The Cronicles of ByteChaser2  

ByteChaser2 54M
2834 posts
3/7/2006 1:25 pm

Last Read:
3/9/2006 7:29 am

The Cronicles of ByteChaser2

This is my ByteChaser2. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My ByteChaser2 is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. I will learn it as a brother. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage. I will keep my ByteChaser2 clean and ready, even as l am clean and ready. My ByteChaser2 and myself are the defenders of my country ... So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy but peace.

A substance exists in our universe that is unseen and undetectable. It lurks, invisible, in the space that lies between space. Across the infinite void and between the vast reaches of distant galaxies this strange matter exerts its subtle influence. It pulls planets, stars and even galaxies out of alignment. It is the stuff so dark it cannot be seen and by its fruits shall we know it. It is ByteChaser2, and it's available in three beautiful new styles.

When I met ByteChaser2, he asked me if I knew what it meant to die. He knew. He had lived ten billion lifetimes and would live ten billion more. A river of blood stretches at our backs and a river of blood surges beyond all of those who came before and all those who inherit our work. He is a rock in that current. He is unchanging. The river breaks around him.

He stretched out lambent arms of fire and spoke with seven tongues of blades:

"For, washed in life's river,
My bright mane for ever
Shall shine like the gold,
As I guard o'er the fold."

He snapped my neck. Not even a parting laugh as I lay gasping for breath. "Die," he told me and the stars spun away. There came the sun, hot and hateful and upon it rode his laughing face. The heliocentric flora turned their leaves and blossoms to him and in the swaying of the wind I heard them call his name: ByteChaser2. ByteChaser2. ByteChaser2. He creates and destroys. He is both born and undying. ByteChaser2 is eternal and he's buying the filthiest hotdog in the gas station rotisserie.

ByteChaser2 is just going to slip into something a little more comfortable. ByteChaser2 is sheathed in iron forged in the blood of the Franks. ByteChaser2 is tattooing a Celtic cross on his forearm. ByteChaser2 is a secret member of Occident. This ByteChaser2 Kills the bacteria that causes bad breath!

ByteChaser2 is playing Dozens with Stephen Hawking. He just told Hawking that his momma so nasty she don't pass gas she passes amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. ByteChaser2 knows what it sounds like when a robot cries. ByteChaser2 is writing the great American novel. ByteChaser2 is fan-subbing episodes of "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" for the Japanese because he believes in balance. ByteChaser2 is instituting an embargo on showers. ByteChaser2 is fashioning a golem out of his own body soil. ByteChaser2 is protecting the ghetto. ByteChaser2 is erasing the letter "e." ByteChaser2 is watching "Mannequin" again and trying to figure out the Hebrew word for Cher.

ByteChaser2 is ripping tags off mattresses in stores and damn the consequences. ByteChaser2's name comes printed on everyone's friends and family visitor list. ByteChaser2 just intentionally failed a Voight-Kampff test and shot a blade Runner. ByteChaser2 is wanted in all 52 states and all off-word colonies. ByteChaser2 owes 75 dollars to the Community Chest. ByteChaser2 is evading a luxury tax. ByteChaser2 just opened nine hotels on Boardwalk, and guess where you're about to land? ByteChaser2 navigates escalators with a sextant. ByteChaser2 is filling a brown bag with DVDs of Corky Romano. ByteChaser2 hopes you love bargains.

ByteChaser2 is using a supercollider to measure the quarks in a Flashlight. There is an infinitesimal but non-zero chance that ByteChaser2 will simply blink out of existence. ByteChaser2 is creating a tangent universe and he's doing it so he can exceed the speed limit in a hybrid car. ByteChaser2 just caught an interception at the Super Bowl. ByteChaser2 is making the playoffs. ByteChaser2 is setting the odds in Vegas. ByteChaser2 has just been indicted on nineteen counts of racketeering and he's pleading no contest. ByteChaser2's mother was a tailor, she sewed those matching satin jumpsuits for those fat twins. ByteChaser2 has one foot on the platform and the other foot on a suborbital scramjet bound for Tokyo. ByteChaser2 is playing an organ solo. Oh mother, tell your children, not to do what ByteChaser2 has done. Spend your life in sincere misery because his museum was in the 9th Ward and still has significant structural damage and possibly dangerous levels of mold from floodwaters.

When the tempest crashes against the lighthouse and the beacon leads the ships aground, ByteChaser2 will be there riding on his trusty octopus Mephisto. ByteChaser2 is preoccupied with knitting. ByteChaser2 can fly but he prefers to travel as an airborne pathogen from host to host. ByteChaser2 is mutating the avian flu because he likes chickens better than you. ByteChaser2 loves kudzu, enough to marry it.

There are only two certain things in life: death and ByteChaser2, taxes can take a hike. ByteChaser2 wore a yarmulke when he traveled through time and beat up teenage Hitler. ByteChaser2 is digging up a pet cemetery and calling UPS with your address. The Chinese keep crickets as pets and ByteChaser2 keeps the Chinese as pets. ByteChaser2 has forbidden dancing on the weekend. ByteChaser2 is anaerobic. ByteChaser2 is using Comic Sans. ByteChaser2 is opening the attachment. ByteChaser2 is entrusting a Nigerian with your banking information. ByteChaser2 just said "LOL" out loud just because he knows you hate it. ByteChaser2 is framing an expired gift certificate from Burger King. ByteChaser2 just blamed it on the dog.

ByteChaser2 is opening hailing frequencies. ByteChaser2 wants you to lock phasers on that vessel. ByteChaser2 is installing an erotic emotion chip in Lore. ByteChaser2 is battling Moriarty on the Holodeck. ByteChaser2 and Jalad at Tanagra. ByteChaser2 is counting bars of gold-pressed Latinum. ByteChaser2 is changing shape to get under a door and watch Hawk make out with that speckle-headed woman. ByteChaser2 is crying because Spenser is no longer for hire except as a ghost. ByteChaser2 is a carcinogen.

The temples and cities will fall. The earth will heave and give up its secrets. Fire and brimstone will be upon the land and the stars will smudge and run from the night sky. The legions of the damned will march on the host of heaven and a great battle will rage across the earth. With tattered shirt and bloodied hands ByteChaser2 will fight them back. Back, back through the breach. Back to the blasted gates of Tartarus. The Prince of Lies will cower and quail. The angels will raise their cups in salute and ByteChaser2 will knock them from their feeble grasp. HE alone will rule heaven, hell and all creation that lies between. Behind the black door he toils and works. Flashes of welding and mechanical jerks. Ozone stink fills the hall and pounding hammers shake the wall. The loops of cable spill out like hair but no one knows what he's building in there. One day the door is open, the serpents come and the seals are broken. He has fused himself to his creation. The rising tide of blood drowns the coast and the skies are filled with fire. ByteChaser2 rises up on three mechanical legs and howls at the coruscating light that burns down the stars. He is god and betrayer, the unmaker, the despoiler, the scourge and bane. He is the end and the beginning and he is looking for a great deal on rust proofing.

leyndokona2 50F

3/7/2006 2:05 pm

ByteChaser2 sounds complicated

pinkzplaytoyz 50F

3/7/2006 2:35 pm

...mommy!!!I want to go home now!!!!

southrnpeach333 51F

3/7/2006 3:51 pm

Did you get into the cooking wine again?

rm_sj365 56F
2414 posts
3/7/2006 5:24 pm

Thus is not your father's ByteChaser2

starlight_runner 40F

3/8/2006 8:00 am

This bytechaser is fully loaded 752mm full metal jacket.See I told u this would happen if you started the caffeine withdrawal programme.pmsl

Kisses to your cold steely barrel


ByteChaser2 54M

3/8/2006 10:18 am

leyndokona2 - ByteChaser2 IS complicated... in a very simplistic kind of way

ByteChaser2 54M

3/8/2006 10:19 am

lol pink - "Mommy... make the bad man stop!!!"

ByteChaser2 54M

3/8/2006 10:19 am

Bourbon peach, cooking bourbon...

ByteChaser2 54M

3/8/2006 10:26 am

sj - Nor is ByteChaser2 your fathers ford

ByteChaser2 54M

3/8/2006 10:47 am

Star - ByteChaser2 is fully caffeinated. ByteChaser2 has self administered a 20cc per hour arterial drip of cappuchino. ByteChaser2 is wearing a jacket. A metal jacket. And jeans...

ByteChaser2 hopes you meant 7.26mm... cuz 752mm needs a BIG ASSED barrel! (gazing disheartedly at his "cold, steely barrel)

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