Dear Dr. Dick's Tough Love Advice Column #2  

ByteChaser2 54M
2834 posts
2/19/2006 5:27 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Dear Dr. Dick's Tough Love Advice Column #2

Dear Dr. Dick,

My boyfriend is really acting odd lately. See he's been renting every Brad Pitt movie ever made and insisting we watch them together. I get the feeling he thinks that I find Brad Pitt sexy... Last night, he put on Troy and dressed up in this Greek soldiers getup.

Just this morning, I went looking for the box of vibrators and dildos and things but they weren't under the bed where I put them. I found them in the garage under a carton of fishing stuff...

Whats the deal Dick?

No Toys Terry

No Toys, No Joys...

I see your problem. Your a psycho... You mean to tell me that you have a man in the house and your not balling his brains out? Look miss ditz, there's some basic male necessities that you obviously are NOT providing here...

Here's what a man wants.

1. Beer.
2. Preferably with a stripper gyrating on his lap.
3. Any charred flesh. Or pizza.
4. Beer.
5. Tools and gadgets. They help him focus.
6. A blowjob every 2-3 days.
7. Guy friends to brag and/or lie to about:
7a. Beer consumption.
7b. Drinking beer while getting a lapdance.
7c. Their Binford Model 8671, twenty element barbeque. Arrr arrrr arrr...
7d. His garage full of tools and gagets.
7e. The three or four deep throat blow jobs his girlfriend gives him each and every week.
8. Sex. Lots of it and in a variety of personally debasing positions.
9. Beer.
10. Full frontal nudity during the Super Bowl.

Notice that number 7 is predicated on the preceeding 6. His emotional stability - and not coincidentally his sexual prowess - depends in large part on his ability to interface with other man-children.

And here's a little more advice... SHUT UP! Look, he doesn't want to talk the second he walks in the door after a hard day chasing antelope and poking road-kill with pointy sticks. It's a scientifically proven fact that women, on average, speak about 6,000 words in a day while men speak on average around 2,000 words - or monosylabic grunts - in a day.

When he gets home, his word quota is done. You want to talk? Buy a Cocker Spaniel and blather on till the cows come home! Leave the guy alone.

You know what? Do both of you a favor and burn the toy box. You got a live-in dick, he's got a live-in pussy. Don't go confusing the issue with power tools he cant use on the family Ford.

And finally... When he's watching the game, unless you're doing hand-stand - leg splits while ballancing beer and pizza on your surgically augmented boobs... Stay out from in front of the TV!

Have a great day!

rm_EveLWoman 57F
36 posts
2/19/2006 8:46 pm

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh! yer gonna get in trouble with the harem now!

and I'm not so sure even I can protect ya this time.

SJ *giggling, then standing back to watch the fireworks*

ohhhh lookit all the pretty colors

rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
2/19/2006 8:49 pm

roflmao i got so scared for ya, i forgot who i was!

even with Eves help...I still dont think i can protect ya.

keep yer head low babe!

ByteChaser2 54M

2/20/2006 7:13 am

Thanks Dr. Phil, Professional validation! I love it when a plan comes together

ByteChaser2 54M

2/20/2006 7:17 am

Eve, I mean sj... I mean... - S'ok babe. Hell, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't get at least one verbal ass whippin' a day!

ByteChaser2 54M

2/20/2006 7:18 am

sj - Haven't you noticed?

<<-- Look ma, no head!

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
2/21/2006 1:03 pm

honey, copyright this is fabulous...

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

ByteChaser2 54M

2/21/2006 1:16 pm

LOL Goddess. Workin on it

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