The Dating Game  

CantonOhCouple 61M/61F
370 posts
11/23/2005 2:26 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Dating Game

One of our readers (who would prefer to remain anonymous) recently wrote to us about our blogs.

“The intimate details are fine, but I also enjoy reading about your feelings prior to meeting, what's going on in your mind while planning the "event", that kind of thing. It's also fun to read about what kind of ideas you have as to what may happen, and how it compared to the actual experience.”

Oh, good questions!

Lets talk about the dating game.

Meeting a new friend from AdultFriendFinder is, well, different. When we were dating we were attracted to the person, and pretty unsure about the sex part. Now, we’re pretty sure about the sex part, but unsure about the person. Is he nice? Funny? Clean? Do we like him? Will he like us? You would think that it would be easier, but its not. We’re still nervous.

Then, there is the essential question of the outfit. What to wear? We generally meet for snacks and libations right after work. Finding an outfit that is appropriate for the office but still sexy enough for our date is a challenge. A cover-up during the day to hide the cleavage usually is all it takes. The heels, skirt and hose are a nice treat for the boys at the office.

In preparation for the big date we start by discussing the questions we’d like to ask. What inconsistencies (or curiosities) with his profile do we want to explore? Beyond that, we try and probe further into his fantasies, wants, needs, desires, and fetishes. What turns him on? Turns him off? We are aroused by the thought of satisfying his innermost desires. Does he have a pantyhose fetish? We wear pantyhose. Does he want to dress? We admire his outfit. How about heels? We wear heels. Garters? Garter’s it is. What toys does he like? Toys R Us. We do have limits, but erotic fantasies and even quirky fetishes are fair game.

The fact of the matter is that people are pretty uncomfortable expressing their inner desires, even after they have met and exchanged emails on AdultFriendFinder. Imagine that! So we use our dinner dates to get a better feel for him. We must say that it makes for VERY interesting dinner conversations.

Not to mention extremely attentive waiters!

Before dinner, we arrange discreet signals: “One if by land, two if by sea.” Nothing complicated, just: I like him. I don’t. I’m not sure. And unlike the 3rd base coach in baseball, our signals are words or phrases we can simply drop into the conversation. For example, if I order a margarita ‒ he’s through. A glass of merlot? Happy days! You get the idea. It lets us communicate our first impressions. For example, if he starts to order the margarita and she says, “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of wine?” He knows that she’s saying: Let’s give this guy a chance. If he insists on the margarita, then it’s an early evening.

During dinner, we make sure to seat him next to her. We’re all nervous enough without adding an “us” vs. “him” dynamic. And if she likes him, her hand lightly placed on his “erhm” knee can be a nice “ice breaker” and a pleasant surprise for him. On one second date, our lover turned this around and surprised her. Watching her experience orgasm in public while trying to remain discreet (and quiet) was a new erotic adventure. And like potato chips, who could have just one? Neither could she.

Did I mention how great the service was that night?

Dinner is the ritual that helps us make a connection to the person. We’re trying to get to know him. At this point, its not about sex. Its about the man. Certainly, if we don’t like the way he acts at the dinner table, we are not likely to dine on him in the bedroom.

That said, what are we looking for? Well, first and foremost, was he engaged with us, with her, or with him? If his focus is exclusively her, or even exclusively him, it’s probably not a good fit. Is he capable of being assertive or even slightly aggressive? We’re not likely to enjoy a “passive” playmate. Our style in the boudoir favors playful participation by all of the parties.

And oddly enough, the key question is: Would we enjoy his company if we took sex completely out of the equation? If we wouldn’t be willing to break bread simply for the pleasure of his company, then he is not for us. Yes, this is about sex. But great sex starts with great people who are capable of great relationships.

After our “date” the two of us compare notes. If either of us have reservations, then we break the bad news. Not fun. If we’re both excited at the idea of bedding him, we go to bed on it. That can be fun too. Hopefully, he is still interested in us as well. Who knows, maybe we don’t measure up to his expectations.

After all, it takes three to trois.

rm_ChagrinFalls 66M
3 posts
11/24/2005 6:50 am

Very well written. As always I enjoy reading!

rm_7iron4fun 63M

11/25/2005 5:07 am

Wow! You guys sound amazing. Open, honest and considerate with a little bit of wild side. It sounds like it would be fun just to share a lunch with you.

OhioNiceGuy1122 66M
21 posts
11/25/2005 12:47 pm

You two never cease to amaze me with your intellect and insight ... not to mention the underlying sexual tension just to start! Do you offer subscriptions? I'll take one!

rm_mwm34 49M

11/27/2005 4:26 pm

As usual, another well written blog. I like your ideas on communication at dinner, how very clever! You have great communication between yourselves to come up with such a simple, yet eloborate way to signal each other. Bon appetit!

dar_tagnon12 54M
10 posts
11/28/2005 2:17 pm

Dinner or Coffee, either is a good icebreaker and conversation is a wonderful way to determine how the dance will or will not procede. I too like aggressive partners and can fit into that situation very well. My theatre background lend me to being adaptable and playful. You are also from what I read.

rm_leg_fan 50M
17 posts
11/30/2005 8:55 am

I can't imagine a dinner date with you folks would be anything less than excellent, even if that is as far as it goes! Bravo, on another great post.

I'll have the Merlot, please.

CantonOhCouple 61M/61F
553 posts
11/30/2005 7:38 pm

milkit7, Thank you! By the way, great pic!

ChagrinFalls, Thank you for your kind words. Stop by again!

7iron4fun, We do try to be thoughtful and considerate. We've noticed that a lot of people who write us are suprised and grateful that we reply to their e-mails, even when its only to say, sorry, we're busy or not interested. As for wild? Maybe a bit on the wild side, but couldn't you say that for anyone who is actively engaged in making connections on this site?

OhioNiceGuy1122, Its interesting that you note the "sexual tension" that we bring to each other (and to our lovers). That is very true. The journey has liberated us in many ways to express and enjoy our sexuality not only with each other, but with our partners. And it is absolutely true that seeking and satisfying the "repressed" fantasies of our partners is erotic and an essentially fulfilling experience.

mwm34, You mention our little "signals". We highly recommend that any couple have some way to communicate privately in situations like these. It helps reduce your tension, since you know you can talk to your partner about essential facts without being rude to your date. PS. We mix them up. So for our next date -- it won't be the drink orders.

dar_tagnon12, We love your "dance" analogy. Very apt.

leg_fan, Thanks for writing. Dinner could be fun, even if there is no expectations. However, we think it could be difficult for our dinner partner if he's harboring he hopes of going further.

OhioNiceGuy1122 66M
21 posts
11/30/2005 9:35 pm

Your responses are wonderful! Thoughtful, insightful, and best of all, literate! But I was just a little thrown by your response to mwm34 ... I guess we will all have to work harder to crack your code! Thought I had it down (lol).

rm_7iron4fun 63M

12/2/2005 3:58 am

Sure could. Isn't that wonderful? I'm going to upgrade just so I can view you site better. Lunch for both is on me if your interested. By the way, great photo.

rm_unlistedone 66M
2718 posts
12/2/2005 6:22 am

Obviously, you two have put a lot of thought into this part of your lives. I like that... but then, I am pretty sure if we were in the same town, and neighbors... I'd like ya'll anyway. This has to spill over into how you normally treat people anyway.
Have a great holiday! unlisted

OhioNiceGuy1122 66M
21 posts
12/2/2005 9:03 am

I would like to echo unlistedone ... you two are thoughtful, caring people, and I am also sure that you would be wonderful folks whether or not you were swingers. You are truly a class act!

CantonOhCouple 61M/61F
553 posts
12/2/2005 5:36 pm

OhioNiceGuy1122, Thank you for your very kind comments. We do try. Although, there are a number of very well written blogs here. If you haven't already, do take a peek at: [blog sj365]. We guarantee you'll be impressed. Another blog we enjoy is [blog unlistedone]. We think you'll enjoy his tasteful writing as well. Perhaps we should do a blog on our favorite blogs? Interested anyone?

7iron4fun, You really should upgrade to at least Silver membership. For a gentleman, its almost essential. And there's lot's of advantages ... not to mention the ability to view profiles and some very nice pictures (grin).

unlistedone, Its so great to see you stopping by our site! Thanks for the kind words. We think you'd be a great neighbor too!

rm_unlistedone 66M
2718 posts
12/24/2005 1:42 am

Merry Christmas! Hug to both, ya'll, unlisted

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