Comments from the other site  

Choozmi 51M
746 posts
9/3/2006 11:16 am

Last Read:
10/8/2006 1:14 am

Comments from the other site

These are some of the comments that my previous blog entry received when I posted the same entry in my journal (blog) on OKcupid (and my responses there):

Female 1 (35): I think maybe some people forget that what they are reading is someones (more or less) personal *journal*, and not an entry on an open forum. "It's on my homescreen and I don't like it. FLAAME!!!1!" This is of course no ecxuse for rudeness.

Female 2 (28 ) : Well, if they're rude (and most especially if they're also obnoxious) to you it'll make you change your mind and come around to their way of thinking. It's so obvious. What's wrong with you that you'd miss that?

"China" (21): If someone is posting on Cupid then it IS an open forum. There are options for restricing comments and for, I believe, restricting who can or cannot view your journal. Something you post may inspire comments, complimentary or otherwise, please accept this as a fact of life. It applies to everyone. I do not think posting a comment qualifies as "contacting a random stranger" or necessarily "insulting them," particularly if you are referring to the comment I made on your previous and now-deleted post. I believe many would consider your post much more offensive than my observation about it (which I do not think was particularly insulting or rude). You cannot expect the ability to say something without others saying things back.

Choozmi: China, I'm leaving your comment because I so thoroughly disagree with it and I think it demonstrates exactly what I'm saying with my post. If you wore an outfit out in public that could inspire comments, complimentary or otherwise (such as a t-shirt that reads "Jesus is my homeboy" ), and people walked up to you and insulted or criticized you for it, would you accept this as a "fact of life"? Probably not. I suspect you would be insulted.

"China" (21): Are you crazy? If someone approached me and commented on my Jesus shirt I would accept it as something they have every right to say. I wear the shirt with complete awareness that it could be offensive to some people, and if someone wants to tell me how offensive it is, or insult me for wearing it, well, they're allowed. It's happened before. Of course there are some limits. Someone cannot hit me as a means of demonstrating their disapproval, or something where slander would apply, or speech that would incite violence or other things. Free speech is free speech. That includes your ability to say what you want and MY ability to comment. If you cant handle the heat then get out of the kitchen.

Accepting someone's right to say something does not mean I accept what they say as true or meaningful. Someone could insult me and call me a Satanist or something, and I'd acknowledge that they can absolutely say that if they want to, but I know I am not one. Whether or not I am insulted does not influence someone else's right or ability to say things.

"Mysterious" (38 F) : Technical answer: China's right. Practical one: Choozmi is. The fact is, nobody can make us feel good or bad. It's what we THINK about their action/comment/behavior that prompts our own response. On the other hand, MOST of us do have such an automatic response that we aren't even aware of what we think, so the responsible thing is to realize that might be the case BEFORE posting something that could result in a negative response. Would you both agree?

Choozmi: Thanks everyone for commenting. Mysterious, I'm not sure I follow your logic. If you are suggesting that before one posts a journal entry they should consider whether anyone might react negatively to it, I agree to a point. But there is no way of predicting how everyone will respond, particularly on a site such as this one that does not cater to, for example, members of certain ethnic or religious groups. But I'll say it again: my journal is a place where I expect to be treated with respect. If someone wants to insult me, they are free to do so in their own journal or anywhere else that would make them feel good.

"Mysterious" (38 F) : Yes, you understood. I would say that your online journal really isn't yours, though. It's a public message into which others are invited because it truly belongs to OKCupid rather than to you. So by posting at all, you're willing to take some risk of those things happening.

Choozmi: Yes, and those posting insults I'm sure are willing to have their insults removed.

"Mysterious" (38 F) : Heck ya!

"China" (21): As I've said before, of course you can remove comments. But you cannot expect to be able to make statements or ask questions and not have people react to them... sometimes in unfavorable ways. (In that case it was the original poster who posted something (unknowingly) negative/offensive, was it not?) I was not attacking you, and I'm sorry you were so offended by my comments, or that you took them personally, but I believe this to be a public forum. If you would like to block comments, be my guest, but I think there is something wrong with a person who is willing to make statements but not accept criticisms of them. Like I said before, If you can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen.

I see you added a "kitchen" comment to this post now... Well, this is a forum of idea exchange and communication. If you don't want to have something visible publically then don't post it publically. My kitchen cliche is supposed to convey the fact that you're being a hypocrite. Expecting to be able to say something without allowing (or wanting) others to say things as well, or in return.

Choozmi: A person just posted the following comment here: "It is Choozmi's right to present himself as a showroom model, all shiny and new. If he does not want anyone to look under the hood, check the mileage, ask questions, or otherwise come to the defense of what he writes, that is his choice. He follows in the line of a few others on this site, ********** for one. He chose to post something controversial, then rushed to remove and revise it once it came under scrutiny and criticism, as he likely will do with this second post by me. Best stick to puppies and kitties or not allow comments, if you are so easily shaken." I have removed this comment because I do not wish to have my journal used as this other person's place to criticize other members of this site ("**********" was someone's name). Once again, another member is demonstrating precisely the kind of disrespect that inspired this post in the first place.

China, now you are implying there is something wrong with me and that I am a hypocrite. Please stop this. It doesn't make you look good and it certainly proves my point more than yours. Besides, it's not that I want to keep others from criticizing me and/or my journal posts. They are welcome to do so. But if they want to be rude and/or insulting, they are welcome to do so elsewhere, not here. They can say whatever they want on their journals.

Male 1 (37): You don't want this to be a public forum, make it visible to people only on your friends list. Otherwise, it is public, viewable by everyone. Open to agreement, cricitcism, and ridicule. Free speech, deal.

"Jessie" (27, F): Lack of boundaries is what creates community. If no one commented on journals unless they had been formally introduced, this site would be much more boring.
My real private thoughts go in a paper journal that is hidden in a drawer. So far I have no complaints about people reading it and yakking at me about it. Except for my best friend, but she's a buttinsky.

Choozmi: Male 1 and Jessie, welcome! Please refer to my original post above for a complete response to your comments.

Male 1 (37): Yea, I looked. There's no answer there. You still think your forum is private. If I can see it, it's not. It's public. Sure, you can object to the insults, but to expect your opinions to be respected at all times is a ridiculous. If you won't want to deal with that, make it private by hiding it like I suggested.

"China" (21): I don't dislike you, you didn't offend me, I do not really find you annoying, etc. etc. I don't even know you. My comment was not a personal attack. Actually, it was mostly a joke. But I do think this is an important issue. I think it is important to recognize a public forum AS a public forum. I do not like my freedom of speech being limited, or being requested to limit it, when yours is unrestricted. When you make a comment, or ask a question, or make any sort of visible posting then I will respond if I see fit. I think it is unreasonable of you to fail to accept this. I called you a hyprocite because you're being one. And I do think something is wrong with a person who cannot accept free speech. Generally that would be the hypocrisy I mentioned, or maybe being a Fascist.

Choozmi: Male 1 and China, my journal is not a forum. It's not a place for "free speech". There's no hypocracy in that. I don't have to make it private. I don't have to let people be rude to me here. (What you do on your own journal is your business.)

"China" (21): Just because you decide to be dictator of what can and cannot go on in your journal commentary does not mean it isn't a forum. You ARE able to set restrictions and if you are unwilling to accept free speech then I suggest you use them. Using the restrictions doesn't make you any less of a hypocrite, but at least it prevents you from having something to complain about when someone makes a comment on your words that you do not endorse.

Female 3 (23): Everyone "blog" this post and complain about Choozmi in your journals. He seems to be fine with that, as long as it's not in his journal.

Male 1 (37): So you want to be able to say what you want with no debate. Or with support and complete agreement. Awfully childish, actually.

Choozmi: Everyone, this has been quite a kick. Some of you have called me names, insulted me, put words in my mouth, etc. Some of you have been rude. Thank you to those that haven't. Feel free to complain about me all you want in your own journals if you are so moved. It's obvious that those of you who are insulting and being rude to me don't wish to be friends with me. I invite you to move on now. I've said all I feel that I need to say on this topic. I hope I haven't insulted anyone personally.

tracy_de_lacy 106F
9268 posts
9/3/2006 12:12 pm

yeah that is crazy right enough. I do believe that blogs/journals are public forums, otherwise I wouldn't be commenting here. I don't, however, think anyone has the right to abuse you on your own blog/journal. I don't actually think people have the right to abuse you even on their own blog.

Thats just my tuppenceworth

Bye everyone, it was a blast

Hippink 36F  
4498 posts
9/3/2006 12:28 pm

Ditto Tracy above.

It's your blog, and you choose who does & doesn't comment, you can block who you wish to. If you want to invite debate, great. If not, that's your choice, too. It is a public forum, but which YOU have the control over.
Hippie XXX

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Have fun, play safe!

mickdevil 52M/53F
3496 posts
9/3/2006 10:01 pm

there is something to be said for having an oppinion we all have 1 which is our right to have,but some oppinions in life you ignore and some you take seriously
They give this option in AdultFriendFinder to delete comments for a reason,sometimes we just have to use it!

I say delete thier comments if you like ........if you dont thats ok to because it is your blog do as you may with it


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Just Living Life

rm_GrayBear818 70M
103 posts
9/8/2006 2:06 pm

Whose blog/post/stream is this anyway?

Choozmi opens the lead, but that doesn't make it his.

AdultFriendFinder, the virtual provider, is just an unconscious medium, not a participant.

We, the rabble, create the stream of dialog. Without us the blog is nothing, hollow, a one-sided announcement.

The kitchen heat is the price of being free, live with it..

If it becomes impractical, then someone will invent a better mousetrap

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