The Ferret Battle.....  

Catharsis33 45M
81 posts
5/22/2006 10:05 pm

Last Read:
5/26/2006 10:39 pm

The Ferret Battle.....

The wife has damn fucking ferrets (FF’s for short)…………………………………
Yes I did not say ferret but ferrets. I can not take it anymore and must vent. No this is no sex story or a cute story with a moral; it is about little damn ferrets. She got her first FF from a friend of hers. Her name is Baby and she is what they call a silver sable (grey and white). Some jerk had bought her and then decided he did not want it and threw her out in the snow and cold. Well the wife just could not believe someone would be that insensitive and agreed to take it. I agreed as well because I thought it would be the right thing to do and the kids loved it. Our dog, a miniature pincher (Keyote), did not trust it at all and got nipped on the nose within two minutes of meeting it. I should have listened to my dog. I should have stopped the madness when I had the chance.

FF’s are like across between a dog and a cat and have the intelligence and curiosity of a two year old kid. Some think they stink but they have there stink removed (I am not sure how this is done but can think of some guys I work with that needs it on chili day). I must admit I was just as enchanted with how the FF played and frolicked. It was just plain cute. Melissa went and bought books on the FF and did research on the web. She found out that FF’s are very social creatures and need another FF as a playmate. With this Melissa raised her finger to the air and in a very super hero like fashion yelled, “To the pet store”. Men do really dumb things when they are in love. I did a dumb thing by agreeing to buy the next one. This one was 3 months old female and an albino. It has beady demon red eyes and looks the most like a rat. This one was named Taz.

Ok, so now we had two. Not to bad cause they did play very well together. Little did I know that there insidious plan was to infiltrate our defenses using cuteness as a weapon. Looking back I should have seen it coming. The first step was to gain the favor of the small children in the house. They did this by leaping around doing the “happy dance”. They then played tug a war and run around with oversized stuffed animals in there mouths. The kids were immediately on their side as well as Melissa. I was still wary of their ways.

Melissa and I began constructing a 5 shelf cage to replace the sufficient 3 shelf cage we already had. The store bought cages were too damned expensive. She wanted a play place for them and I wanted a prison cell. We compromised…well no I compromised, cause most prison cells do not have slides and toys. I thought it very money wise of her to try and build the cage (I am such a sucker). This was all about the time we went to Denver for the first time for some medical stuff. After the doctor’s appointment I asked what should we go and do. Melissa had that planned already. Did we go see the sights? No. Did we go to any cool restaurants or stores? No…….We went to the animal shelter cause they had ferrets. Rather a ferret that was nearing its time there. Seems no one wants to adopt them (well almost no one). We were supposed to go and just look but of course Melissa saw the thing and her heart went out to it. This one was not cute and cuddley like the other two females. It was another silver sable but it was this huge male. Within 5 minutes we were in the acquaintance area and Melissa was trying to get it to play. It decided to bite her hand to let her know how much it wanted to play. Did she get mad? No. Did we leave the ferret? No. Her thinking was it was just nervous and she could help it be a little friendlier. The things name should have tipped her off though I thought, Nino Grizzly. It sounds like something that has a bad attitude and TEETH! So off we go with our third ferret.

We get to the van and hand Nino to the oldest boy. Melissa starts by telling them how different this one is from the others. She tried to put it to them easy but I just wanted them to know we had a KILLER among us!!!! I said that one tried to eat your Mother!!! With a yelp the oldest boy passes it to the middle child. I could not help but display an evil grin. My plan to turn the small ones against the ferrets was working. Melissa’s hold over the boys was to strong and claimed it was only a scratch and that I was overreacting. It took all of 2 minutes and the boys had the ferret out and playing with it. (Damn it…I was foiled again)

Now I knew that Melissa had been doing research on ferrets before we left for Denver (I just had no idea to what extent). Apparently, these ferret creatures have a magazine published which yes is all about ferrets. Somehow, Melissa had contacted one of the writers for the magazine. Coincidently, the writer lived in Denver and had agreed to meet Melissa at a pet store to discuss some tips and how he had started a ferret rescue mission. Hmmmmmm yeah… We get to this store and he has two of the creatures with him. He goes on about how one he had just recently and was saved from death. It was another sable and looked just awful. He said its name was Saber and the white one he had was named Dusty. Dusty at least did not have the red demon eyes like Taz. I had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Melissa took the malnourished Saber and loved on it all through the store. The guy told us the best foods for them to eat and the type of things they like to do. He was not doing a good job of making me feel any better. I kept hearing things like thieves and nipping. (You know it amazes me how if you know a person is a thief or hell a biter you would not let that person in your home but put some fur on a rat and sure…come on it.) Somehow Melissa ended up with the two ferrets. So yes that would be a total of 5. The ferret pusher went on to tell Melissa about how she could start a ferret rescue mission too (I wondered how many ferrets one had to own before they were considered a ferret rescue mission and not just simply crazy).

So we make it home and introduce the new ferrets to the ones we had. We then introduce them to the dog. The dog is still on my side and just wanted nothing to do with them…at first anyways. After a week I began to notice that even the dog was starting to play with them. I was sure I was doomed to live in ferret hell for the rest of eternity. The ferrets sense my distain and have banded together to go against me. They have figured out how to open the latches on their cage, that or they have an accomplice, an accomplice that is about 4 years old. They wait till I am asleep and crawl in my bed to try and make a snack out of my toes. They are playing head games with me and trying to ruin my career. I have been late twice now due to my keys mysteriously vanishing. They also steal the matching sock I need for that day and spend my time looking for a replacement. The sock thing though is not only a mental assault but a social one. It is no fun to have someone at work point out that your socks do not match.

I thought once I had gained an ally with the 4 year old. I was sadly mistaken. I passed by our bathroom only to find our 4 year old standing in front of the toilet.

To be continued…

rm_bluejade2832 43M/40F

5/23/2006 6:44 am

owww come on babe they aren't that bad not like they are the devil or anything nor even demons more like little stinky angels more like it muhahahah and I will have that rescue mission btw love you kisses love mel

Catharsis33 45M

5/23/2006 10:05 pm

They are the true root of all evil, spawns of hell and the Devil's tools.

rm_bluejade2832 43M/40F

5/24/2006 6:57 am

I think your getting them confused with our children


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