The stuff in between...  

ByteChaser2 54M
2834 posts
10/18/2005 2:08 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The stuff in between...

Ok, so the last post was, what I had assumed was the major component parts of me. Each of my various roles and acts. But I kind of left ya's hanging at the end huh? Yeah, I left me hanging too. I guess I just didn't understand (or even realize that it exists) the stuff in between...

So, to put in male terms... "Stuff in between" = mortar or duct tape or heavy duty construction adhesive...

It's the constant that holds all the ever changing components together. Keeps them from flying off in every direction, flattening the neighbors cat and busting out car windows...

So before we begin this new journey into the Bytechaser jungle... you gotta know, this is an entirely new concept for me. I mean, I never even considered that the sum of all the "me's" was less than the whole of me. Kind of like how airplane builders always include the weight of the paint when calculating how much cargo it can safely carry...

It's the stuff in between the parts, the glue that holds it all together that I've neglected to explore. So... Please bring your seat backs to their full upright position and fasten your seatbelts in preparation for landing at ByteChaser International.

The stuff in between... So we can get both arms around this, consider that each of the me's are in constant motion and ever changing or evolving. Morphing into something new; something better able to fill the role as it were. The stuff in between may be considered the constant. The never changing glue that binds it all together.

ok, so if we can agree that what I've been missing is the constant between my changing lives... what exactly IS it?

Can't be family and friends or even the emotional ties between them and I. We're each and all in a state of change, have been since the very beginning of life.

Besides, that's not me. That's us...

So what is such a universal constant that can hold me all together? Has to be something strong. Waterproof and resistant to rust... So is there, in, on or around me, something tough and resilient enough to keep my emotional house of cards from collapsing...

Emotional... emotion...

Will? Strength or purpose? Love maybe?

Or hate?

Wouldn't that just be a kick in the ass huh?

I don't think so. It might be part of it but I don't think that's "the thing". Besides, my hate - in whatever form it takes - isn't constant.

My head hurts...

I suppose it could be desire. Desire seems to drive everything else about me. A good friend just recently commented that I want to know... right now dammit! (arms crossed, feet stamping, pouting like a 6 year old). Well, yeah. I suppose I'm not exempt from the current societal mores... the "gimme" mentality most of us subscribe to. The point though, is that I'm trying to know for myself. I have this pressing desire to know me and it's driving me along the full spectrum of emotions and behaviors.

Every emotion from lust to hate, ecstasy to despair. Emotions that likely drive each one of my various personas. That each persona serves to provide me with what I want.

But is that what binds them all together? Is desire the unaccounted for weight in my total ground tonnage?

I desire a healthy family life, therefore I "play" the husband /father. I desire the respect and admiration of my business peers, therefore I mold a persona to address each of them optimally. I desire companionship, therefor I "play" the wolf on the prowl.

"I think, therefor I am" roughly equates to "I desire, therefor I do"...

Or... I could well have just skipped right past it and desire really isn't the mortar between the cinder blocks.

Man... my hair hurts


tillerbabe 57F

10/18/2005 3:57 pm

Well, you sure made my hair hurt!

Byte - I think you've "hit" on the edge of the constant..
Don't you understand that the "constant" is chaos?
And this chaos is fed by your wisdom, your emotions and your "flesh"? That it is all bound together and held tight by your soul..which has chosen this life for you......the constant "inconsistancy" of it all?

Why? So that may "learn", become more evolved spiritually and share your wisdom with the "other" souls that are as hungry for knowledge as yours.

It's all very simple ..really. {=}


ByteChaser2 54M

10/18/2005 5:33 pm

I've read about the various chaos theries. Not too sure I can get both arms around the concept. It's an intriguing concept though, order in chaos, patterns in the stars and electric static in washing machines, patterns in the ways birds flock...

I suppose my biggest block to accepting the concept, as you've defined it is that I don't believe (any more) that I have a "soul" in the spiritual sense. At least in the way I have come to understand what the "soul" is. I may have blogged this at one time or another... You've hit on it though.

It's my contention that a persons "soul" or the essence of who that person is, doesn't actually "exist" in that person. AThe essence of a person is the sum of that persons life, experiances, wisdom, and such n stuff. When people say that the soul ascends to heaven when the body dies, in my educated opinion, actually lends to another belief I have.

There isn't actually a heaven - place - or hell - place. A specific physical or etheral plane to which a persons spirit ascends or decends. Heaven and hell exist right here. We create them and they are as real and tangible as the monitor your shaking your head at right now ...

Anyway, if you can accept that we create our own heaven and hell on earth, and that a persons soul is the sum of that persons accumulated knowledge, wisdom and experiance, we can take it a step further:

A persons soul lives on - in the thoughts and memories of those whom have experianced that person. Take Jesus as an example of this concept. His spirit is said to have ascended to heaven. What if it's actually ascended through time - in the memories of those he's affected? US... That his "soul is actually in the individual heavens and hells WE have created for ourselves right here on mother earth?

Now I'm not saying either is right or wrong. That's just how I interpret the concept of a soul. but to circle back around on your contention that chaos is the only true constant and the glue in between my bits and pieces... I'm certain that I am chaos, not simply duct taped together with it. and that by trying to bring order to my chaos, I'm simply creating more. While it's constant (right now), I'll one day either transcend it (bring order) or succumb to it. In either case, It will end eventually.

Desire, I suspect, wont.


rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
10/18/2005 5:38 pm

no comment, just this:

lalalalala


ByteChaser2 54M

10/18/2005 8:03 pm

sj - I know I know... keep digging she says. Crack that whip!

I'm loading up for bear tomorrow sj... best be ready. and no lalala-ing either!

Who, what and why... I think I got a grip on it


UtterlyLuscious 31F

10/18/2005 11:23 pm

byte-if you so choose
you can find me at:


helga_hansen 50F  
1987 posts
10/19/2005 8:59 am

Wow... I go away for a bit, and you get all serious! Hope the woman who's making you think this hard is worth it...

Hx

Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


ByteChaser2 54M

10/19/2005 10:24 am

She is Helga. In her own unique, full of light way.


ByteChaser2 54M

11/16/2005 11:20 am

I'm there Lucious!


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