In Heat  

HoaryCronySlimy 36M
243 posts
5/16/2006 4:31 pm

Last Read:
5/16/2006 6:10 pm

In Heat


Hey folks!

Well, it appears that the long awaited season of summer has finally arrived, at least in this little town.

Allmost as if it happened over night, I awoke this morning just in time to see the sun come barreling over the mountains like an angry bull, fresh from an encounter with a cattle prod.

It shone with a fury all day long, beating the pavement mercilessly and unleashing hoards of bikini clad women upon the unsuspecting male population.

From the looks of it, we were completely unprepared. I noticed a rather homely man standing on the side of the road staring helplessly at a few passing females. He was built like a big teddy bear and was just as oblivious to traffic.

When I saw his jaw hanging open, I stopped and said:

"Good God man, weren't you prepared for this?"

He gave me a blank stare and finally stepped onto the sidewalk. When my words registered in his head, he replied:

"Prepared for what?"

"For the stampede of course. Every year on a certain day, all of the women in the city emerge from hybernation all at once, and then haul ass towards the nearest water source as if their lives depended on it. There they will lounge lazily in the heat for hours at a time, untill they are golden brown."

He stared at me, dumfounded. "Why do you suppose they do that?" He asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" I replied. "They are going into heat my friend. This is the time when we as a species are beset by a fever, a mad drive for sexuality that is unequalled during any other time of year."

I pointed down the street towards the lake and city beach. Sure enough, the place was already packed with bodies, strewn about in clusters like little sea lions vying for sunlight and attention.

He grunted. "What are we supposed to do? There are too many of them, and way too much competition."

"That's easy. You've got to advertise mate! You need to get the "message" out that you have something that they want, something they will have a hard time getting elsewhere! You must have talents...right? Capitalize on them!"

He only grunted and thanked me for the advice before dissappearing down the street, rather suddenly I might add.

I went back to work and forgot about the pedestrian for a while altogether.

To my surprise, I saw him later a few days later with a lovely young lady on his arm. After he introduced me, I asked how he managed to acquire such an attractive friend.

She proceeded to tell me a story about a big fuzzy bear sitting shirtless near the beach, with a sign reading:

"WILLING TO CUDDLE FOR YOUR PHONE NUMBER."

She went on to say that she was in a curious mood for some reason, and that she would never approach a man under normal circumstances. Something just clicked in her and the rest was history.

wow...

It appears that all that nonsense I was spewing about women being in heat might be more than a figment of my imagination. Perhaps I should offer unwanted advice more often?

Anyway...Gents. The moral of the story here is to stay on your toes during this season regardless of what you think your chances are.

If you are a geek, nerd, or socially retarded, there is still hope...

If you are lonely, uninteresting, and devoid of talents, all is not lost!

It's time to put on your game face and get out there... You just never know when some lovely lady will have a lapse in judgement and seek companionship from the likes of you and me.

Reporting live from the front lines...

-Me

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
5/16/2006 5:16 pm

Interesting!!!! We need a road sign for this.

Purry {=}

Purry


HoaryCronySlimy 36M
169 posts
5/16/2006 6:10 pm

Thanks for stopping by Purry, my thoughts exactly!


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