CelticFlower 51F
1061 posts
5/18/2006 10:44 am

Last Read:
5/24/2006 1:53 am


I guess alot of us experience this kind of abuse during our school years. I did for one but that is another long story.
This has been happening to me frequently, over the last few months. The bully is my husband.
He professes he wants to keep things friendly, for the sake of the kids. This would very much be my priority too. He is nice to me, offers help and then tries to confuse me into agreeing to something i shouldn`t. He loves to make me upset, either to the point of tears or shouting, whilst he stays calm.
He plays on my self doubt and past wrongs, to make me emotionally vulnerable. Then if none of this works we resort to lying & embroidering of the truth.
I am aware that he is hurting, through all of this because of what i did to him(in his opinion).
It has got to the point and i have told him this, to his face. That all but the most basic communication will have to be carried out through our lawyers. Also, that i will not agree to anything without my lawyers approval.

Last night i said this calmly and quietly and he lost his temper.

He could not just leave it there with me supposedly winning(although it didn`t feel like a win). He had to have a parting shot, which was- "When are you taking your wedding ring off and what are you going to do with it?"
Once upon a time i loved this man with all my heart & now i wonder why?

He and his bullying tactics can take a hike, back to the playground where they come from and he can grow up.


GB_Cple 67M/56F  
3113 posts
5/18/2006 11:56 am

(((((((((( HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

HotDev1l 46M
1358 posts
5/18/2006 1:23 pm

(((hugs))) from me too

Sorry honey....you know what I think.

As far as the wedding ring goes....it's really not worth much. If you take it to a jeweller they'll pay you it's gold weight worth and melt it down to make something else, or you may be fortunate that they'll sell it on commission but that's pretty rare now.

ChrisDL 48M

5/18/2006 2:38 pm

Sticks and stones, Celtic. Rise above this idiot - you are so much better than him

dutchpete 55M
563 posts
5/18/2006 3:02 pm

Is the ring still a sugn of a bond together with yr ex ? If not, then my advise will be to take it off and save it for your kids.

And my compliments for telling 'the bull' with such patience what you feel/want/think.

'Just do it' to use Nike's slogan

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/18/2006 3:31 pm

you can do sweetie,i know you can.

Those beautiful rings in there perfect circle symbolise so many memories and promises,but they also symbolise a circle of life,a never ending one not just marriage,or the children from that,but the strength and love for life and its never ending merry go round,when the time is right for you to end this chapter,you will take it off and put in a lovely little box,hidden away.
hugs my friend,you do have the strength in you to work your way through all this

I'm a

i'm here to stay

freetime648 53F

5/18/2006 11:29 pm

When I took my ring off with my divorce, I placed it on the other hand to symbolize what I would never let happen again!!! His attitude is coming from hurt and pain and although I understand that there is no reason for it at all. You all may need to just stay away from each other for awhile....hard as it may be.....just an offering for a solution....

Smile and I hope things get better for you soon xx

xx FREETIME648 xx

racingcrazy67 50M

5/19/2006 9:33 am

Flower, I'm so sorry to hear you going through this right now. It must be so tough for you but try to rise above the bullying, stay strong and be as positive as you can.

It must be exhausting for you but I am sure that soon things will change for the better for you. You SO deserve it and it WILL happen.


PS Oh, and big hugs from me too!

Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/19/2006 12:59 pm

When my second wife left me, I went to Lake Erie and tossed it as far as I could...so no more tears on my part....

It is a tried and true tactic to unsettle your opponent; to throw them off guard, and then take advantage. Be Kipling's man: Maintain your wits while all others are losing theirs.

Smile when he expects you to frown.
Speak softly when he expects you to shout.
Laugh when he expects you to cry.

It's tough, but I think you can do it, from what your friends here say about you....

Just my viewpoint...

NG61...fading back into the shadows...

UnpinAfireFaust 58M

5/22/2006 10:34 pm

All I can think to do Celtic...is offer a shoulder and an ear if you ever want them. While what your going thru isn't easy and definitely not anything close to fun (I know all too well) ...from what I read...it seems to me your very capable of taking care of yourself.

rm_live2learn4 52M
5 posts
5/23/2006 2:43 pm

Over the past five years I've tried everything to make our marriage work. But when your spouse doesn't even try to fix the problems that creep up, what are you to do. I found myself trying like hell to be this perfect person to please her. Nothing worked and if she couldn't find a recent fault with me she remind me of one years earlier. Anything and everything I had control over I made better. It was a logical way for me to rule out anything I could be doing wrong. The past two years has been the hardest for me. It's left me to be this shell of a man who has been emotionally drained and still confused. After reflecting on it all I found it's not me it's her. Asperger's syndrome explains alot to me. Since she's sees herself as perfect and thinks everything wrong with our marriage is my fault and even withdrew from our marriage counseloring I can only see divorce. It's sad to hear my son tell me mommy says sorry is not good enough. I see the effects she having on our son and it's eating away at my heart. What would she do or say if I wasn't there haunts my thoughts. The bottom line is I can't continue to live like this. It's time to face my fears.

CelticFlower 51F

5/24/2006 1:53 am

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful words. I am still wearing my ring and am not sure when i`ll be ready to remove it. I have removed all but one picture from the apartment of us as a couple. I`ll do everything gradually as i`m ready.

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