itself, but the lying associated with it. That's what did the real damage.

I've become more open about my romantic relationships than I used to be (that translates into "I'm now able to date more than one woman at a time") because I've realized that what is most important in any relationship is honesty. Dishonesty is what truly broke my heart eighteen months ago.

Thanks for reading this. Here's wishing you an honest week. )

goddess30093 61F

3/31/2005 7:26 am

it is always dishonesty and betrayal that does the damage, but what goes around comes around...she will get hers...we all do in the end...

keithcancook 61M
17954 posts
3/31/2005 7:31 am

To me, there is nothing more important than the truth. Dishonesty, deciet, and infidelity have carved harsh lines in my psyche. While I am wiser now due to those things coming into my life I sometimes miss the naiive person I was before I met them.

wyvernrose 39F  
3962 posts
4/2/2005 3:07 am

You got it in 1 Choozmi few people understand what it is that is hurting them so much.....luckily you had a relationship outside of the hurt which could provide you that insight! definately something to be shared, it doesn't matter what they are lying about, to be lied to by someone you love wether it be about them jumping into bed with someone or wether they did something they had promised, to be the recipient of a lie, regardless of why that lie was told, hurts!!


MsLoveRose 34F  
2432 posts
7/8/2005 4:55 pm still going to post on the ones that stand out... this one in particular...did!!! i just dont have a tolerance for people who can tell me an hurts so much...if i care about yourself enough to trust that i will not hold anything against you. you have your issues...dont hide behind them..dont sell yourself short by hiding behind some wall that should not even exist...thats horrible! anyway you are better off not with hurts, yes and no one wants to be cheated on...but you can be understand...just tell the truth!!!!!

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