Cageman3000 37M
29 posts
9/2/2006 12:07 am

Last Read:
12/27/2006 1:24 pm


Have you ever outsmarted yourself too many times to where you can no longer pull the wool over your eyes when you really need to?Like when your alone and you're thinking about someone else and your thoughts turn into some kind of feeling if closeness with this person.You know how it is,you're alone in the safety of number one.No one can read your thoughts.So no matter how embarrassing they are,no matter if it's stuff that you could never tell anyone for fear of them laughing in your face or being eternally uncomfortable in the same room with you,you really let yourself go.It's those thoughts that can really save you from one of those severe drops into hard slamming depression.The kind that doesn't fool around.The depression that makes you think your some kind of diabolical genius because you could come up with something that you could inflict upon yourself that is totally and devastating.Sometimes the depression is so bad that you think that some government agency beamed into your head because you would never level something that horrible at yourself.So have you ever gotten to the point to where you want to pull yourself out of the teeth of loneliness and you try to think of a perfect situation with one of those people out there and you are unable to do it?You keep looking at the wall and nothing happens.You just keep seeing the reality mixed with the sounds of traffic and the smell of your own skin.You see too clearly and you wish that you could soften the focus a bit so you could get a break.Yea it happens to me too.Like right now.I swear this room is the loneliest place on the planet.I don't know where you are or what you re going through but you're not here now and I'm all Ive got in here and I can't go walking around my neighborhood at this time of night because the gangsters selling the drugs down the street make me freak out. So tonight I'm stuck in here looking out through the bars on my windows.Trying to think of nothing because tonight it all makes too much sense.I think right now all I can do is wait it out until I wear myself down.It's called sleep.I call it giving in.Sometimes it's good to get beaten.

countryheart_71 46F
8081 posts
9/2/2006 12:40 am

I have been there before. Chin up! Tomorrow is a new adventure waiting to be discovered.


rm_power1894 55M

9/2/2006 1:52 am

I know! My life seemed to end after my wife left me, in a totally unjust way. I wont get into it but I live in a small town and because of what shes told friends of mine, I feel betrayed.
I felt the black dog today. I dont like people. They want to hurt me. Now I feel safe, I've created a santuary. I still look for love, I can't give up.
Cagemam if you have been where I have been in life you will be greatfull. I know i shouldn't say that.
Listen to the sunscreen song every day.

jaimeOOO69 53F

9/2/2006 9:21 am


I locked myself up last Tuesday,severing communication to the man I love the most and the one who can hurt me the most. So I know what you are talking about.

rm_MiVidaLoca25 38F
60 posts
12/23/2006 8:05 pm

This is similar to my sweet steel trap of anxiety.

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